the reason...
 

i always drank is that my family never loved me or accepted me. and at 30 I'm still messed up about it. they stuck me in rehab so they didnt have to deal with me.

But your staying sober now right. Remaining sober for yourself is more important then them etc.

So now its your body and your mind to take care of. Love or no love you can't drown your sorrows in alcohol. It will kill you given enough time. Make the best use of rehab. Just don't drink. Things will get better. Trust me.

Welcome, Katie. I'm sorry for what you've been through. I'm glad you joined us - there are many good people to talk to here - and we understand.

Your very young to realize WHY you want to numb yourself.
I also feel like my family never truly "loved" me....they tolerated me.
And even then...they didn't tolerate me for very long. I was kicked out of my parents house when I was 17.

I am going to be 52 pretty soon. I still feel the rejection. It has affected every part of my life. Mainly, my self esteem.

But, at this age...I am realizing...I have to love ME. I can't depend on others too,..and I have gotten into many bad situations looking for others to love me. Start learning to love yourself now. The concept is loving yourself is not "silly" or just something people say. It is VERY important to your happiness.

if you stay angry like I did my whole adult life...you will have a very poor chance of staying sober. It took me this long and many hospital stays in the last 2 years...to learn I am WORTH living...I want to LIVE...and drinking has been killing me all these years.

Missy,

You are a true inspiration in my eyes. Not easy to have the courage to love yourself both strong and weak especially without the proper support of family. I'm still learning how to, seems like lots of us are.. Guess since we're together in that we're also not alone. Xx

Hi Katie :)

A lot of us have Family of Origin issues. I'm really glad you're dealing with your issues so young. There's no need to perpetuate the pain and hurt another 30 years :)

D

You are now the sober Katie who has the choice to stay that way, I'm glad you are here and thank for sharing your story.

is this an addict problem or a life problem?

Dealing with our addictions, and other behaviors we used to cope with emotional pain, helps create the environment to heal. You have to remove the addictive behavior before you can address the rest of it. It took me almost two years of sobriety before I started to understand why my thinking and reactions to life's events were so messed up. It's really worthwhile, and even more so because you're still young.

I second the above post. Can't fix something I'm avoiding.

I think that the reason you're not drinking is just as important.

Focus on that.

I think this is where it gets complicated.

This is how I figure in my case. I have a long list of reasons to drink. childhood abuse issues parents that screwed me etc..

I also have reasons like its sunday or tuesday or a good day or a bad day to justify drinking.

I basicly always have a reason to drink.

Whats the addict whats not? I dunno I guess both but how the heck do i go on sober with this kind of crap huanting me all the time? Well I had to kinda take a little at a time and deal with it. Dealing with it helps me remain sober. But I can only deal with so much at a time. And I had to realize I was not going to deal with it all over night and wake up cured one day that it was going to take some time to get to where i wanted to get too.

Fast forward for me at over 4 years sober. I'm still not "there" I dont know if i'll ever be "there" I dunno if i even want to be "there" I'm realizing that getting sober is more about the journey then the destination for me. Paying attention to the present moment and the path beneath my feet is far more important then the rest on the horizon or way behind me etc..

Hang in there it will get easier. but getting sober for me was a very selfish thing that i did for me and my health to make me a better person. I had to quit careing about my abusers and such and focus on myself and being loving and gentle to myself.

Or they got you into rehab so you could get better. Sounds pretty caring to me.

Please utilize the tools you were given in rehab to stay sober. While sober, please work on your esteem issues. Once you start loving yourself, you'll learn to love the sober life.

I'm sorry you have family issues that hurt you. :hug: You need to learn to love yourself, first and foremost. :hug:

I had a very tough childhood as well and drank to "self medicate", not feel the pain. Thanks to countless AA meetings and the support of the fellowship, plus therapy and anti-depressants, I'm sober 24 year and have a good life today. Good luck in not picking up a drink one day at a time. We heal, but never when drinking.

Yep started out as self medication for me too! all because of a crap childhood then I had big boy problems and real life issues that the only way i new how to deal with was to just drink. By then it was too late i was hooked and drank for any reason or no reason at all it didnt matter.

Glad to be sober now myself too. 24 years that sounds awesome!! and impossible from my view. But I have over 4 and at one point 1 day seemed impossible so go figure.

im in an aftercare facility right now and it is so lonely. i am stuck in a strange city in a big house with only a couple other people who have boyfriends and are out all the time, so i am basically alone. in a strange place with no car, no friends, no job, and no money. Its nearly impossible to get a job under these circumstances. my family is paying for me to stay in this situation because they wouldn't accept me back into their house after i spent 31 days in rehab. it hurts so much. i feel so alone, trapped, and misunderstood.

I'm sorry you're feeling so lonely. :hug:

Were here with you, you have us