Question for the board
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Join Date: May 2015
Location: Washington, USA
Posts: 48
Question for the board
Hi all,
Is it possible to have a problem with alcohol and want to quit, but continue to smoke marijuana? I'll give you an example.
My wife for years was convinced I had an issue with alcohol. I denied it for a long time. Recently, I have agreed and have begun to take steps to quit. i.e., attending meetings, reading the Big Book, etc... I've also been reading Rational Recovery. The AVRT seems to fit with my worldview more than AA. But, I'm open to what ever works.
However, while I do feel alcohol obviously was an issue in my marriage as my wife has a problem with it. I would commit to not drinking, but I was unable to (at times). I was never an everyday drinker. But, I would drink Friday, Saturday nights and some Sundays. Then I might have 3 or 4 beers during a couple nights a week.
Marijuana has been something we have both enjoyed. We live in a state in the US where it is legal. I typically only smoke in the evenings when the kids are in bed. It's something my wife and I would do together.
She has recently gotten involved in Al Anon. What's she's read and heard is that I will be unsuccessful in quitting if I continue to smoke. So, now she has essentially said, we will not be able to be together unless I fully commit to stopping all substances, MJ included.
This is confusing for a number of reasons. 1) MJ wasn't a problem for her until she started learning more about AA. 2) I genuinely don't believe this is an issue for me.
What's the boards thoughts?
Is it possible to have a problem with alcohol and want to quit, but continue to smoke marijuana? I'll give you an example.
My wife for years was convinced I had an issue with alcohol. I denied it for a long time. Recently, I have agreed and have begun to take steps to quit. i.e., attending meetings, reading the Big Book, etc... I've also been reading Rational Recovery. The AVRT seems to fit with my worldview more than AA. But, I'm open to what ever works.
However, while I do feel alcohol obviously was an issue in my marriage as my wife has a problem with it. I would commit to not drinking, but I was unable to (at times). I was never an everyday drinker. But, I would drink Friday, Saturday nights and some Sundays. Then I might have 3 or 4 beers during a couple nights a week.
Marijuana has been something we have both enjoyed. We live in a state in the US where it is legal. I typically only smoke in the evenings when the kids are in bed. It's something my wife and I would do together.
She has recently gotten involved in Al Anon. What's she's read and heard is that I will be unsuccessful in quitting if I continue to smoke. So, now she has essentially said, we will not be able to be together unless I fully commit to stopping all substances, MJ included.
This is confusing for a number of reasons. 1) MJ wasn't a problem for her until she started learning more about AA. 2) I genuinely don't believe this is an issue for me.
What's the boards thoughts?
Last edited by Sleepbetteray; 03-01-2016 at 11:01 AM. Reason: edit
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
livin in a state where pot is legal wouldnt justify me smokin pot. i had to give up all mind and mood altering substances. i had enough experience from my past that showed me just smokin pot and not drinking didnt last long.
also, i dont think i would have been able to look at causes and conditions for drinking if i was high.
also, i dont think i would have been able to look at causes and conditions for drinking if i was high.
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
tough call. I've never quit drinking and then smoked to really find out what might happen so my opinion might not mean much.
I do think that if I where to smoke pot i'd simply be doing the same thing I did with booze numbing myself from lifes BS and escaping etc.. It'd be the same game just a different drug. Would i be able to get addicted to marijuana? I dont think so. But I think if i put it down after that I'd be itchen to do something anything to numb out life and unwind at the end of the day.
That being said i've pondered smoking pot again even put a thread up hre about it not long ago. I take the choice to do it pretty seriously and as yet I cant find a good enough reason to dive into that habit again.
if MJ is no biggie for you quit it along with the booze and just see how it goes.
It sounds like your wife is trying to be strong for her sobrieties sake. I dunno her journey is her journey yours is yours when it comes to sobriety. She shoudnt expect you to do anything one way or another. That being said it might be nice of you to be supportive and stop doing it just to make her life a bit easier.
In my house we both smoked. we both smoked pot. I had a drinking problem she did not. We quit cigarettes a few times then usually i'd come home with a pack and liek 2 children we'd happily start up again. Even now if i brought dope home and endorsed it basicly she'd be estatic. We'd both just spiral downwards.
We quit dope years ago it was easy to put down. I up and decided to quit drinking one day 6 months later I quit smoking. and while we both squirmed i stuck to my guns and didnt light up again or drink again. Me deciding to be the stronger one and stick to it really made the difference this time for me and as a side affect for her too. Tho my wife never had an issue with booze.
Fast forward just a week ago or so my wife smokes dope. What can i do? its her choice whatever but I'm not partaking in it.
