TrapezeFreak

So a question for the people who have some decent sober time. Has anybody simply used AA as like a support group and made it work? I mean like not done the sponsor or truly work through the steps but simply use the help of the people in the room and the Blue Book and made it out? I only ask because I just seem to mightily struggle with AA and I am not sure why. I get things out of most meetings but the step process throws me off.

I'm truly in the midst of a hellish episode and am scratching and clawing and looking for answers. I fear I am losing it all and hope is getting dire. I'm sad and scared.

Thanks for reading.

TF

ScottFromWI

If going to meetings is helping I'd say keep going. Perhaps over time you can lean more about the program and decide if it will help or not. Asking people there for answers will most likely be of more benefit than people outside the program.

sg1970

The steps are AA. The step process threw me off as well until I finally had enough of being miserable and worked them with my sponsor. That was when I was 3 months sober and I continue to work them today.

Are they throwing you off because you can't figure them out on your own or do they throw you off as in "I don't like the sound of them"? If it's the former quit trying to figure them out and get a sponsor and work them. If it's the latter I don't see why you can't use the meetings for support and read the Big Book. But the steps=AA=The Big Book. The steps are where the relief is.

TrapezeFreak

I know I have a problem with the "higher power" and I also am still so early on in the admission that I have gotten so far gone. So I guess with time and continuation of following through I can make the program help in the way it is supposed to. I have met a few people at my local club that I see genuinely care and I try to check in with at least one of them daily. Also my therapist is a recovering alcoholic (amazing to me) and he has helped me to see the benefits of the program and how he viewed it and then used it to his advantage.

aasharon90

My experience with my sponsor was to
have her available for me when I had
questions or directions or suggestions
guiding me through the process of
working, living, incorporating the
steps and principle set down for us
the AA program of recovery.

I basicly went to many book studies,
12 step studies, open meetings, speaker
meetings where I could learn about
each step, listen to how it works, absorbing
what was and still is important in building
a strong foundation to live upon each day
I remained sober one day at a time.

I was one that went to class on my own,
did the footwork on my own, living what
I learned on my own.

My sponsor was there for support,
guiding me by her actions in remaining
sober for as long as she has.

I never liked bothering folks, however
I learned that its okay to ask for help
from anyone whether in recovery or
not. That is why my recovery foundation
is strong today because I leaned on a
many folks, members, friends in recovery
till I was strong, willing enough to live on
my recovery foundation by myself.

awuh1

I think the question to ask yourself is whether the steps are more likely to help you or hurt you in your effort to stay sober.

Typically a sponsor can help with all sorts of concerns about ways to work the steps, including problems with what to use as a higher power. I used Group Of Drunks for a while.

Get yourself a good sponsor. If you can keep an open mind about the possibility that a sponsor might help they seem have a way of showing up. At least that's what has happened for me.

All the best to you.

Nevertheless

I pretty much did it just by showing up. I never got a sponsor. I got to the 4th step,and stayed there. I think I am still on the 4th step
I have been sober almost 6 years to the day.
I didn't advertise the fact that I didn't have a sponsor. I also didn't advertise the fact that i wasn't bending over backwards to work the steps either. I did bend over backwards to treat everyone with utmost respect. For me,being around other people trying to stay sober is what i needed. I went at least twice a week for almost a year. I drank almost every day for 30 years.
Hard core AA people might say I'm on a dry drunk,or some other term. But the fact is I am sober,and i have no desire to drink.
I left a lot of AA meetings wanting to drink more than I did when i went in. But going to those meetings gave me the strength to stay sober while i wasn't there. If that makes any sense.
By all means go and just "be there". The only qualification for membership is a desire to stay sober. The math is pretty simple to me. The odds of staying sober are way higher in an AA hall,than in a beer joint. LOL
I wish you the best.

ru12

Trap, the ONLY requirement fo AA membership is the desire to stop drinking. If the meetings help you stay sober go to them. For some people that is enough. If you find that it isn't enough then perhaps you can do the steps.... Or SMART or Rational Recovery, or post here everyday. Get sober and be of use to your fellows. In my experience those two were enough.

MIRecovery

My advice would be to go to a lot of meetings and the answers to your questions will materialize all by themselves.

I would recommend at least a temporary sponsor to guide you through early sobriety.

AA participation is a journey not a destination

sugarbear1

Step 2 didn't mean much to me other than willingness to work the rest of the steps, and step 2 made an impact after I got past step 7, with the guidance of a sponsor.

Berrybean

I did - for 7 or so months. And it really helped to be around people who knew what I was going though. I didn't really think I was far enough down the line to 'need all that other stuff' and certainly didn't want to ask someone to give up time for me, or tell anyone all the cringe worthy stuff about me from my past (and probably have them think badly of me).

I stayed sober, but also very sad, and filled with discontentment about my lot (being me; the way people had treated me in the past; my work; my partner; etc.) I needed to get pretty desperate before I found the willingness to open myself up to another person, and learn what it was about me that I could change to get some contentment and serenity.

Thing is, you can go along to meetings and not get a sponsor / do the steps. Nobody is going to make you get a sponsor / do step work. Everything in AA is 'suggested' - a bit like a cake recipe might 'suggest' ingredients. We can choose not to use them, but it's no good griping, as I did, that my sobriety wasn't turning out like the people who'd used all the suggested ingredients. The suggestions are for things that will give us a better quality, or more comfortable, sobriety. The more comfortable we are, the easier (indeed, more preferable, in the end) it will be for us to not pick up a drink again. My life on the outside is the same as it was before the steps. Inside, things are remarkably different, and I'm really glad that I finally took the plunge and did those things that I didn't feel comfortable doing.

