sleepie

Oh yes absolutely I was Silentrun- but the thing is there is an enormous disparity between my 2 scores, this jumbles my brain. Like when you take an IQ test, people generally score around the same level for non verbal skills (problem solving, critical thinking and such) and verbal ability (language etc.)

My verbal was great, my non verbal was abysmal. My brain's stirred. This is an IQ test though, I would never just diagnose based on an ACT or something.

It's typical for one with this disorder to test really high for years on standardized testing and I did, the disparity wasn't apparent until I was in highschool as that's when they did the IQ thing.

sleepie

Obladi I meant in life it won't be appreciated in general, like really embraced. I know a few here and there will appreciate it. But I really do think I should be paid for what I can do. I mean what if we had the kind of society where people were just paid to do what they do best, equally and fairly instead of trying to meet their basic needs and live a little by having to do what they must to just barely keep up... and in effect not living at all.

sleepie

I'm going to be quiet now so nothing is construed as a political agenda.

We were saying...

silentrun

I pretty much destroyed whatever I had going for me by drinking. I am working on rebuilding that now. Your last few posts reminded me of some poetry I read recently. I am going to figure it out and post who it was. You may have the mind of a poet Sleeps.

whopper

Miss. Sleepie, do you know that most of the population ain't really that smart. Most of the new gadgets and tech we get is developed by a few really smart ppl working in tech companies. Same goes with medicine. Majority of us ppl are not too bright. The world technology is driven by a few bright minds, most ppl are not Einstein. Heck it took us 100 yrs to prove that gravitional waves are real. Einstein had a theory about it, but we only proved it now, 100 yrs later. That is how smart we really are, or really are not too smart, hence 100 yrs behind.

silentrun

I am pretty sure it was Thoreau, maybe Emerson...see...I can't remember. You might like this

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JJL9S0J8-4k

sleepie

Hi Whopper I love that avatar. Now I'm hungry

Silentrun wow what a cool compliment... I am nuts! lol no really though, that is cool. Are you thinking of something you wrote or someone else?

sleepie

I enjoyed that Silentrun

Bethany57

sleepie.....I don't post much but I think you need to embrace the negatives in your life....yes, embrace it andtry to think of something good for each negative. You have a job..you have a place to lay your head..you have a boyfriend....be thankful. Yes, I know you have been dealt some bad cards in your life but we all have! I like you go off to work each day and my husband works at home. I am thankful he works at home....has a lot of perks. We save on his wardrobe..he can be home to let the dogs out...he can get dinner started. Yes, sometimes he complains he has a 7am phone call meeting and I say well I have a 7am phone call in town and need to get up at 5:30 am for it to be there in time! I joke at it and it puts it into perspective for him. We all were new at a job and it takes about 6 months to learn a job. You will get there. Starting a new job is VERY stressful let alone all the other things you have gone through. Hang in there...try not to let them take advantage of you. Give this job a year and I bet you will be one of the best ones there. Think of what that will do for your ego! You will be helping the new people and become very skilled at your job. I have been there ...I was in a dead end job and I was lowest on the totem pole. I bit the bullet and did the best I could (I made lots of mistakes and wanted to quit because I felt it was too much). I persevered...it wasn't easy. I ended up being very good at that job...took a few years...then I found another job and started the whole process again but this had much more opportunity. I wanted to quit after 3 weeks...was too hard...I was making mistakes. Now 10 years later...I love what I do. I am good at it. It takes time lots of time. I still have days where I don' t understand something.....and sometimes I get frustrated and do cry. But at the end of the day I am so thankful I have a job and can live a simple life with a roof over my head. It's about gratitude and attitude. Just my .02

zjw

I get to work from home and like someone else mentioned i got craped on and clawed my way to the position i'm in. That being said my gig at home isnt without is issues. people seem to think i can be daddie day care at times.... I have trouble focusing on my work even when there are no distractions its simply not as simple for me as it used to be. I have some crap bosses and people I have to interact with but thankfully i can hangup a phone and they disappear. Im constantly scared tht i'm gonna get fired because I know my performance isnt what it should be and I struggle to get stuff done for example I am struggling with a simple task now I mentioned it to a friend he said if thats your biggest problem you should be thankful. he was right.

But I also hear stories like yours and think wtf am i gonna do if i loose my job? jobs like mine are like near impossible to find and my skills are either really rusty or obsolete not to mention I want out of the field anyhow. But your story scares me how would I survive 8 hours in a situation like that? let alone 11 or 12 or more! I might be able to run 15 miles like nothing but put up with what you do and many others day in and day out I'm not sure i could and that scares me!!

and from my view your incredibly right the more you make the less you do and easier you job is. thats what i've seen time and time again. its sad that it works this way. sure there are many lower paying jobs that simply shouldnt make any more money but I had one friend he made a fraction of what i do and worked 12 hour days 7 days a week and had to pay all his own expenses for tools and too and from the job etc.. then had to work in some really crap conditions extreme heat extreme cold rain snow etc... i asked him wtf do you bother why not stock shelves at walmart or something!!

