How can I do this when I'm so bored and lonely?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 5
How can I do this when I'm so bored and lonely?
Hi all,
I'm kind of new here, and need help. My drinking started at age 18, and 10 years later I haven't been able to stop. I have aspergers, and more or less always been an anxious, lonely and depressed guy. I've not had many friends, nor have I ever had a girlfriend in my life. So of course alcohol was like a miracle to me at first, because it gave me confidence I didn't know I had (or so I thought). It would totally supress my lonely, negative thoughts. I felt more 'me' than I had ever felt before. Unfortunately that didn't last long.
It just doesn't do it for me anymore. It takes a lot for me to get drunk these days, and with very little of the benefit I saw in my early days of drinking. In fact, not suprisingly, it's now made things worse. The cons of drinking now far outweigh the pros. When I drink it usually has to be spirits and mixed with coke. Without the caffeine I feel depressed and so so tired. Drinking beer by itself is the worst. It feels like I'm ready to go to bed after just a couple. It can also make me WORSE in social settings, I go all quiet and feel down. Does anyone else react like that to beer? I've been having bowel problems too which I mentioned in another thread, as well as some other minor health problems. I think they may be a result of me drinking too much.
At this point I'm just drinking to kill the boredom. I got fired from my job a few months ago and all I've really been doing is drinking and playing video games. My motivation is at an all time low. I need to stop drinking so I don't feel like crap everyday and so that I can hopefully get my life back on track. I need to establish whether it is in fact alcohol giving me bowel problems. I've also got a trip to Europe with family coming up in a few months time, and I'd like to be able to enjoy it sober!
I've been taking fish oil and a few vitamins and they've helped reduce my anxiety. What tips and advice would some of you give me to start my path of sobriety?
I'm kind of new here, and need help. My drinking started at age 18, and 10 years later I haven't been able to stop. I have aspergers, and more or less always been an anxious, lonely and depressed guy. I've not had many friends, nor have I ever had a girlfriend in my life. So of course alcohol was like a miracle to me at first, because it gave me confidence I didn't know I had (or so I thought). It would totally supress my lonely, negative thoughts. I felt more 'me' than I had ever felt before. Unfortunately that didn't last long.
It just doesn't do it for me anymore. It takes a lot for me to get drunk these days, and with very little of the benefit I saw in my early days of drinking. In fact, not suprisingly, it's now made things worse. The cons of drinking now far outweigh the pros. When I drink it usually has to be spirits and mixed with coke. Without the caffeine I feel depressed and so so tired. Drinking beer by itself is the worst. It feels like I'm ready to go to bed after just a couple. It can also make me WORSE in social settings, I go all quiet and feel down. Does anyone else react like that to beer? I've been having bowel problems too which I mentioned in another thread, as well as some other minor health problems. I think they may be a result of me drinking too much.
At this point I'm just drinking to kill the boredom. I got fired from my job a few months ago and all I've really been doing is drinking and playing video games. My motivation is at an all time low. I need to stop drinking so I don't feel like crap everyday and so that I can hopefully get my life back on track. I need to establish whether it is in fact alcohol giving me bowel problems. I've also got a trip to Europe with family coming up in a few months time, and I'd like to be able to enjoy it sober!
I've been taking fish oil and a few vitamins and they've helped reduce my anxiety. What tips and advice would some of you give me to start my path of sobriety?
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,313
I used to use boredom as an excuse too but it's not really Jase. The cure for boredom is doing things, not drinking.
I know it's hard - if you're anything like me you've drunk for so long you don't remember how to have fun without a bottle anyway - but you can re-learn that skill - the only limit is your imagination
you may not be able to do everything on this list (or want to) but it may help spark some ideas:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ething-do.html
Your motivation and your health issues should improve once you stop drinking alcohol completely (beer's just as alcoholic as anything else Jase- it nearly killed me).
