Luna1231

Hey guys,

It has been 3 weeks since my last drink. I have gotten drunk once in the last three months.(Had a relapse 3 weeks ago)

I feel happy with myself, sort of. I am passing my GED tomorrow and then will be applying to college. It just feels like everything is falling into place. Don' t feel the need to get drunk in order to have fun or be happy anymore.

Except that voice in my head telling me i'm not good enough. That voice that reminds me of all the shame and guilt I have towards the years i was drinking(18-23). I hate how I have a good memory and just keep thinking about all the bad things I did while I was drinking. How i just didnt care about anything I did. I am not the person I was during those years. That person is foreign to me.

How do you guys stop the memories from invading your mind? How do you let go?

Its just time for me to move on...

Thank you for all your support here on SR. It has helped me alot throughout my recovery.

least

Forgive yourself for your mistakes in the past, just as you would forgive a good friend.

Congrats on 3 weeks sober!

Dropsie

Least is spot on.

You need to find some way of forgiving yourself and shutting your Inner Critic down.

When I listen to my Inner Critic, I realise that I would not speak that way to anyone, not even someone I thought I hated.

SoberinSyracuse

I think you're expecting too much for three weeks.

The key is to replace and overwhelm your "sins of the past" so to speak with "virtues of the present and future." Keep working forward on the GED and other goals and in time you will be more future-oriented and less concerned about the past. Right now, your past memories are stronger than the present because you still have more building to do.

Three weeks isn't long enough to make peace. Give it longer (how long depends on the person) and eventually you won't forget but it will be like, "Meh. That was then. This is now."

ScottFromWI

Congrats on 3 weeks and your upcoming GED, that's s big achievement!

I think what's key in sobriety once you've gotten over the physical withdrawals is realizing that it's a process or a lifestyle. Quitting drinking is only the beginning of the process , and the real work begins in figuring out all the other issues in our life that we hid from in a bottle. For me it was anxiety, and i'm still working several years into my sobriety figuring out how to manage and live my life with it.

That's why everyone talks so much about having a "plan". What the plan is will very from person to person, but it can involve thigns like Meetings, (AA/NA/ect ), counseling, therapy, rehab, exercise, meditation, mindfulness, the list is pretty much endless. But having a plan of some kind is key...because those tools teach you how to live your life and face the issues rather than hiding from them. In your current specific case, you are dealing with thoughts of the past/shame/guilt - so you need to work on that. Talking about it here is a great start, so you have already begun work on that whether you realize it or not!

Soberwolf

You are more than good enough you have my word on that

Dee74

The more I lived right the less I focused on the past.

Living right means exactly that - whatever that means for you - looking at yourself in the mirror before bed, not being ashamed and knowing you did your best today.

It's a process not an event - it's gonna take some time and effort - but if you make that your default I guarantee you'll start to consider yourself and the world around you in a new light, Luna

D

Hawkeye13

This is what I did too.
Over time, the shame and self-loathing began to fade and be
replaced with peace, and a growing sense of accomplishment.

Remember, recovery is more than just not drinking anymore.
It is actively working to grow as a human being and to connect with
and help others in need.
Alcoholism, and my recovery from it, really has taught me empathy and compassion.
In that sense, it was almost worth it.

Congrats on your sobriety, finishing your GED, and future college plans.
You sound so much better than before--great job Luna

Ken33xx

When I was 23 I still thought I could get it together. I never thought to stop drinking even though all the signs of a drinking problem were present. I drank up until the age of 35.

I sometimes think of how different life might have turned out had I gotten sober in my early 20`s. On the other hand having gotten sober later on I`m under no illusions I can drink responsibly.

The bad times I had with drinking outweigh the good. In fact there were never many good times. I was never good at social drinking. What I share with members who are in their early 20`s is the problems I experienced at that age never went away. They continued until the day I became sick and tired of being sick and tired. Drinking just stopped working for me which is often difficult to see for those who have never experienced it.

Obladi

I posted this on last weekend's thread; it makes sense to me many years after I first learned the lesson:

I once had a boss who would said, "Guilt is useless." Having been raised Catholic, this gave me quite a pause... and I realized she was right! Guilt is self-centered and does nothing to make anything better. It's remorse pointed inward. Shame is it's secretive cousin - also a goodfernuthin sunofagun.

No offense to anyone who is feeling guilt right now; I just wish that anyone feeling that way could be relieved of that burden. It's too heavy a load for anyone to bear.

There is an art to letting things go. I don't know that I can explain it, but it's the opposite of resistance. Like taking a deep breath and just... exhaling.

Luna1231

I am getting better each day and learning a lot about myself. Thank you all for the great support and advice.

Shame and guilt aren't going to better my life and I am getting better at blocking the negative emotions and focusing on the good. It's a slow progress but getting there slowly but surely

Btw I passed my GED

Dee74

congratulations

D