Apathetic.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 1,601
Apathetic.
So I am about 10 months sober.
And today, and a lot lately, I feel very apathetic about it.
I don't really like my job.
I don't really like my living situation.
I don't really like going to meetings.
I don't really like going to church.
I don't really like seeking God and spirituality.
None of these things I can change right now. I promised my sponsor I would stay put and work on my step work. Reading my 5th in 2 weeks.
I look around and I see that my peers have families, homes, big jobs.
I don't have any of that. And when I think I want it my sponsor reminds me that I will never be happy in the rat race...that's why I drank even when I amassed money and things and a powerful job etc. And I know she is right. That won't make me happy.
I'm not happy there (in the rat race with a big job and money and a condo) and I am not happy here (in a resorty town with a small job and a life seeking God, spirituality, and recovery).
So...what do I do to be happy? Maybe I am just one of those people who will NEVER be happy. And if that is the case, why not just drink so that at least I can have moments where I am unaware of how unhappy I really am?!
Another thing...I am really pissed that I am alcoholic. Like really, really pissed off about it. Sometimes, even 10 months into sobriety, I think that a life where I cannot have a drink or two to unwind with friends is not worth living at all.
Downer of a post but it is how I feel today.
And today, and a lot lately, I feel very apathetic about it.
I don't really like my job.
I don't really like my living situation.
I don't really like going to meetings.
I don't really like going to church.
I don't really like seeking God and spirituality.
None of these things I can change right now. I promised my sponsor I would stay put and work on my step work. Reading my 5th in 2 weeks.
I look around and I see that my peers have families, homes, big jobs.
I don't have any of that. And when I think I want it my sponsor reminds me that I will never be happy in the rat race...that's why I drank even when I amassed money and things and a powerful job etc. And I know she is right. That won't make me happy.
I'm not happy there (in the rat race with a big job and money and a condo) and I am not happy here (in a resorty town with a small job and a life seeking God, spirituality, and recovery).
So...what do I do to be happy? Maybe I am just one of those people who will NEVER be happy. And if that is the case, why not just drink so that at least I can have moments where I am unaware of how unhappy I really am?!
Another thing...I am really pissed that I am alcoholic. Like really, really pissed off about it. Sometimes, even 10 months into sobriety, I think that a life where I cannot have a drink or two to unwind with friends is not worth living at all.
Downer of a post but it is how I feel today.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
I've been at both extremes now myself. Raging obese drunk who smokes 2+ packs a day and consumes any drug i can find etc.. and now rediculous health nut who's lean and mean and runs like crazy and is super fit.
Everything else around my life has stayed about the same really. Tho getting sober I was able to solve quite a few problems.
But maintaining this routine of mine takes hard work and effort and i wonder if its really worth the hard work and effort a lot. Whats the sense in all this why cant I just eat crap food lay around etc.. that might be easier but then i'd be faced with other obstacles in life.
Its like I put in the effort now so i can feel good later. Where as before I did what i wanted to feel good now and I paid the price later. Either way it took work either up front of after the fact. IE nursing a hangover or worse and such lets face it is work and isnt very fun. But going for a 10 mile run can be a struggle some days too.
I guess for me its how do i feel after the hard work is done? good bad was it worth it? I dunno.
I keep doing what i'm doing currently because its a quality of life thing. I'm always gonna have problems and struggles. but my overall quality of life is far better now then it was back when i drank and such.
I guess I hit a defeated point. If i drink i'm gonna struggle. If i do what i'm doing now I'm gonna strugle. I'm damned if i do I'm damned if i dont. What does it matter if i drink? what does it matter if I dont drink? why should this even be an issue? and then after I ponder things like that I"m liek ::shrug:: i guess I'll just keep moving forward not much else I can do.
Everything else around my life has stayed about the same really. Tho getting sober I was able to solve quite a few problems.
But maintaining this routine of mine takes hard work and effort and i wonder if its really worth the hard work and effort a lot. Whats the sense in all this why cant I just eat crap food lay around etc.. that might be easier but then i'd be faced with other obstacles in life.
Its like I put in the effort now so i can feel good later. Where as before I did what i wanted to feel good now and I paid the price later. Either way it took work either up front of after the fact. IE nursing a hangover or worse and such lets face it is work and isnt very fun. But going for a 10 mile run can be a struggle some days too.
I guess for me its how do i feel after the hard work is done? good bad was it worth it? I dunno.
I keep doing what i'm doing currently because its a quality of life thing. I'm always gonna have problems and struggles. but my overall quality of life is far better now then it was back when i drank and such.
