Need a beginning point
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 1
Need a beginning point
I have many things on my mind and have difficulty putting them into words.
I am 26 and have had ongoing problems with alcohol abuse for the last 2-3 years. I had no ambition to read about or reach out to blogs or forums. To be honest I just feel like writing a few words that do not have to be connected to conversations with family or health professionals.
I had hurt myself in a basketball game around 3 years ago which stopped me from being able to do alot of things. I was very stressed with work and general life and decided to dab in a bit of binge drinking. I had done it on a few occasions since becoming 18 but it never felt like a problem. I had alot of problems in my teen years and worked extremely hard to bring myself from a deep depression. Conquering a few random drinking sessions seemed easy to me but I never did. Realising now and accepting that I have high anxiety and depression again along with a drinking problem has been very hard and every day is a battle.
I won't get into a life long story but some of the things I have done over the last few years have hurt and shocked me beyond belief. The sorts of things that I did not feel capable of. Lying, deception, cheating, frightening loved ones and most recent causing an accident (no injuries).
I have tried to put guards in place to try and stop me from accessing alcohol, submitting money and id's to my partner, car is heading to the wreckers but I always manage to find a way. My anxiety, job and financial position at the moment would be my main reasons to try and numb the pain. I have tried to stop drinking but tend to relapse after a max of 3-4 weeks. I am working with a psychiatrist and community addiction services currently (and actually attending with an intent to try help myself this time).
This is not a cry to be felt sorry for, I just truly want to do the best I can to achieve sobriety and lift myself from the negative being I see myself as. For me first and loved ones second, something of which has been a difficult feat all my life. Curing myself is what will help with the interactions I will face in the future.
I am 26 and have had ongoing problems with alcohol abuse for the last 2-3 years. I had no ambition to read about or reach out to blogs or forums. To be honest I just feel like writing a few words that do not have to be connected to conversations with family or health professionals.
I had hurt myself in a basketball game around 3 years ago which stopped me from being able to do alot of things. I was very stressed with work and general life and decided to dab in a bit of binge drinking. I had done it on a few occasions since becoming 18 but it never felt like a problem. I had alot of problems in my teen years and worked extremely hard to bring myself from a deep depression. Conquering a few random drinking sessions seemed easy to me but I never did. Realising now and accepting that I have high anxiety and depression again along with a drinking problem has been very hard and every day is a battle.
I won't get into a life long story but some of the things I have done over the last few years have hurt and shocked me beyond belief. The sorts of things that I did not feel capable of. Lying, deception, cheating, frightening loved ones and most recent causing an accident (no injuries).
I have tried to put guards in place to try and stop me from accessing alcohol, submitting money and id's to my partner, car is heading to the wreckers but I always manage to find a way. My anxiety, job and financial position at the moment would be my main reasons to try and numb the pain. I have tried to stop drinking but tend to relapse after a max of 3-4 weeks. I am working with a psychiatrist and community addiction services currently (and actually attending with an intent to try help myself this time).
This is not a cry to be felt sorry for, I just truly want to do the best I can to achieve sobriety and lift myself from the negative being I see myself as. For me first and loved ones second, something of which has been a difficult feat all my life. Curing myself is what will help with the interactions I will face in the future.
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Hi Kuneboarder,
I applaud you for posting even though you don't have much desire to participate in a forum. The biggest lesson I've learned over the course of the past couple of months is that I need to push myself to do things that make me uncomfortable in order to get better.
I think it would be a great idea to just write here for yourself - to have that place that is away from family and professionals. It's been tremendously helpful for me to have a mechanism to "process." I come here and post something every day regardless of how I'm feeling, whether I have something to say or not. It helps me to stay on track.
Welcome.
I applaud you for posting even though you don't have much desire to participate in a forum. The biggest lesson I've learned over the course of the past couple of months is that I need to push myself to do things that make me uncomfortable in order to get better.
I think it would be a great idea to just write here for yourself - to have that place that is away from family and professionals. It's been tremendously helpful for me to have a mechanism to "process." I come here and post something every day regardless of how I'm feeling, whether I have something to say or not. It helps me to stay on track.
Welcome.
You're not shackled to not drinking, you're free from drinking
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 1,406
Hi kuneboarder and welcome. There are some similarities in your story and mine. What has helped me is asking and really reflecting on "is dinking going to make anything better" Sure it numbs things out and I can escape for awhile but will that make anything better. Nothing will be different a few hours later and my life will still suck. By not dinking I have a chance, although no guarantees, that I can make things better. I'm 3 days away from 6 months sober so if I can do it so can you. Hang in there and give yourself a chance for a better life.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: fort worth tx
Posts: 1,373
Kuneboarder your 26 right. Lets think about this. Only 2 things are going to happen. If you continue drinking your life will get worse and you could you loose it to alcoholism. ...or you can quit now and enjoy the rest of your life. That's the reality of being a alcoholic. I don't think anyone here is going to feel sorry for you one way or another. The choice is yours. But that's the beauty of it, you have a choice. I advise you to take this seriously and realize that alcoholism is a deadly disease. It wants to kill you. And if you make a career out of drinking, that's exactly what will happen.
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