the reason...
Sorry to hear things are tough at the moment. I also had lots of painful memories that I'd turned into deep, deep, resentments over the years and which I drank on. As well as all the other reasons for drinking - of which there were many. (E.g. It's Friday; it's Sunday; I feel great; I feel ****; my friends aren't around; my friends are around; my team won; my team lost; I've got toothache; I can't pay my bills; I've won £20; It's Xmas; it's valentines; I'm eating; I gained weight ; I lost weight ; etc. etc.)
The reason life problems and addiction problems seem blurred, is because we blur them. We, at the crux of it, label alcohol with the word 'Solution' and treat it like a cure-all. We also label it 'Treat'. So every time there is a problem in our lives (something to arouse negative emotions) we pour ourselves a 'Solution'. And whenever we feel good about something, we pour ourselves a 'Treat'. It's no easy matter to mentally relabel it with its true and most up-to-date labels for us. I try to keep in mind that for me 'Problem' and 'Poison' are more correct. Not for normies, obviously. But for me, the alcoholic. And once I'd removed alcohol I needed to find new, better, more effective solutions and treats, and be proactive about doing so - I suppose that was what my 'Plan' was - putting different solutions and treats in place, and avoiding triggers.
The good news is that if you have the internet you can soon find where AA meetings are located. Who's in charge of the facility? Presumably there is someone there who can help you arrange getting to meetings, if you ask. Otherwise it's just a house.
Would you be less lonely if you were at home with your family, or is that just wishful thinking that's allowing you to build that environment up to be something that, in reality, it wouldn't be? I ask because the separateness that I suffered from (and still can do if I allow it head space) meant that I could feel lonely and alone even surrounded by people. That was /is 'me' and my alcoholism (rather than outside factors, ie what they actually said or did). It was also really difficult to be alone with my own thoughts until I'd dealt with my demons (by which I mean my resentments; my fears; and the harms I'd done to others).
Stick with it - things will get better if you can stay sober and work on your recovery. It just doesn't happen over night. And as much as it might feel like these feelings could just kill you right now, actually they can't.
One of the things that really helped me come to terms with some of my family issues was the CoDa handbook (codependent anon) which really helped me understand some of my own behaviours and feelings, and made it a bit easier to learn to sit with myself. It's available from Amazon for Kindle or in paperback pretty cheaply.
Wishing you all the best for your journey through sobriety to recovery.
The reason life problems and addiction problems seem blurred, is because we blur them. We, at the crux of it, label alcohol with the word 'Solution' and treat it like a cure-all. We also label it 'Treat'. So every time there is a problem in our lives (something to arouse negative emotions) we pour ourselves a 'Solution'. And whenever we feel good about something, we pour ourselves a 'Treat'. It's no easy matter to mentally relabel it with its true and most up-to-date labels for us. I try to keep in mind that for me 'Problem' and 'Poison' are more correct. Not for normies, obviously. But for me, the alcoholic. And once I'd removed alcohol I needed to find new, better, more effective solutions and treats, and be proactive about doing so - I suppose that was what my 'Plan' was - putting different solutions and treats in place, and avoiding triggers.
The good news is that if you have the internet you can soon find where AA meetings are located. Who's in charge of the facility? Presumably there is someone there who can help you arrange getting to meetings, if you ask. Otherwise it's just a house.
Would you be less lonely if you were at home with your family, or is that just wishful thinking that's allowing you to build that environment up to be something that, in reality, it wouldn't be? I ask because the separateness that I suffered from (and still can do if I allow it head space) meant that I could feel lonely and alone even surrounded by people. That was /is 'me' and my alcoholism (rather than outside factors, ie what they actually said or did). It was also really difficult to be alone with my own thoughts until I'd dealt with my demons (by which I mean my resentments; my fears; and the harms I'd done to others).
Stick with it - things will get better if you can stay sober and work on your recovery. It just doesn't happen over night. And as much as it might feel like these feelings could just kill you right now, actually they can't.
One of the things that really helped me come to terms with some of my family issues was the CoDa handbook (codependent anon) which really helped me understand some of my own behaviours and feelings, and made it a bit easier to learn to sit with myself. It's available from Amazon for Kindle or in paperback pretty cheaply.
Wishing you all the best for your journey through sobriety to recovery.
Read Beccybean's post again. It's full of applicable wisdom.
Get the number for the local AA hotline and call them. Tell them that you are newly sober, in after care, have no car and want to go to a meeting. They will have a lady that surely give you a ride to and from a meeting. Those people want to help but you have to reach out because they have no idea you are in need.
You can have reasons, or you can have results, but you can't have both.
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Syracuse, NY
Posts: 1,232
No getting around it -- families can suck sometimes and sometimes they're even the biggest piece of baggage we have to dump in order to live life to its fullest.
Food for thought: The best revenge is living well.
They've been living rent-free in your head for a very long time. It's time to evict them and live well.
Food for thought: The best revenge is living well.
They've been living rent-free in your head for a very long time. It's time to evict them and live well.
Many here have felt just as you are now Katie....keep reading & posting here. Have you done any journaling? Maybe start a gratitude list or read the gratitude thread here. (Hugs to you)
Did you try calling to find a ride to a meeting? I would have to think someone from your local chapter could help. Or call the trestment facility, they could certainly help you find a way. There is always hope!
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