I guess I hit a defeated point. If i drink i'm gonna struggle. If i do what i'm doing now I'm gonna strugle. I'm damned if i do I'm damned if i dont. What does it matter if i drink? what does it matter if I dont drink? why should this even be an issue? and then after I ponder things like that I"m liek ::shrug:: i guess I'll just keep moving forward not much else I can do.
You can have reasons, or you can have results, but you can't have both.
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Syracuse, NY
Posts: 1,232
Hi, Bunny!
I really want to encourage you here. I don't think the feelings you're having are necessarily bad at all. Is it possible that, now that you have your sober feet under you a bit, you see your life with more clarity? That you're learning (or re-learning) what does and doesn't make you happy?
Sometimes we need to discover what we DON'T want in order to define what we DO want. It sounds like you're in that process right now. It's a good process. Only once you know what you don't want, can you then proceed to start building the life that WILL fulfill you.
And please don't worry that you still sometimes miss your old "frenemy," alcohol. That will pass, too. I still miss a crummy, crummy boyfriend from the summer of 2013!! But it's less as time passes. Booze is like a lousy boyfriend. There are other fish in the sea. Many, many more things to be enjoyed in life and many better ways to savor a leisurely visit with friends.
You're on the right course. :-)
I really want to encourage you here. I don't think the feelings you're having are necessarily bad at all. Is it possible that, now that you have your sober feet under you a bit, you see your life with more clarity? That you're learning (or re-learning) what does and doesn't make you happy?
Sometimes we need to discover what we DON'T want in order to define what we DO want. It sounds like you're in that process right now. It's a good process. Only once you know what you don't want, can you then proceed to start building the life that WILL fulfill you.
And please don't worry that you still sometimes miss your old "frenemy," alcohol. That will pass, too. I still miss a crummy, crummy boyfriend from the summer of 2013!! But it's less as time passes. Booze is like a lousy boyfriend. There are other fish in the sea. Many, many more things to be enjoyed in life and many better ways to savor a leisurely visit with friends.
You're on the right course. :-)
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
keep in mind too how you feel now could be a passing funk. I have all the same lists of complaints at various times. I guess I just try not to give them much attention. Like if it makes me feel bad ignore it. I dont really like my job either but i try to just ignore that thought. and spend my time on thoughts that make me feel good.
It might seem irresponable like well I gotta face my job or these things I dont like. Yeah thats true. But I dont have to devote so much mind energy to them. I'd prefer to feel good.
The ole if it feels good do it saying is seen as bad but its like some of us need to follow that saying a bit more then we currently do just so we can get a smile back on our faces.
It might seem irresponable like well I gotta face my job or these things I dont like. Yeah thats true. But I dont have to devote so much mind energy to them. I'd prefer to feel good.
The ole if it feels good do it saying is seen as bad but its like some of us need to follow that saying a bit more then we currently do just so we can get a smile back on our faces.
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
I found that I was unhappy when the smoke cleared. I'm three years in and making some big changes in my life. I've discovered that it's better to be working toward something than wishing or wondering. Even if things don't turn out exactly as I'd planned, I'm discovering along the way what constitutes my 'happiness' or contentment. Some discoveries have been surprising to me.
Sounds like you're in a good place. It may not be pleasant, but you're at least questioning the big things and looking for meaning. To me, that sounds like you're definitely on the 'right' path.
Sounds like you're in a good place. It may not be pleasant, but you're at least questioning the big things and looking for meaning. To me, that sounds like you're definitely on the 'right' path.
paradox
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: UK
Posts: 665
Bunny,
I'm sure you have read the promises starting at the bottom of page 83.
You don't know me.
But, I can add my voice to the promises.
You will know a new freedom and a new happiness.
Working through the steps was very hard for me too; especially steps 4 & 5.
Perhaps you can think of your time now working the steps as similar to university work before that high powered job,
No.
It's more like boot camp.
Yeah that's it: the boot camp of life -- a happy sober life.
It's more than just possible . . .
It's a promise.
I'm sure you have read the promises starting at the bottom of page 83.
You don't know me.
But, I can add my voice to the promises.
You will know a new freedom and a new happiness.
Working through the steps was very hard for me too; especially steps 4 & 5.
Perhaps you can think of your time now working the steps as similar to university work before that high powered job,
No.
It's more like boot camp.
Yeah that's it: the boot camp of life -- a happy sober life.
It's more than just possible . . .
It's a promise.
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 444
Hi Bunny
Thank you for posting feelings that many of us feel at one point or the other.. .
