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Old 06-02-2016, 07:50 PM
  # 181 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Obladi View Post
Drinking causes relapse
Yeah no?
drinking again is relapse. no matter what you call it. no point fooling by saying 'slip' or 'wobble' or...

some prefer to simply describe the behaviour: a return to drinking.


Obladi, no matter what you call it: what will you do now?
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Old 06-03-2016, 12:39 AM
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I did not say slip or wobble, I didn't try to fool with you
No matter what we call it I'm going to get back to my life now
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Old 06-03-2016, 04:46 AM
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So, your revised plan?
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Old 06-03-2016, 05:01 AM
  # 184 (permalink)  
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Hi O
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Old 06-03-2016, 08:59 AM
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Originally Posted by Obladi View Post
I did not say slip or wobble, I didn't try to fool with you
No matter what we call it I'm going to get back to my life now
nono, i realize. i mentioned it because of the so-frequent discussions here on SR about words used to describe returns to drinking. sorry, Obladi, it just muddled things up.


the concept that whatever i had chosen to do to quit drinking for good hadn't worked and that i needed to do something different...that notion took a long time to make sense. and after it made sense, it took a long time for me to implement.

i wasted a lot of time doing the same things over and over while trying harder. except that every time i was trying as hard as i could.


getting back to your life...well, yes. but what you call it, how you see it, IS part of your life. and how you see it will likely influence what you'll do which will hugely influence your life.

what can we do to help?
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Old 06-03-2016, 10:24 AM
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How are you, O?
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Old 06-04-2016, 05:35 AM
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Fini, you tell me such big things in small bytes. I'm a really smart person but a difficult student . Just stay with me, please?
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Old 06-04-2016, 05:37 AM
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Fabs, I've been better.
But... I'm not dead or in the ER, so there's that.

Love you, hon.
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Old 06-04-2016, 05:42 AM
  # 189 (permalink)  
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Stick close O x
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Old 06-04-2016, 05:46 AM
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I'm gonna try, SoberTortoise, you dear man.
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Old 06-04-2016, 06:58 AM
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Alive is good, O. Not in ER or in prison is even better. Good stuff. <3
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Old 06-04-2016, 09:00 AM
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O,
being a smart person and a difficult student...sounds vaguely familiar?!
me myself and i, yep.

glad you're back posting, Obladi and reconnecting.
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Old 06-04-2016, 10:32 AM
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So today sucks. You know, shakes and nausea and whatnot.

But I stopped drinking and am glad for it.
My middle one needed me to be her mom today and I did a good job of it.

Fini, I need to go back and read you a few more times before coming up with a coherent response.

And yes, Hawk I'm dodging you. For the moment.

xo
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Old 06-04-2016, 02:51 PM
  # 194 (permalink)  
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Not to worry O--still love you

Whenever you're ready. . . .
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Old 06-04-2016, 05:01 PM
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Originally Posted by fini View Post

i wasted a lot of time doing the same things over and over while trying harder. except that every time i was trying as hard as i could.
I can relate to this. I heard it described as the EGO. Doing more and more of what does't work because the EGO can't be wrong. It is very wide spread in society.
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Old 06-04-2016, 08:01 PM
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O,
an observation from my own experience: it was difficult for me to allow myself to be seen in incoherence. it was also scary.
but whenever i did (for years on my old Lifering forum), the payoff was huge. i was accepted in my incoherence, and some could 'get' what i was incoherent about, and questions back and forth and sharing about struggles for clarity, or contradictions between experience and beliefs, or anything that i couldn't make sense of for myself about myself....letting others in on my incoherence was key.
key to being open, key to getting more honest, key to starting to hear other views, key to maybe maybe letting go just a bit of my pride in my certainty about what made sense..

anyway, what i'm saying is: i hope you feel safe to not need to come up with something coherent if where you're at is incoherence. it's not a bad place to be; it just feels that way
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Old 06-05-2016, 05:14 AM
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We were missing you GF.... glad you are back with us.

I have a couple concrete suggestions, if you have not read Annie Grace's book The Naked Mind, get it today, and check out Holly's site, Hip Sobriety, I think you would enjoy them both.

I think you should stop beating yourself up, you are doing your best, and we love you.

You are a badass, we all are. This is hard, very hard, but do-able. I like the idea of counting days sober and days drinking, so since you started this journey I bet you are +much more than 100 and -much less than 100.

Today I love meditation, massage, lots of water, forgiving myself, and Obladi.

I am also big on faith and trust -- have faith that if you do this, it will be worth it no matter how hard to seems at the moment, and trust in your self that you can do this and will do it when you can if you........

Just. Keep. Going.

I can do hard things.
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Old 06-05-2016, 07:41 AM
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fini, you've asked me more than once how I square the notion of being powerless over the first drink. And my EGO told me that couldn't be true. Of course I have power - after all, I've been the one driving to the store every day to get my next 24 hour allotment. So if I couldn't control the first drink, how come I was the one purchasing it, literally one day at a time? I've just realized that that limiting the quantity was me giving myself the illusion of control - because I limited the quantity and so therefore I could always STOP. But oftentimes it was something external (maybe always it was something external?) that gave me the actual motivation to stop.

That leads to Dropsie's point about faith. It hit me last night that this is the missing piece; not the explanation. This is hard to articulate; I think I've approached an understanding before but you know I'm a slow thinker. For such a long time, I've struggled with feelings of personal inadequacy, particularly with regard to relationships. As the universe didn't drop the right person in my lap and in fact seemed to continue to deliver the wrong people, I think it solidified this idea I had since way early that I really didn't matter. Not really. And that's gotta be backward, because if I'm so important that the universe bothers to consider my existence whatsoever, I must matter. And continuing to hurt myself is highly disrespectful.

Hawk is like, "Cool, O - so what does that translate into in real life?"
Don't have an answer for that yet, but it's a start.

Mild withdrawl symptoms today. I should be in good shape to get to work tomorrow. Trying to decide right now if I go in or work from home like a "normal" Monday. I think the latter course is more prudent even if it does make me feel a little bit like a coward.
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Old 06-05-2016, 10:55 AM
  # 199 (permalink)  
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O have you read this link x

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html
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Old 06-05-2016, 11:02 AM
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I have, SW
But clearly some messages bear repeating.
So I'll revisit - thanks!
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