I do think that if I where to smoke pot i'd simply be doing the same thing I did with booze numbing myself from lifes BS and escaping etc.. It'd be the same game just a different drug. Would i be able to get addicted to marijuana? I dont think so. But I think if i put it down after that I'd be itchen to do something anything to numb out life and unwind at the end of the day.
That being said i've pondered smoking pot again even put a thread up hre about it not long ago. I take the choice to do it pretty seriously and as yet I cant find a good enough reason to dive into that habit again.
if MJ is no biggie for you quit it along with the booze and just see how it goes.
It sounds like your wife is trying to be strong for her sobrieties sake. I dunno her journey is her journey yours is yours when it comes to sobriety. She shoudnt expect you to do anything one way or another. That being said it might be nice of you to be supportive and stop doing it just to make her life a bit easier.
In my house we both smoked. we both smoked pot. I had a drinking problem she did not. We quit cigarettes a few times then usually i'd come home with a pack and liek 2 children we'd happily start up again. Even now if i brought dope home and endorsed it basicly she'd be estatic. We'd both just spiral downwards.
We quit dope years ago it was easy to put down. I up and decided to quit drinking one day 6 months later I quit smoking. and while we both squirmed i stuck to my guns and didnt light up again or drink again. Me deciding to be the stronger one and stick to it really made the difference this time for me and as a side affect for her too. Tho my wife never had an issue with booze.
Fast forward just a week ago or so my wife smokes dope. What can i do? its her choice whatever but I'm not partaking in it.
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Pacific Coast
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There's no hard and fast rule that if you smoke pot, you will be unable to quit drinking (or vice versa). If you look around, you're sure to find a few people who are addicted to one but can use the other in moderation.
However, as zjw pointed out, "same game, different drug" -- if you're using any kind of drug to tune out from the world on a regular basis, you're not living "life on life's terms."
As with any "Do I have a problem with drug 'x'?" questions, a good first step is to set a time period for abstinence -- say, 90 days. If you have a hard time going without it, you'll have your answer.
However, as zjw pointed out, "same game, different drug" -- if you're using any kind of drug to tune out from the world on a regular basis, you're not living "life on life's terms."
As with any "Do I have a problem with drug 'x'?" questions, a good first step is to set a time period for abstinence -- say, 90 days. If you have a hard time going without it, you'll have your answer.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Location: Washington, USA
Posts: 48
Thanks Andante. I agree with this premise: "There's no hard and fast rule that if you smoke pot, you will be unable to quit drinking (or vice versa). If you look around, you're sure to find a few people who are addicted to one but can use the other in moderation."
That is a good suggestion to stop for 90 days and see how big a deal it is. If I obsess then I have a problem. I also don't believe that my partaking in MJ is a way to escape reality. Of course, I want to believe that MJ is to me, what a glass of wine in the evenings is for your normal drinker. But, I'm not high all the time or even much of the time.
I know that if my wife hadn't had an issue with it, I wouldn't even consider it a problem. While with the booze, even when I was not wanting to admit I had a problem, deep down, I knew I did. When I started, I often times had a hard time stopping. I would plan my day around drinking, etc... With MJ, once all the day's work and chores are done, and it's time to relax before bed, I like to smoke a bowl. I take in about 3 or 4 puffs and it's all good. And for years my wife would join me. It's something I look forward to enjoying with her, like many couples I know are about a glass of fine wine with dinner.
That is a good suggestion to stop for 90 days and see how big a deal it is. If I obsess then I have a problem. I also don't believe that my partaking in MJ is a way to escape reality. Of course, I want to believe that MJ is to me, what a glass of wine in the evenings is for your normal drinker. But, I'm not high all the time or even much of the time.
I know that if my wife hadn't had an issue with it, I wouldn't even consider it a problem. While with the booze, even when I was not wanting to admit I had a problem, deep down, I knew I did. When I started, I often times had a hard time stopping. I would plan my day around drinking, etc... With MJ, once all the day's work and chores are done, and it's time to relax before bed, I like to smoke a bowl. I take in about 3 or 4 puffs and it's all good. And for years my wife would join me. It's something I look forward to enjoying with her, like many couples I know are about a glass of fine wine with dinner.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
I think it's really up to you to answer that question for yourself. SR by nature is a sobriety board, and we have subforums for those addicted to marijuana just as we have subforums for other substance abuse, etc. So you will not find anyone advocating for you to smoke marijuana...in fact that would be against site policy to do so.
I think the substance itself is sort of irrelevant. There are lots and lots of people in the world who can moderately and safely consume alcohol, but for those of us who are alcoholics we know it's a pipe dream to assume that we can ever consume it in a controlled manner. You most likely need to ask yourself if you TRULY believe that your marijuana use is simply recreational, or are you trying to fill the gap left by quitting alcohol? If so - the motivation is most likely addiction and smoking pot will become an addictive habit.