I've gotten so much from your posts during your time here and got a lot from this one too.
It would actually be odd if you never had down times.... They are part of the package I believe.
You'll get past this phase!
Thanks again
Jonathan
Thank you for posting feelings that many of us feel at one point or the other.. .
I've gotten so much from your posts during your time here and got a lot from this one too.
It would actually be odd if you never had down times.... They are part of the package I believe.
You'll get past this phase!
Thanks again
Jonathan
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
Posts: 4,215
It's March in New England...we're halfway to misery by definition. Here in Maine they call it The March Hill. Some years it feels more like the March Brick Wall. Or the March cliff.
Sending you a hug.
Sending you a hug.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
"I look around and I see that my peers have families, homes, big jobs."
the fellowship must be quite unique where youre at as i see people from all walks of life with different family,living, and career dynamics around here.
maybe yoy have blinders on and arent seeing the big picture?
im on disability, have never,nor will i ever,own a home, and am very happily single.
i worked my ass off ,i loved what i did, and made pretty decent money before being diagnosed with and fighting cancer. was getting my financial poop inna group,too.
then that.
this is what helped:
And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today.
When I am disturbed,
It is because I find some person, place, thing, situation --
Some fact of my life -- unacceptable to me,
And I can find no serenity until I accept
That person, place, thing, or situation
As being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.
Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God's world by mistake.
Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober;
Unless I accept life completely on life's terms,
I cannot be happy.
I need to concentrate not so much
On what needs to be changed in the world
As on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes."
acceptance doesnt mean i like people,places, things,etc.
but it sure does give me peace.
the fellowship must be quite unique where youre at as i see people from all walks of life with different family,living, and career dynamics around here.
maybe yoy have blinders on and arent seeing the big picture?
im on disability, have never,nor will i ever,own a home, and am very happily single.
i worked my ass off ,i loved what i did, and made pretty decent money before being diagnosed with and fighting cancer. was getting my financial poop inna group,too.
then that.
this is what helped:
And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today.
When I am disturbed,
It is because I find some person, place, thing, situation --
Some fact of my life -- unacceptable to me,
And I can find no serenity until I accept
That person, place, thing, or situation
As being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.
Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God's world by mistake.
Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober;
Unless I accept life completely on life's terms,
I cannot be happy.
I need to concentrate not so much
On what needs to be changed in the world
As on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes."
acceptance doesnt mean i like people,places, things,etc.
but it sure does give me peace.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by Bunny211 
...even 10 months into sobriety, I think that a life where I cannot have a drink or two to unwind with friends is not worth living at all.
When was the last time one drink made you happy?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 102
I never want 'a drink or two' with my friends, I want 10, or 12. If you really look into that desire for a drink or two you'll see the same thing lies beyond the thought of the first couple. It's a one way street that goes around in a circle if you venture down that road of desiring the first drink. We think the drink long before we take it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 1,601
Originally Posted by tomsteve
"I look around and I see that my peers have families, homes, big jobs."
the fellowship must be quite unique where youre at as i see people from all walks of life with different family,living, and career dynamics around here.
maybe yoy have blinders on and arent seeing the big picture?
im on disability, have never,nor will i ever,own a home, and am very happily single.
i worked my ass off ,i loved what i did, and made pretty decent money before being diagnosed with and fighting cancer. was getting my financial poop inna group,too.
then that.
this is what helped:
And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today.
When I am disturbed,
It is because I find some person, place, thing, situation --
Some fact of my life -- unacceptable to me,
And I can find no serenity until I accept
That person, place, thing, or situation
As being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.
Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God's world by mistake.
Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober;
Unless I accept life completely on life's terms,
I cannot be happy.
I need to concentrate not so much
On what needs to be changed in the world
As on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes."
acceptance doesnt mean i like people,places, things,etc.
but it sure does give me peace.
the fellowship must be quite unique where youre at as i see people from all walks of life with different family,living, and career dynamics around here.
maybe yoy have blinders on and arent seeing the big picture?
im on disability, have never,nor will i ever,own a home, and am very happily single.
i worked my ass off ,i loved what i did, and made pretty decent money before being diagnosed with and fighting cancer. was getting my financial poop inna group,too.
then that.
this is what helped:
And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today.
When I am disturbed,
It is because I find some person, place, thing, situation --
Some fact of my life -- unacceptable to me,
And I can find no serenity until I accept
That person, place, thing, or situation
As being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.
Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God's world by mistake.
Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober;
Unless I accept life completely on life's terms,
I cannot be happy.
