Unluckyatlife

I have a dilemma of thinking that I am smarter than everyone. Yet at the same time I feel like I'm less than others and a piece of garbage. I've been diagnosed bi-polar but don't agree with the diagnosis. I admit I do suffer from the depression part. I hate feeling this way. I am much more use to chugging pints of whiskey in the afternoon to deal with this.

ScottFromWI

Have you done any therapy to help with either of these conditions? They are both very treatable. Chugging whiskey is not "dealing" with it...it is avoidance/running away from it.

DayTrader

I hear "egomaniac with an inferiority complex" a fair amount from friends in AA. The exact same thing used to dominate my thinking - 2 diametrically opposed beliefs. To make matters worse, I'd typically "believe" whichever one would cause me the most darn harm at a given time.

Getting past these sorts of old ideas and old beliefs has been vital for me to live sober......and happily (at the same time )

Unluckyatlife

scott, yes just because you get help from the pros doesn't always mean it will sink in. I'm sorry but I felt better when I drank small pints of whiskey throughout the day. Alcohol works on some level otherwise people wuldnt be hooked

fantail

Alcohol helped me with my lack of confidence until my physical dependency got so bad that I had panic attacks so severe I mistook them for seizures. I don't think I would've quit if not for the physical stuff, to be honest, even though now I'm glad I did. But eventually your body does suffer.

jobei

It doesn't work for me Just causes pain, suffering and neglect. Why I've been hooked is a bit of a mystery as no one is quite sure why some get addicted and some don't.

Soberwolf

Alcohol effects is a illusion a distortion if that's how your thinking how can you expect change ?

Unluckyatlife

My original post I was seeing bugs. I had to get librium pills for 1-2 weeks. Now I'm sober and I absolutely hate it.

polaris

Im sure we all know about this, and the bull **** facade.

I have a potentially huge business opportunity coming up. I havent been able to keep together my personal relationships with women together. This business one may be tough, and I may figure it out but yet again...I need to get on that path that I have so far been inching back towards and then, fully accept it. IT cant be half assed. That cannot happen.

Unluckyatlife

soberwolf, your data is a bit lackey. I could put other data base but I prefer talking.

Berrybean

Hmm. I think if you really were wholly falling for the 'alcohol solves everything' lie that we've all mastered at some point in our journey, then you wouldn't have come to a sobriety forum. Our AVs spin us the same old bull, time and time again, for years and years in my case. Thing is for me, it didn't make my feelings better, it just numbed them. I always had to sober up, and every time i sobered up i was still there with the same old self-loathings, self-pity, and rage. When I finally got sober and started recovering, and learning different ways to look at and get through life (because the rubbish stuff does still happen), that's when my feelings started to be better.

Ariesagain

It's a really typical combination in addiction...to quote Anne Lamott, "Addicts know they're the piece of **** that the world revolves around."

Why not try another way of living?

Obladi

Unlucky, I read your self-assessment and thought "Bingo! Me too!" Right down to the part where I don't agree with the diagnosis my health care professional issued.

Aries, I never read that quote before, but I fear for me that it's spot on. Or at least it has been. I seem to really be stuck on the piece of *** part while nobly denouncing the world revolving around me part. Which is kind of proof in the pudding, huh?

Unlucky, I laud you for writing it.
Keep going.

advbike

C'mon guys.. a lot of us self-medicated other issues with alcohol. It's why we drank to begin with.. and it often works for awhile. Heck, I had a pretty good career while still drinking. Go to any AA meeting and they'll tell you that dealing with sobriety is the hard part. That overactive ego, lol.

But ya gotta get sober before you can uncover and work on the real issues. And get to real 'happy, joyous and free'. That's just the way it is. Active addiction gets in the way of any real work on ourselves, because we're using to feel better, numb painful emotions, etc.

So yeah, what you're feeling is normal, but no, drinking won't help. For long. Sorry.

ScottFromWI

That's a pretty common feeling in early sobriety, most of us hated it. What I hated the most was not being able to run away from my problems and drink. That's the real tough part about getting sober - learning to deal with life and face our problems, because we all have them.

Think for a minute about what your life was like right up before you quit drinking - go back and read your posts from that time. Do you really want to go back there?

Fly N Buy

I too am an alcoholic egomaniac with an inferiority complex. My ego tells me I am unique - the truth simply is that I am a run of the mill, garden variety drunk.

Alcohol did indeed wash away these feelings of less than. " Men and women drink essentially because they like the effect produced by alcohol. The sensation is so elusive that, while they admit it is injurious, they cannot after a time differentiate the true from the false. To them, their alcoholic life seems the only normal one. They are restless, irritable and discontented, unless they can again experience the sense of ease and comfort which comes at once by taking a few drinks-drinks which they see others taking with impunity."

Ours is a progressive disease - over time we get worse, never better. Some are fortunate to have a moment of clarity that readys them to a new path of willingness to change. They have found that life is better than death, health preferred over illness.

Please consider seeking the help you may need. There are options and we don't have to accept a life of misery. I know, that was me less than two years ago.

zjw

I can relate. I also hated how everyhone seemed to tell me what a piece of crap i was. how dare they etc...

I dunno I hit a point of acceptance that i was nothing I became ok wiht that pretty much embraced it but this was down the road in sobriety from where your at. I'm happy to be a nobody and a nothing fine by me. if people dont expect much out of me cause i'm nothing but a piece of crap to them hey thats great they got low standards for me to strive for and besides anyone who thinks like this of me aint worth much to me anyhow.

I dunno humility helps. At the same time you have to have a sense of self worth and realize your worth something etc..

Choicy

My thoughts have created my reality.
Even if I was full of crap,
deep inside -no one could convince me I wasn't inconceivably smart, and I argued every point. (Here's a warning sign: If I'm so right, why am I arguing?)

After attempting to get clean
for the umpteenth time,
and reading the NA basic text,
and arguing,
I finally conceded I inherited these thoughts...I ask where does [that thought] come from?
Is it true?
For me, I was dancing; Always knowing better. Staying one step ahead...
It got me "lonely at the top."


**With a little willingness I began to question all my thinking, little by little.

Asking questions led me down a great path.

The fight was never with anyone else.

It was fear of me. And I medicated the crap out of it.

I am an addict.

Choicy

My thoughts have created my reality.
Even if I was better than giving myself credit for,
deep inside -no one could convince me I wasn't an incredible piece of crap, and I succumbed to every point. (Here's a warning sign: If I'm so awful, why do I have some pretty okay things going on?)

After attempting to get clean
for the umpteenth time,
and reading the NA basic text,
and crying and being suicidal,
I finally conceded I inherited these thoughts...
I ask where does [that thought] come from?
Is it true?
For me, I was drowning; Always lost and scared. Staying one step ahead by hiding these feelings and isolating myself...
It got to the point I had to decide to live like this or give up, or surrender.

Oh. That's called the bottom!

**With a little willingness I began to question all my thinking, little by little.

Asking questions led me down a great path.

The fight was never with anyone else.

It was fear of looking into me and connecting with a HP and at least one other person in a real and hopeful way.
And I medicated the crap out of it.

I am an addict.

Thanks for posting here.

I'm glad You are here.

Hawkeye13

I also thought I'd feel great in early sobriety but didn't.
Body takes time to heal, old mental patterns take time to adapt,
plus all the reasons one drank in the first place are still there.

But, given time, healing, and work I now feel much much better
than when I drank.
My take-away was there really isn't an "instant fix" but sobriety
is the first step to really finding peace and contentment.