Obladi

I agree with the guys on this one.

Actually, I think you should skip the dinner until you've got some sober weekends on your scoreboard.

Glad to hear you're feeling good!
Let's have more of that.

HighDraw18

Dee, Scott, Obladi - I think you guys are right. These are good friends of mine so they wouldn't pressure me to drink BUT I can envision a scenario where I feel weird not drinking and decide to go ahead with it. Think I'll sit this one out. Thanks for the input.

On another note, it's Friday!!

Obladi

I get that excited about Fridays nowadays because it means I get to sleep on Saturday. Alcohol robbed so much of my sleep, it feels like I have years to make up for!

Any concerns about the weekend for you now that you've made the decision to skip drinks with the dudes?

HighDraw18

Obladi - no concerns. Quality, sober sleep is definitely awesome. I love waking up refreshed from sleeping properly instead of coming to after passing out and feeling horrible the entire next day!

scooterdog

Bro... You are only 26!
I started to understand life in my 30's... got even better in my 40's.
The best is yet to come!

Obladi

Checking in on you, HighDraw.
How was your day?

Thumpalumpacus

Good reading here, thanks, HD.

HighDraw18

Scooterdog - I know! That's my anxiety at its finest - I know there's plenty of time left!

Obladi - thanks for checking in. I'm doing well, had a nice weekend. How are you?

Thump - thanks for reading man! More to come.

Obladi

I'm good, thanks. Have to go to work and all, but you know that's how I keep myself in pizza and pepsi.

Glad to hear your weekend was nice.

HighDraw18

Slipped up Friday night. I don't think that I gave this quit enough respect. I never really had a plan, just wanted to not drink.

I feel more confident in saying that I can't drink ever again. For me to be successful I need to get comfortable with that. Drinking just isn't something that is an option for me.

I didn't want to come back and post this but I needed to get it off my chest.

More to come later.

Obladi

Good on you for posting, HD.

Do you think your absence from SR this week was warning that you were readying yourself for the slip? I can tell you for certain that this is a quite reliable sign for myself.

I'm just glad you came back. That's a much better than the alternative.

HighDraw18

Thanks Obladi. I do think that my absence played a role. I got busy at work and with other things and I believe that I started to convince myself I could drink normally.

Of course, I can't. I ended up blacking out and passing out at a friend's place. I'm tired of it. Some people say that they can't think about forever but because I am a binge drinker, I think I bed to embrace the idea of an alcohol free life.

sugarbear1

binge drinking has been added to the doctor's manual that defines illnesses. binge drinking can be harder on one's body than daily drinking.

I hope you can stay stopped!!!

HighDraw18

Yeah, it's no good. Thanks for the note Sugarbear!

HighDraw18

After reviewing my past week, I definitely can see how I was setting myself up for a relapse.

Some positive things had happened and I was feeling good. I started to think I could have a few drinks at dinner and call it a night. That was not the case.

I need to make peace with the fact that alcohol can't be a part of my life going forward. I worry that I won't have a social life and that it will be difficult to meet girls when I'm not drinking but I know that those are just excuses to keep me in this binge pattern. I'm really disappointed with myself but I low I can use this to be stronger this time.

HighDraw18

Morning everyone. I'm going to double down on posting here on SR. I got away from it last week and sure enough, it contributed to a relapse.

Theresa1234

Well done. Your week sounds like my pattern. Stop drinking for a week. Feel good. Convince myself I don't have a problem and can have just a couple of drinks. Get smashed. Stay in bed the next day. Vow to never drink again. Your posts are great. Stay here and stay positive

Hawkeye13

I relapsed exactly the way you did several times before I realized
I just can't moderate ever.

I was also a binge drinker, so you do get lulled by how "easy" it seems
to stay quit at first.

Glad you've realized it just won't work.
Now that I've gotten comfortable with idea of "never" I am very happy
I made the decision.
You can do it.

HighDraw18

Theresa - thanks for the encouragement. That is my pattern exactly.

Hawkeye - it is really easy to get complacent because of the binge pattern. I had gone nearly 20 days and I felt like I could drink moderately. At one point in my life I was drinking daily and I put a stop to that so it's very easy for my addiction to convince me I'm not an alcoholic.

The binges lately have been getting worse though and I know this. I black out and lose portions of my night, which terrifies me. My anxiety is through the roof wondering did I make a fool out of myself? Did I use drugs? Make an inappropriate phone call?

Tired of it...so tired.

ScottFromWI

Sorry to hear that HighDraw. Perhaps you could consider taking some more drastic measures if you truly are tired of this? Every bad thing that happens to you is a result of a choice you have made to use or drink. Maybe today you could make a choice to seek some real help? There's many, many options out there - counseling, meetings, seeing a doctor, rehab ( inpatient/outpatient ), self help, therapy, the list goes on. The solution is simple...albeit not easy - how about taking that step today and accepting your addiction for what it is...and making some calls to line up some help?