I need to concentrate not so much
On what needs to be changed in the world
As on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes."
acceptance doesnt mean i like people,places, things,etc.
but it sure does give me peace.
And yes...acceptance is something I need to work on. Thanks for the reminder!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 1,601
Originally Posted by doggonecarl
Miserable because you'll never be able to enjoy a drink or two with friends.
When was the last time one drink made you happy?
When was the last time one drink made you happy?
For many people early sobriety is a lot of sadness. For me it has been a boatload of anger. My sponsor thinks my anger is masking my sadness.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 1,601
Originally Posted by dox
Bunny,
I'm sure you have read the promises starting at the bottom of page 83.
You don't know me.
But, I can add my voice to the promises.
You will know a new freedom and a new happiness.
Working through the steps was very hard for me too; especially steps 4 & 5.
Perhaps you can think of your time now working the steps as similar to university work before that high powered job,
No.
It's more like boot camp.
Yeah that's it: the boot camp of life -- a happy sober life.
It's more than just possible . . .
It's a promise.
I'm sure you have read the promises starting at the bottom of page 83.
You don't know me.
But, I can add my voice to the promises.
You will know a new freedom and a new happiness.
Working through the steps was very hard for me too; especially steps 4 & 5.
Perhaps you can think of your time now working the steps as similar to university work before that high powered job,
No.
It's more like boot camp.
Yeah that's it: the boot camp of life -- a happy sober life.
It's more than just possible . . .
It's a promise.
It may be a bad day...that doesn't mean it is a bad life.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 4,860
I think this is what SR does best.
You've received some good feedback, Bunny, and it looks like this has been helpful for you.
Life after drinking doesn't come with prep-packaged rainbows and puppy dogs. It's hard, I know. But you're not the same person you were a year ago. You're better. And a year from now, you won't be the same person you are today. You'll be better.
I'll only add this little tidbit. Comparing our lives to those of others is perilous. Been there, done that. And I still have to tell myself I cannot do it. But remember this: someone will always have "more," particularly if it's defined financially. Someone will always have "bigger," if it's defined as houses, cars, etc.
Don't for a second assume any of that makes them one bit happier.
Hang in there, Bunny. Your posts are always insightful and it's good to have you with us.
You're going to be OK.
You've received some good feedback, Bunny, and it looks like this has been helpful for you.
Life after drinking doesn't come with prep-packaged rainbows and puppy dogs. It's hard, I know. But you're not the same person you were a year ago. You're better. And a year from now, you won't be the same person you are today. You'll be better.
I'll only add this little tidbit. Comparing our lives to those of others is perilous. Been there, done that. And I still have to tell myself I cannot do it. But remember this: someone will always have "more," particularly if it's defined financially. Someone will always have "bigger," if it's defined as houses, cars, etc.
Don't for a second assume any of that makes them one bit happier.
Hang in there, Bunny. Your posts are always insightful and it's good to have you with us.
You're going to be OK.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: middle of nowhere
Posts: 2,849
Bunny, I've hit a lot of similar moments like that but I'm much newer in my sobriety. I just had a some thoughts to share. Do you like to read or listen to podcasts?
While I feel good in my sobriety I do find anger, frustration and sadness to be overwhelming sometimes. When I feel that way I like to read positive things such as Jack Canfields Success principles that encourages positive change in our minds and lives. As well as listening to podcasts that are inspirational and motivational. There is so much great content to be had out there.
Maybe a new frame of mind and a new direction in life are what you need. Maybe you need to tap into something that gets you really excited, whether it's a new hobby or a new career or a new place to live. Sometimes we gotta step out of our comfort zones to explore what opportunities are available to us and what opportunities we can make for ourselves.
Conscious living and taking control of our lives is hard work but if we never give up I think it can be very rewarding.
I'm no big success story but I do know I am infinitely happier and better off with having put drinking behind me.
I think your sponsor may be right, anger is a good mask for sadness. I think there is a lot of despair for us when we recognize that we don't have control over things in our lives. Anger can be a good motivator though. It's all in what we make of things. No easy answers.... but you're on a good path. I hope and have faith you will find whatever you need and want in life... and there is always hope if we never give up looking and trying.
I hope spring brings you more sunshine and happiness
While I feel good in my sobriety I do find anger, frustration and sadness to be overwhelming sometimes. When I feel that way I like to read positive things such as Jack Canfields Success principles that encourages positive change in our minds and lives. As well as listening to podcasts that are inspirational and motivational. There is so much great content to be had out there.
