FarToGo

I'm in an emotionally poor, lonely, sometimes toxic relationship with a self centred man. I've known this for some time, but stayed for my daughter (not her dad though), stayed because I can't afford to move, then more recently, stayed because it's not advisable to make big changes in the first year of being sober.
I now have to leave, he wants me to as well, "I've disappointed him".
I've done 11 months sober and it's not really that I'm scared of drinking to get through this, though I will be extra careful, just that I'm scared generally. I'm 50, I'll be really hard up, and I'll struggle to meet bills, our lives will change a lot, it's going to be hard.
Please send me some positive messages!!
thank you
xx

Wholesome

I left a bad relationship with two small children and it was the most terrifying thing I've ever had to do. And it was hard, we were poor for awhile and I was lonely. But I figured it out and today I'm in a happy relationship and the money worked itself out. I worked 2 jobs for awhile and looked to government subsidies. I felt better about myself being poor and lonely than I did living with him and letting him abuse me and put me down. You can do this!

FarToGo

Bless you Zenchaser, just what I need to hear right now. I'm really glad for you as well.
xx

Kallistia

You are thinking of the bad you will face leaving while not seeing the bad you currently face staying. You are trading one set of obstacles for another but you will do wonderfully! Positive vibes for you, one step at s time and think on the day you look back at today and know it was all worth it

Dee74

Hi FarToGo

...unless you need to for your well being

I know this is scary, but I think it's definitely for the best, Neither you or your daughter deserves second best

I think this could be the beginning of something great for you - best wishes

D

least

I hope you can find some peace of mind.

FarToGo

Thank you so much, wise and caring folk.
xxxxxxxxxx

Dropsie

This is good. Wont be easy, but good.

I stayed for more than 20 years in a relationship like you describe - run while you can. I just so wish I had left when my eldest was younger.

You will make it work.

Hawkeye13

Sending your strength Far to do what you need to do
for yourself and your child.

A peaceful home where kindness and love are most important
is something you can and will have.
Sobriety often shows us how we drank to accept the unacceptable.

trachemys

That silly book has very important advice: Don't Panic.

It's major change. You can make it good.

Berrybean

You'll have a new set of challenges. The difference being that the old 'challenge' wasn't doable )we can't change others) but the new ones - organising finances; bills; etc. IS possible.

Good luck with your fresh start - it sounds like a very positive thing to be happening for you and your daughter

Thumpalumpacus

It's generally not advisable to leave a ship when it's not at port, but if the thing has a hole in the side you may have to revise your views.

You can do this. What is difficult is still doable.

Congratulations on 11 months, and on defending your sobriety through a breakup. Good stuff!

FarToGo

The peaceful home is what I'm praying I can create, just need to find a way to make it stable/ doable financially.
You are right, lots of the last years I have been drinking to cope. Have to take some responsibility though, this is not the first relationship that's been a bad one. Maybe (hopefully) a sober me will make better life choices.
Thank you so much all of you.
xx

FarToGo

Thank you! You are all kind, wise and lovely to respond.
I can do it, what's more I have to.
Scared? Hell yes.
Sober? Watch me (no that's not arrogance, it's me digging my heels in, I have to make this work)
Love to all of you.
xx

Thumpalumpacus

There's nothing wrong with feeling fear so long as you don't let it rule you.

Delilah1

Eleven months sober is fantastic. You should also be proud of your decision to leave for you and your child. Sending lots of prayers your way, you can do this!!

Obladi

I stayed for too long in my marriage because I was afraid of how I was going to get along alone with three young children. Life was way better after we left. It was way more lonely being with him than without.

uncorked

Hi Far, I'm in a similar situation. My controlling and verbally abusive husband filed for divorce in September. I'm 52 and stayed home with my kids, haven't worked a "real" job in over 20 years. I signed a prenup so I won't get anything but child support. Scary? Hell, yes! But I agree with OPs, it's so much more peaceful not having to walk on eggshells. I won't have the million $ lifestyle anymore but the price wasn't worth it. And neither is yours.

Notimetoloose

FTG, Congratulations on 11 months..it is wonderful.
I just wanted to send you some love and support in this difficult time.
I have no doubt that a new and far better door will open up for you once you close this one.

FarToGo

I'm so glad for you and thanks for sharing, it's going to help me to know it can be done.

xx