Make a recovery plan - you're going to need a good one if you're going to Europe on vacation
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html
D
I know it's hard - if you're anything like me you've drunk for so long you don't remember how to have fun without a bottle anyway - but you can re-learn that skill - the only limit is your imagination
you may not be able to do everything on this list (or want to) but it may help spark some ideas:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ething-do.html
Your motivation and your health issues should improve once you stop drinking alcohol completely (beer's just as alcoholic as anything else Jase- it nearly killed me).
Make a recovery plan - you're going to need a good one if you're going to Europe on vacation
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html
D
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Sonoran Desert & Southeast Asia
Posts: 6,561
I was just like you brother, tried quitting a lot when I was about your age but kept relapsing. Took 10 more years to finally do it. Please don't wait that long. Much better at 48 than 58.. more of life left to enjoy.
Lots of resources here and AA can help too. Cheers.
more of life left to enjoy.Lots of resources here and AA can help too. Cheers.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 309
We're the same age and seem to have similar hobbies. I play a lot of video games too :-)
I'm just over 3 months sober and my digestive issues have completely disappeared. I always thought that I was super sensitive to spicy food, but I'm not, it's just because my stomach was always in a state from the huge amounts of booze I drank on a daily basis.
With regards to the boredom, I lost my job recently and it's really important to have an entirely new structure. I have a specific time period during the day where all I do is job-hunt. I have structure for when I eat food to make sure I don't get hungry and the same with video games. I play games really badly when I'm drunk, and I got sick of being that naff player on the team, and I'm pleased to report, that has improved haha.
There's a lot of other things to do with your time, but it can be tough initially. Message me anytime if you need someone to talk to :-)
I'm just over 3 months sober and my digestive issues have completely disappeared. I always thought that I was super sensitive to spicy food, but I'm not, it's just because my stomach was always in a state from the huge amounts of booze I drank on a daily basis.
With regards to the boredom, I lost my job recently and it's really important to have an entirely new structure. I have a specific time period during the day where all I do is job-hunt. I have structure for when I eat food to make sure I don't get hungry and the same with video games. I play games really badly when I'm drunk, and I got sick of being that naff player on the team, and I'm pleased to report, that has improved haha.
There's a lot of other things to do with your time, but it can be tough initially. Message me anytime if you need someone to talk to :-)
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
My suggestion is to make a plan, and talk to a substance abuse counselor.
Two very simple concrete steps. What is most important is you do something.
Sobriety is about what we do not about what we say, pray, read, write, or hear. Sobriety is about action.
Two very simple concrete steps. What is most important is you do something.
Sobriety is about what we do not about what we say, pray, read, write, or hear. Sobriety is about action.
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Hi Jase,
So glad you came here and actually posted! I don't have Asperger's but I certainly have suffered from loneliness, social and general anxiety and the wreck of a marriage that boredom and drinking create.
I too, spent hours on end stuck in boredom, playing video games + watching movies + drinking day and night. The alcohol is what kept me there. When people would suggest to me other things I could do instead, my mental response would be just like a juvenile - "but I don't waaaant to."
I would suggest that the first thing you should do is visit your physician and let them know that you have a desire to stop drinking and have them help you make a medical plan. There are medications that can make withdrawing from alcohol much more tolerable, not to mention safe. If they can/will also refer you to someone who specializes in addiction that can supplement your medical care - even better.
Once you've stopped drinking, the other things will come along through you making a plan for yourself and actually following it. Just like the wise people said before me.
Just make the second step.
You've already made the first by realizing some thing is amiss and reaching out for help! I'm really just so proud that you did even this much that it's ridiculous - I have a nephew who has some condition along the spectrum and I don't know why, but I feel like I'm celebrating for someone I know and love.
Maybe I'm just celebrating for both of us wanting to make a change and reaching out for help. It is so hard for me, I can't begin to tell you. But here we are!