Maybe a new frame of mind and a new direction in life are what you need. Maybe you need to tap into something that gets you really excited, whether it's a new hobby or a new career or a new place to live. Sometimes we gotta step out of our comfort zones to explore what opportunities are available to us and what opportunities we can make for ourselves.
Conscious living and taking control of our lives is hard work but if we never give up I think it can be very rewarding.
I'm no big success story but I do know I am infinitely happier and better off with having put drinking behind me.
I think your sponsor may be right, anger is a good mask for sadness. I think there is a lot of despair for us when we recognize that we don't have control over things in our lives. Anger can be a good motivator though. It's all in what we make of things. No easy answers.... but you're on a good path.
I hope and have faith you will find whatever you need and want in life... and there is always hope if we never give up looking and trying. I hope spring brings you more sunshine and happiness
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
the old saying "it is what it is" comes to mind.
I also used to sit and stew endlessly over whatever. It was so dang hard to stop doing that too. I started to realize after I sobered up I could rescue myself from my "stew" after a few days then a few hours then a few minutes etc... Sometimes it can and still will get the best of me tho for a day or so but I try hard not to let it lifes too short i got better things to do and I know that. But once in a while the mind takes me on that little trip to the "stew" lol.
I also used to sit and stew endlessly over whatever. It was so dang hard to stop doing that too. I started to realize after I sobered up I could rescue myself from my "stew" after a few days then a few hours then a few minutes etc... Sometimes it can and still will get the best of me tho for a day or so but I try hard not to let it lifes too short i got better things to do and I know that. But once in a while the mind takes me on that little trip to the "stew" lol.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: West Tn
Posts: 3,043
You have sure had great input on these boards.
And I respect your courage in admitting that you feel lousy.
I wouldn't worry too much about not liking the list you set forth in your original post above.
I don't have to like working the steps, going to meetings, seeking and cultivating a relationship with God and doing the other things the program suggests that I do.
I just have to do them.
We work the steps of the Program, not the Promises.
Keep up the good work with your sponsor.
It's normal to have some low periods in sobriety.
We just keep pushing forward and we ultimately feel better.
And I respect your courage in admitting that you feel lousy.
I wouldn't worry too much about not liking the list you set forth in your original post above.
I don't have to like working the steps, going to meetings, seeking and cultivating a relationship with God and doing the other things the program suggests that I do.
I just have to do them.
We work the steps of the Program, not the Promises.
Keep up the good work with your sponsor.
It's normal to have some low periods in sobriety.
We just keep pushing forward and we ultimately feel better.
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 397
Hi Bunny,
I'm angry too. I WANT to be a person who can enjoy a drink or two, but that ship has long sailed. I'm sick of being alcoholic. I didn't ask for this, etc etc.
But, like someone said above, it is what it is. The serenity prayer comes to mind.
I don't like a lot of things about my life either. I also feel like nothing will make me truly happy. But it's still better than being drunk and unhappy.
Maybe something to look forward to would be helpful? Plan a trip to see friends or nice scenery, the ocean, the mountains. Nature helps I think. It seems tohelp me.
Hugs
I'm angry too. I WANT to be a person who can enjoy a drink or two, but that ship has long sailed. I'm sick of being alcoholic. I didn't ask for this, etc etc.
But, like someone said above, it is what it is. The serenity prayer comes to mind.
I don't like a lot of things about my life either. I also feel like nothing will make me truly happy. But it's still better than being drunk and unhappy.
Maybe something to look forward to would be helpful? Plan a trip to see friends or nice scenery, the ocean, the mountains. Nature helps I think. It seems tohelp me.
Hugs
Woe is Moo.
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 2,746
I got ton of rage about all of it: abuses that start me to be addict as child, why no body help me, why I not could help self as intelligent adult, why it seem nothing I do now, even sobriety, bring any relief to my depressions and anhedonia, why ... ... well you get point.
I does think I not ever gonna be happy. I think is just fact of my damage brain chemistry and personality-altering circumstances of childhood.
But, even having surrender all hope for happiness, I wish to be sober. Cuz sick, bereft and drunk still worse. As I have say before, maybe is only .001% chance I ever feel remotely "good" in this life, but to stay a drunk, is 0% chance. So, if nothing else, gotta go with the odds, right?
I does think I not ever gonna be happy. I think is just fact of my damage brain chemistry and personality-altering circumstances of childhood.
But, even having surrender all hope for happiness, I wish to be sober. Cuz sick, bereft and drunk still worse. As I have say before, maybe is only .001% chance I ever feel remotely "good" in this life, but to stay a drunk, is 0% chance. So, if nothing else, gotta go with the odds, right?
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