zjw

a few weeks ago someone put up a thread about an ex who was driven there kids around drunk etc..

Almost all the replies where like call CPS etc... I'm the first one to go wait a sec is calling CPS a bit extreme here? maybe it was an isolated incident etc.. But even I thought about it and went Yes absolutly call CPS..


Then this morning I was reminded when I was a kid my step father who was abusive and shoulda been put in jail etc.. One time we all went to a wedding we all got drunk cept my mom she wasnt really that drunk. My step father insisted on driving home the 2 hours. He was speeding the whole way nodding off at the wheel my mom was bitching at him that he had been drinking and need to slow down etc.. the entire time. I was like 14 and drunk too so I didnt care.


Now given my response to the first story and looking at my own story. Im like my god why didnt someone do something? No one ever called CPS when iw as getting beat no one ever called cps when this idiot drove us around drunk. all this Insane behavior that was NORMAL to me then I'e now realized was totally UNACCEPTABLE.

Its like ya wanna go back and call CPS and scream and say HEY COME ON THIS ISNT NORMAL!!!

But it raises the question how many kids are in these same situations these days.

Then there is the fine line between discipline and abuse. Oh and lets not forget the inds of kids who will call the cops on there parents when there parents really did do nothing wrong!

what a mess this all is.

I would have called child abuse on my parents as a kid but my step father was a sweet talker. I was terrified he'd sweet talk his way out of it then my beating would be 10 times worse for such a stunt.

I'm ok with it it is what it is. But sometimes this board can kinda reveal the truth about your own past circumstances and you think UGG it really was that screwed up wasnt it ::pulls hair out::

zjw

sad part too is my stepfather went on to remarry and breed out 2 more kids i sure hope he didnt ruin there friggen childhoods too.

its not my circus those aint my monkeys at this point. but yeah sometimes I think I can only imagine what kinda horrors go on in that house. Glad it aint in mine.

KAD

Yeah, I did that, far too many times. I did that with people other than my kids in the car with me. And, yeah, I deserved to have CPS called on me. I deserved to be arrested. None of that happened, but it isn't because God did me any favors. He did them a favor. He kept them alive in spite of my insanity and recklessness. He protected everyone on the road who came into contact with me. I can't go back and change any of what I did. I can only forgive myself, hope they will all forgive me, and live today.

Bunny211

I don't have kids but if I did I've no doubt they would've been taken away from me. Case in point: I was talking with another alcoholic about the brand of wine nips I used to drink. Sutter Home... Because they were plastic. Cavit wine nips are better but they are glass and shatter when you fire them out the car window on the way to work. Insanity.

silentrun

It's amazing what we get convinced is normal or no big deal. Especially when that is what was modeled for us. I remember once my mom got mad at me when I was 13. She hauled off and slapped me across the face hard. This woman saw it and freaked out but didn't say anything right there (I'm assuming she confronted my mom in private). For the longest time I thought her anger was directed at me because I was such a bad kid. It wasn't until I started to recover that I remembered that incident and realized she was upset with my mom's behavior. I actually had done nothing wrong.

zjw

Your working towards a positive direction!!

In my case even if my step father had up and decided to get his act together one day I think i woulda been glad to have him out of my life the cuts where too deep and besides he was my step father the old saying "blood is thicker then water" comes to mind in my case.

But he never did. Never bothered to try. Just blamed everyone around him for his crap situation. I took the brunt of his anger and frustration etc..

The funny thing is he always tried to discipline me and tell me how I needed to accept repsonsability for my actions etc.. I'd think umm...... He had some good lessons tho in hind site. His delivery method however was a bit friggen warped and jaded.

Im glad your making postive changes tho. Some people miss that chance and never ever get it.

I know someone whos mother committed suicide as an active addict etc.. I'd imagine he's asked himself why mom couldnt figure it out etc.. Luckily your kids wont have to ask themselves that becuase your figureing it out etc..

ScottFromWI

I personally know of multiple spouses/children who have been killed as a result of their spouse/parent driving drunk. And I read about other people who I don't know who die as a result of it on a pretty regular basis as well. Last fall there was a particularly disturbing accident near where I live. A young family was returning from a weekend BBQ party and the father had been drinking socially. On the way home, he fell asleep rounding a corner on the interstate and the vehicle rolled. . His pregnant wife was ejected from the vehicle, both she and the 7 month old baby died at the scene. His 2 younger children had to be extracted from the vehicle and suffered minor injures. He survived unscathed physically, but do you think he'd rather have had someone call him on his drunk driving - either by taking his keys away or getting pulled over and taken off the road?

If I knew of someone who was doing so on a regular basis I would have absolutely zero reservations about reporting it to the proper authorities.

zjw

It has taken me YEARS to figure out what "normal" is when it comes to a proper family environment etc....

yeah and back when your a kid you just assume all this is normal. and if its not normal there is nothing ou can do about it anyhow.

I sometimes wonder tho like "WHAT WHERE THEY THINKING!!!" How does one punch a child in the face and feel that it was justified and ok? I couldnt sleep at night etc...

How do others sit by and watch all this go on and do nothing? I guess they all had no clue of just how bad it really was? I dunno. I guess you dont always wanna stick your nose in other peoples business either.

I new a kid it was written all over his face and his actions and such that things where not good at home. I new they where not but I had nothing concrete to go on so its not like I could say anything. I new the kid was hurting but my hands where tied.

zjw

thanks scott!! good post. Its so stinking sad.

When i started this thread I thought how the heck do you raise awareness to this issue. Sure you wanna drive alone drunk? ok that is one thing. You wanna take another adult along for your insanity ride? ok but you wanna stuff a couple of kids in the car too? Really?


I think the worst I ever did was drive after having 1 or 2 beers when i had kids. Not that thats cool but I had 1 or 2 waited an hour or 2 then drove. Otherwise I had someone else drive even when i felt i could handle it i'd let someone else drive.

The other thing too is its not normal its not ok!. I can totally see how someone would think its fine its totally ok etc.. I've done other things that i saw as totally find and normal and ok but when someone pointed it out to me i was like OH man your right that was really really stupid!

Wholesome

Yeah if CPS ever knew some of the insanity going on in my house when I was growing up we would have been taken away for sure, it wasn't physical abuse but it wasn't right. Being a parent today I wonder what the hell my parents were thinking, I know that they had other circumstances driving their decisions but still.

I can honestly say that of all the lousy things I've done driving my kids drunk was not one of them. But I live in the city, if I lived in the suburbs or country who knows?

Sorry you had an abusive bully for a step dad zjw. F him!

MovingForward1

I've been guilty of this, never again. And yes, considered it ok, made every excuse in the book to convince myself it wasn't that bad, or not that far, or whatever. Awful.

imjules

Thanks zjw. It was me who posted about driving with the kids in the car. And the reason I posted and asked for advice is exactly what you are describing here- I was feeling myself with a new normal having an alcoholic around and I needed some sound advice. This incident isn't the first time I've received sound advice from this forum and I am very grateful. I did call cps. I don't know if anything came from it, but I did do the right thing to advocate for the children who are not old enough to do so for themselves. I wish someone was around to have done that for you when you were young too.