So glad you came here and actually posted! I don't have Asperger's but I certainly have suffered from loneliness, social and general anxiety and the wreck of a marriage that boredom and drinking create.
I too, spent hours on end stuck in boredom, playing video games + watching movies + drinking day and night. The alcohol is what kept me there. When people would suggest to me other things I could do instead, my mental response would be just like a juvenile - "but I don't waaaant to."
I would suggest that the first thing you should do is visit your physician and let them know that you have a desire to stop drinking and have them help you make a medical plan. There are medications that can make withdrawing from alcohol much more tolerable, not to mention safe. If they can/will also refer you to someone who specializes in addiction that can supplement your medical care - even better.
Once you've stopped drinking, the other things will come along through you making a plan for yourself and actually following it. Just like the wise people said before me.
Just make the second step.
You've already made the first by realizing some thing is amiss and reaching out for help! I'm really just so proud that you did even this much that it's ridiculous - I have a nephew who has some condition along the spectrum and I don't know why, but I feel like I'm celebrating for someone I know and love.
Maybe I'm just celebrating for both of us wanting to make a change and reaching out for help. It is so hard for me, I can't begin to tell you. But here we are!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,837
Hi J!
Welcome xoxo
My drinking started young as well and has continued until now at 33.
Quitting was the best thing I ever dic
Make a plan
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html
- beer did that to me too, couldn't touch it.
In the end all alcohol made me super tired.
Welcome xoxo
My drinking started young as well and has continued until now at 33.
Quitting was the best thing I ever dic
Make a plan
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html
- beer did that to me too, couldn't touch it.
In the end all alcohol made me super tired.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
I agree with the suggestions about making a plan. Your plan is about addressing things that do or might make sobriety uncomfortable or challenging for you. For example, the two things you identified,. Boredom and loneliness.
Have you considered going to any recovery groups? AA or Smart or similar. These could be a way of meeting others in your situation and also give you a bit of structure to your week. Volunteering is also a good idea as this gives structure, gets us meeting people, and is also great for job seeing prospects as it looks good on your cv or application and can also open our eyes to unknown opportunities.
Posting and reading on here daily helps as well.
Have you considered going to any recovery groups? AA or Smart or similar. These could be a way of meeting others in your situation and also give you a bit of structure to your week. Volunteering is also a good idea as this gives structure, gets us meeting people, and is also great for job seeing prospects as it looks good on your cv or application and can also open our eyes to unknown opportunities.
Posting and reading on here daily helps as well.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Toronto
Posts: 3,195
I can relate. I suffer from attention deficit disorder and alcohol was a godsend for a while. It was the only thing that could calm my mind. The majority of ADD sufferers also have a co-morbid condition such as anxiety and depression. I have all those 3 to go along with alcoholism. Are you being properly treated for the Aspergers? I self-medicated with alcohol and sounds like you are too.
You can have reasons, or you can have results, but you can't have both.
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Syracuse, NY
Posts: 1,232
Alcohol crowds relationships and interests out of our lives. So I suspect it's pretty common to feel "bored and lonely" in early sobriety! At least, it sure is for me!
The task ahead is to start filling in that void left by alcohol. Filling it with interests, activities, and people! It takes time. And you have to gradually work on it, with patience. I set "social goals" for myself -- Go to an event and strike up conversations with two people. Accept a date invitation. You get the idea.
If you reach back for the bottle, you'll keep your world tiny and empty. Instead, forget about the bottle, and take some steps to start repopulating your life.
The task ahead is to start filling in that void left by alcohol. Filling it with interests, activities, and people! It takes time. And you have to gradually work on it, with patience. I set "social goals" for myself -- Go to an event and strike up conversations with two people. Accept a date invitation. You get the idea.