I dunno its just the way the world goes these days. I've had to not look for my happiness and security in my job. I'll never find it there. I had to look elsewhere.

Being into art like you are I'd imagine you need to be left alone to create and be allowed to just let it flow as it comes.

dont listen to me but if i where in your shoes i'd be doing a lot of doodling at that job lol.

zjw

Just to add the one thing for me tho in the past since getting intot he field i'm in now i've had to go back to working retail and such when i was out of work. It didnt bother me much. i didnt take people and there BS seriously. I almost coped with it better. and even the stupid expectations from the boss didnt bug me. But I did have a situation where the owner got a bit arrogant with me i promptly walked off the job. I'm not gonna be treated as "less then" for 7 bucks an hour. I'm no ones B****. I realize that attitude can get one in trouble but seriously i'm not gonna be a friggen doormat. You allow that once and they just do it again.

My current boss years ago on more then one occaision poked fun at me for my weight and size at the time it kinda went over my head. I've since realized what he was doing. and belive me now i'm just waiting.... I sit there thinking go ahead say something .... in a conf call one day he basicly told another guy he was stupid I almost stepped up tot defend the guy but thought na this aint my battle. But iw as like man god help this guy if he runs his mouth to me in such a fashion I wont tolerate it.

sleepie

I'm thinking about staying somewhere else for a few days. It's too rage inducing to have to go to a job that breaks me down every day while bf gets to take it easy at home.

silentrun

This has nothing to do with him. You are probably experiencing some recovery anxiety or something. The last thing you need is to cause more problems. Vent here instead.

sleepie

I really can't come home to someone who is completely unsympathetic and invalidates everything I say. I mean I get plenty of that at work. I'll be much happier elsewhere. It's getting so I hate coming home.

I knew this was going to cause problems. You can't have one person having to get up, shower, scarf down food and dash off to work while the other just takes it easy and can't even be bothered to shower for days.

Ain't gonna work.

silentrun

My husband is not much for that either. It's up to you what is a deal breaker and what you can tolerate. No sudden moves in early recovery though. You are under tremendous stress right now.

SoberLeigh

I agree with silentrun, sleepie; it's not a good idea to make any major decisions in early sobriety. Try to let the stress of a new job wear off, recover fully from your own chest cold and get a little further along in sobriety before considering any major change.

Coldfusion

Sleepie, I have found it hard to offer advice and hope here. Maybe the best I can do is share my experience.

I worked from home for a short while, and it was horrifying. I was doing phone customer service for an electronic device, and I was completely lost. I gave a buyer from Amazon seriously incorrect information. I am probably lucky the company didn't sue me for slander.

At 51 years old, I started a new career in hotel housekeeping. At first, it was the only job available. To be honest, I am not very meticulous and for a long time it was a challenge. Then when I was finally getting the hang of it, I came to work one day and was told that my manager no longer worked for the company and I was the new manager. I still spend most of my day scrubbing toilets, but also now have a host of added responsibilities. I do not speak Spanish and my co-workers do not speak English, so this job is a constant struggle.

My wife struggled as a convenience store clerk for a couple years after we quit drinking. Physically, she was severely and painfully challenged by the job. She is a night owl, but was assigned the opening shift. Now she has a really cushy desk job with good pay and lots of benefits, because someone noticed her at the convenience store.

We would not have jobs, and certainly would not be still living together (possibly be dead) if we were still drinking.

zjw

i'd try not to resent him for his sitution in comparison to yours. I knwo thats hard. i look around in my situaton like yest i heard my son luaghing and playing video games while i sat here at this **** job i hate very miserable. it was an assholish thing to think but i thought wtf should he have any fun while i sit here miserable at this job. I was basicly resenting him. I dont typically have this issue myself much but at times i can think hey this isnt fair my wife doesnt have to work and i do at a job i hate too! this is crap i want help i want someone to chip in and help me etc.. and shes off getting coffee rarararara. I at times will think that but i stop myself because i know those are not healthy thoughts to have and that kinda thinking just breeds more toxic stuff. and shes doing tons of other things to try and make life easier.

life just is what it is sometimes.

thats about all the positive i got tho for now. I"m having a hell of a day myself here as well.

ScottFromWI

It's possible that you may need to move on. You've had this same issue with him many times in the past ( his lack of motivation/action ) - you need to decide if it's just that you are in a "down" time now and everything seems worse, or if you really need to consider moving on and moving out. Only you can answer that.

sleepie

Well at least I cleared the air about the kid who was irritating me at work. He is the local a-hole. Ok then. I can handle that as long as we're on the same page. He's gonna learn. You don't p*** off the receptionist. Go ahead and treat me like an underling. Your day's gonna get harder and there's nothing you can do about it.