At the end of your post you say "I genuinely don't believe this is an issue for me" in relation to Marijuana. I would have 2 responses to that for you to consider.
1. Most of us genuinely didn't believe alcohol was an issue for us either. You also admit the same. What facts lead you to genuinely believe that pot will be any different?
2. If you genuinely believe it's not an issue, why are you asking for opinions on a sobriety forum? Maybe you don't "really" genuinely believe that after all?
I think the substance itself is sort of irrelevant. There are lots and lots of people in the world who can moderately and safely consume alcohol, but for those of us who are alcoholics we know it's a pipe dream to assume that we can ever consume it in a controlled manner. You most likely need to ask yourself if you TRULY believe that your marijuana use is simply recreational, or are you trying to fill the gap left by quitting alcohol? If so - the motivation is most likely addiction and smoking pot will become an addictive habit.
At the end of your post you say "I genuinely don't believe this is an issue for me" in relation to Marijuana. I would have 2 responses to that for you to consider.
1. Most of us genuinely didn't believe alcohol was an issue for us either. You also admit the same. What facts lead you to genuinely believe that pot will be any different?
2. If you genuinely believe it's not an issue, why are you asking for opinions on a sobriety forum? Maybe you don't "really" genuinely believe that after all?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Location: Washington, USA
Posts: 48
Thanks for the reply Scott. Great point regarding your 2 responses. I guess my retort would be. 1) I knew I had a problem with alcohol, but I didn't want to admit it. 2) This is an issue because my wife believes it will hurt me in quitting alcohol.
I've never smoked MJ and woke up the next day not knowing what I did or said. I've never woke up having that feeling that something went wrong the night before, but wasn't sure what it was because my memory was spotty. I've never woke up the next day after smoking a little weed and swore that was the last time because I felt like death. I guess my point is, I've never regretted smoking MJ, like I did a million times when I drank.
Again, I appreciate all the responses.
I've never smoked MJ and woke up the next day not knowing what I did or said. I've never woke up having that feeling that something went wrong the night before, but wasn't sure what it was because my memory was spotty. I've never woke up the next day after smoking a little weed and swore that was the last time because I felt like death. I guess my point is, I've never regretted smoking MJ, like I did a million times when I drank.
Again, I appreciate all the responses.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by Sleepbetteray 
I've never smoked MJ and woke up the next day not knowing what I did or said. I've never woke up having that feeling that something went wrong the night before, but wasn't sure what it was because my memory was spotty. I've never woke up the next day after smoking a little weed and swore that was the last time because I felt like death. I guess my point is, I've never regretted smoking MJ, like I did a million times when I drank.
now's the time
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,181
I think your 90 day quit plan is a good idea. It sounds like your wife is reasonably concerned rather than being controlling, and that being the case I think prioritizing the relationship by giving it a break is the smart move. And 90 days is a good amount of time for you to honestly evaluate what role it has in your life and whether it's worth it to you.
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Pacific Coast
Posts: 785
If you can truly take it or leave it, then the decision to leave it for 90 days shouldn't be a difficult one to make. After all, it certainly can't hurt you to abstain, and it would make your wife happy. I'd call that a win/win 
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I personally think that our real problem as alcoholics is a persistent refusal to deal with reality on reality's terms. For me that means ceasing use of all intoxicants. Note: I stopped MJ use about a decade ago, but kept on drinking 'til I find myself where i am today, new to recovery.
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Join Date: Jan 2012
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Some questions in life are hard and some are easy.
This is an easy one.
You can't get sober without also being clean.
If you want a better life, I strongly suggest that you give up alcohol and all drugs.
Staying blown away is nowhere.
I did it for too many years.
Best to you, amigo.
Help is available any time you want it.
This is an easy one.
You can't get sober without also being clean.
If you want a better life, I strongly suggest that you give up alcohol and all drugs.
Staying blown away is nowhere.
I did it for too many years.
Best to you, amigo.
Help is available any time you want it.
You can have reasons, or you can have results, but you can't have both.
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Syracuse, NY
Posts: 1,232
I'm sorry to read that your wife is allowing someone else to dictate, or at least strongly influence, her decisions about your marriage. I know that in early recovery, it's easy for both addicts and families to be swayed by the advice and commentary of others. It's a very vulnerable time. I hope your wife will find her inner strength to decide for herself what she believes to be right. And then, negotiate the terms of the marriage with you, rather than others. I would hate to see your marriage stressed or ended over the opinions of a recovery group such as AA or AlAnon.
Good luck and take good care of yourself, no matter what transpires.
Good luck and take good care of yourself, no matter what transpires.
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