If you reach back for the bottle, you'll keep your world tiny and empty. Instead, forget about the bottle, and take some steps to start repopulating your life.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 5
Thanks for the replies everyone! After reading your responses it motivated me to go sober for a few days and it felt great! Some things I noticed; my bloating and heartburn subsided a little bit, I felt more calm and less anxious, I was more motivated to leave the house, my brain fog lifted a little, and i'd wake up and shoot straight out of bed instead of sleeping in (more time to enjoy the day and get things done!). I was generally just in a better mood . Night-time was tough though because that's when I'd usually be drinking, I felt a bit down and ended up just going to bed early - but it was far from unbearable.
When I started drinking again after that short break I felt off once again - tired, anxious, depressed, unmotivated, irritated, just not feeling my best. I guess that's from having a hangover so many days in a row...and I can see the trap I fall into where I convince myself I have to drink again the next day to "cure" the hangover. I definately need to stop. I know it will be difficult...but I think I can do it once I come up with a plan like some of you suggested. I know I will feel much better without this poison in my body everyday.
. Night-time was tough though because that's when I'd usually be drinking, I felt a bit down and ended up just going to bed early - but it was far from unbearable.When I started drinking again after that short break I felt off once again - tired, anxious, depressed, unmotivated, irritated, just not feeling my best. I guess that's from having a hangover so many days in a row...and I can see the trap I fall into where I convince myself I have to drink again the next day to "cure" the hangover. I definately need to stop. I know it will be difficult...but I think I can do it once I come up with a plan like some of you suggested. I know I will feel much better without this poison in my body everyday.
Alive in the Superunknown
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: 30.47ºN, 98.15ºW
Posts: 1,460
Clear-headed mornings are perhaps my favorite thing about sobriety. I too find I sleep less and find it more refreshing.
A plan is definitely a necessity for sobriety, but no plan in the world will work without determined execution.
We can do this!
A plan is definitely a necessity for sobriety, but no plan in the world will work without determined execution.
We can do this!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 295
I don't know where you live but I've read that Americans have unusually high levels of anxiety that are most likely related to lack of social connections. There isn't much community sometimes.
I found it helped my loneliness to just get involved in several organizations, started church even though I'm not too religious. There's also a nationwide group of social clubs on Meetup.com. I LOVE that site. I've been to art galleries, indoor rock climbing, ice skating etc and all kinds of stuff sometimes with people I bearly knew. Sure beat coming home to an empty house every night.
Any type of organization where you can go regularly and see the same people should eventually lead to friendships, and gets you out of your lonely hole if nothing else.
Volunteer groups are almost everywhere, too
I found it helped my loneliness to just get involved in several organizations, started church even though I'm not too religious. There's also a nationwide group of social clubs on Meetup.com. I LOVE that site. I've been to art galleries, indoor rock climbing, ice skating etc and all kinds of stuff sometimes with people I bearly knew. Sure beat coming home to an empty house every night.
Any type of organization where you can go regularly and see the same people should eventually lead to friendships, and gets you out of your lonely hole if nothing else.
Volunteer groups are almost everywhere, too
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 102
I also thought I had bowel issues, IBD, or the like. I'd have to go 2 times a day, almost unpredictable, and urgent. Eat spicy food and it might be 4-5 times in a day.
When I quit drinking the first thing my system did was lock up. My doctor helped me through this.
After 3 months I didn't need any meds or supplements for this at all, as long as I am sure to eat some fiber every day. I am very regular now and spicy food does nothing to my schedule (it actually helps me stay regular)
Bottom line : all my intestinal issues were caused by flushing 10-14 drinks a day through my system. Just looking at that sentence I wonder how I ever thought it was anything else?
When I quit drinking the first thing my system did was lock up. My doctor helped me through this.
After 3 months I didn't need any meds or supplements for this at all, as long as I am sure to eat some fiber every day. I am very regular now and spicy food does nothing to my schedule (it actually helps me stay regular)
Bottom line : all my intestinal issues were caused by flushing 10-14 drinks a day through my system. Just looking at that sentence I wonder how I ever thought it was anything else?
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