Introspectator

Been sober 128 days or so, been going wonderful. Today I had this incredible "need" to find an AA meeting. Didn't know why, temptation has not been an issue, but I thought, hey lets go for a drive and stop in somewhere. I have to drive 22-28 miles to find a meeting, except for maybe 2 select times during the week. But no big deal, I have been cooped up at home for awhile and wanted to get out and clear my head. The meeting I was hoping to make it to didn't happen, due to not having enough time to get there before the meeting starts. I wasn't going to do the walk in late crap again. So I opted for another meeting that started 1/2 hour later, about 10 miles in another direction. During the drive I was just wondering "should I turn around and go home? Why am I going to meeting? Maybe my time at home would be better spent?..." But I kept going. As i got closer I got more anxious, and for what? I'm not hiding, not in denial, I'm fine with this. It got more intense as I approached the doors. I walked in, looked obviously bewildered, there must have been 12-15 people there, sitting around the tables, and they were very welcoming and approachable. The meeting started like they always do, and the leader or mediator, whatever you call them, picked a topic...Forgiveness. It hit me like a ton of bricks! This IS why I wound up there. I just recently scheduled my first appointment with a counselor to start hammering out my basket of issues to work through. Turns out I was going to be the 3rd person to share. I introduced myself, and it took about 1 minutes to collect myself, and then I guess I verbalized my how I ended up there. I struggled with my sharing, but got through it. It seems I have found a group that really "clicked" with me. I have never felt that in a meeting until now, and I have only been to maybe 5 total in my life. I have a sponsor now, and I don't feel that any of this was forced on me, as I have felt in the past. The curtain is down, I'm not hiding, I'm an alcoholic. This feels right this time. My sponsor wants to get me reading The Big Book, and I'll give it a chance, but I will have to explain that my creepy religious past may be a huge hurdle, and I hope that this is acceptable to him. All in all, I am encouraged that this longing to go to meeting tonight actually had a purpose. I had my doubts on the drive. So we'll see how this all plays out. Just wanted to share with y'all here on SR. Hope your day is sober and great! Introspectator

SoberinSyracuse

Trust your gut and give it a go. No harm, right? "The Rooms" have doors, after all!

waynetheking

You're taking action thats the main thing.
Just don't drink. It only gets better.

Dharma33

Hi, Intro-

Thanks for sharing! It sounds like you found what you needed, just when you needed it

Introspectator

Good morning! For some weird reason I feel like going to AA makes me think about drinking, versus just living and staying busy and not even thinking about it. Plus, I need to be selective with my time, I work full time, have a couple hobbies, etc. I guess I'm just wanting to be cautious and not fill my schedule with unnecessary work...like, I don't want to read The Big Book. I have a small stack of books I am working on reading when I get time. Ahhhh!!!!! There's the anxiety again, it just freaks me out sometimes...maybe this aspect is why AA bothers me? I enjoy the comrade, the opportunity to open up, but the "in your face" part doesn't work for me. My sponsor, the lucky contestant that picked me out last night, was not "in my face." He just said he would give me the Big Book. Well, on with my day...
Introspectator

Introspectator

tomsteve

from what i read, the " in your face" thing is all in your head.
i highly suggest at least reading what you typed yesterday. read it a few times.

OldTomato

Go to meetings that fit in with your schedule, don't feel pressured to be going to a certain amount of them each week. I see my reading of the big book as seperate to my normal reading list. I set aside a little time a couple of days a week to do my big book study - I don't have to finish whatever book I'm reading to start that.

Bird615

Following my intuition--trusting my gut, has rarely steered me wrong.
The trick has been to know when I'm hearing that and not something else.

aasharon90

Staying sober, learning all that you
can to help you achieve those awesome
rewards or PROMISES as stated in
the Big Book of AA.

Remembering that this is your recovery
to help build a strong foundation to live
your life upon incorporating those steps
and principles in all areas of your life to
enjoy those Promises and gifts in recovery.

It's going to any lengths to take care
of you and protect your own sobriety,
even if you show up to a meeting after
it has started. To walk in takes courage
and willingness.

You are taking those steps to insure
that you don't run to the store to get
alcohol or to your favorite watering
hole that will set you back from achieving
a healthier, happier, honest life for yourself.

Courage to go get what you need, to
hear at your meetings and use SR as
an added tool another lifeline in your
recovery.

Many who work take time out in their
lunch hour to walk in a meeting, some
walk in late, but they are their for themselves.
They may need to hear something important,
something useful to help them make it
thru another day sober.

Moms take that time to strengthen them
to carry on their duties as a mom and wife.

Many go to meetings to chill out and calm
down, just to sit still for an hour and block out
all the noises of the outside world and pick
up some little tid bit that will give them
courage to carry on their day.

Take care of you and strengthen your
recovery program doing whatever you
need to do to remain sober for many
one days sober at a time ahead of you.

You are doing good.

Stay connect. stay focused, stay positive
and carry on .

Introspectator

Thanks everyone...

fini

Intro,

if you want what people "have", i can pretty much guarantee that they did a lot of "work".
i didn't want to do all that work, either.
eventually, i came to believe that it was the right thing for me to do.

where i put my time is about what i value.

least

Congrats on your sober time! Glad you ended up where you needed to be.

Introspectator

I went tonight again, my sponsor invited me to his Thursday night group. Turns out he didn't have any dark motives, no one tried to infiltrate my mind...yeah, I was a little paranoid. It's all good, I am happy to be involved with this at this time. Thanks everyone for your replies. I'm sober!!