Have you ever noticed that alcohol / drinking is only even mentioned in the first step?

Good luck, whatever you decide.

Soberwolf

Simply put I was in hospital in 2013 because of my drinking just before that ride there I called AA spoke barely 5 minutes they advised going hospital (that saved my life)

Couldn't talk on phone because I was that sick the next morning I spoke with someone who took me to my first meeting and gave me the 2 wolves story later that night I asked him to sponser me

I didn't get sober right away but AA was there for me when I was struggling to be there for myself

I got and stayed sober 3 months later I doubt I'd be alive if it wasn't for things like AA

YogaAbba

I am finding this to be my experience as well. Meetings that focus more on literature than on personal stories help, because I think hearing other peoples' drinking stories just stokes my obsession. So it's better for me to focus on the process rather than my or anyone else's drinking history. But oddly, yes, being around others with the same issue helps. I think it's because alcoholism thrives on secrecy. The more I am around others and, with them, identify with alcohlism and being an alcoholic, the less I strength the obsession has.

That said, I personally am giving the steps a try. It is mighty difficult, no question. It's like a whole different language. But just being honest with myself about what confuses me, asking others, and listening to others (again, more so in literature meetings) seems to help. I'm not sure it's something I'll get intellectually. It seems as if the more I just make an effort -- demonstrating the willingness that the Big Book and the 12&12 book talk about -- the more things seem to shift.

But, as has already been said: whatever works! The nice thing about the SMART program is that it doesn't seem to be dogmatic and I could easily imagine using it as a resource as well as attending AA meetings. If the steps don't work for me, that will be my next stop.

Best of luck!
--YA

Gottalife

The answer to this question might well lie in step one. Until we understand what it means to be powerless over alcohol, and have an unmangeable life, there is little motivation to do anything about it. Especially stuff as in depth as some of the steps appear to be.

The forewords to the first and second editions, The Doctor's Opinion, and the first 43 pages of the big book will shed a lot of light on this if you study them closley and compare what your read to your own experience.

When you take the first drink, can you guarantee everytime how much you will have? Do you have the phenomenon of craving? Have you lost the power of choice, or can you chose to not drink and stay stopped indefinitely? Do you find yourself drinking when you intended not to drink that day. Do you find yourself drinking without any concious thought about the consequences?

The answers to these sort of questions gave me a clear picture of the problem. I am a chronic alcoholic, the only know remedy is complete abstinence, and the alternative is that over time things will continue to get worse, I will/did lose my friends, job, family, self respect, and sanity to this disease, and very possibly my life. Life will be utterly miserable and I can confirm that from my experience.

Once I know the problem, I know that choice is off the table if I want to survive. Nothing is optional anymore. I must find a way to stop and stay stopped. Step two invites us to consider how this might happen.

I came to believe a lot of things would restore me to sanity. Doctor, rehab, courts, police, new girlfriend, new town etc. none did. Step two asks if we are willing to believe that the same power that helped those other AAs, might possibly help us too. I was and it did.

It is not complicated. The usual problem is we want to understand the steps before we take them, cover our bets so to speak. Unfortunately they can only be understood in hindsight. Passages that are totally meaningless to us in the big book, suddenly come to life after takeing the steps, because we have now experienced what the book is talking about. That seems to be how it works, action first and understanding will follow. Don't take my word for it, try it for yourself

The only requirement for AA membership is a desire to stop drinking, but if you are an alcoholic of my type, that is most certainly not the only requirement for sobriety.

Dave42001

I agree with MIRecovery.. This really worked for me..

My advice would be to go to a lot of meetings and the answers to your questions will materialize all bY themselves..

As far as a sponsor.. Everyone needs a coach, mentor, sponsor.. Remember the movie, Rocky? Even Rocky had a coach, Micky!!

You can do this!! Good luck to you my friend!!

YogaAbba

Focusing the question in this way is helpful. I tried to work this thing out just from reading the doctor's opinion in the Big Book. The impression I got from the Big Book is that you're only an alcoholic if you take one drink and then go on a wild bender that lands you in the hospital. It can look different from that picture. Not being able to "guarantee everytime" may mean that there are times and circumstances when you seem to be able to control it. Staying "stopped indefinitely" can also look different for different people. I heard a guy at a meeting recently who had remained abstinent on his own for fourteen years. Then he thought it would be good for his "health" to starting drinking a glass of red wine every day. He was able to maintain that pattern every day for over a year. And then came the day of "why not another one" that led to daily drinking himself into a blackout. In his case, the physical craving took a long and extended period to take over.

Cunning, baffling, and powerful indeed.

--YA

fini

it's doable, of course, and there are people sober with fellowship alone.
what that misses, though, is what AA really has to offer as "the solution", which is not the fellowship.

and to be in a fellowship without wanting to focus on and put effort into what's held as the solution the AA's agree on in common, is likely to be a source of difficulty.

not trying to discourage you, but pointing out an angle. until i "wanted what they had", i found it very frustrating.

Rmz250

What happened to the allergy in his case? How did he go a year without the phenomenon of craving as a result of his allergy? Did his allergy just disappear for a year and then return? This doesn't make sense with regards to the physical aspect of addiction I was taught.

ru12

I thing the allergy is metaphor. I don't think most people get a histamine reaction from taking a sip of booze. When I drank most of the time I could control it, but sometimes I couldn't. And that failed control told me that it was dangerous and unethical for me to drink. So I stopped drinking.

stevieg46

What happened to the allergy in his case ? I would day ''sheer will power '' for a while then ''boom '' try stopping diahorrea with will power , the illusion has to be smashed that someday some how we would be able to drink normally again .

Regards Stevie recovered 12 03 2006 .