Very discouraged.
Alive in the Superunknown
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: 30.47ºN, 98.15ºW
Posts: 1,460
Originally Posted by sleepie 
Sigh. Off to work again. This is starting to break me down. I actually considered a beer yesterday. If I have to work another 10 straight hours so someone else can have a sick day while I go to work with a chest cold for 2 weeks I really can't say what will happen. And precious bf never, ever has to live this way and he'll be cozy in bed while I am at work. As usual. 1/2 the people I know work from home. Must be nice. Not that he's working anyway.
I come home depressed and anxious, every day, too exhausted to do anything. I can count on 1 hand how many times I have seen my friends in a month- One. One single time and I was too exhausted to even enjoy it. I missed out on everything, they were all
out to celebrate someone's birthday last night- not me. I have to work all weekend every weekend, and it looks like extra long shifts and doubles are the norm lately.
This isn't living. This isn't worth being sober for. This is not living.
My stomach is nauseous and I almost cried when I woke up today. This definitely feels worse than any hang over.
I come home depressed and anxious, every day, too exhausted to do anything. I can count on 1 hand how many times I have seen my friends in a month- One. One single time and I was too exhausted to even enjoy it. I missed out on everything, they were all
out to celebrate someone's birthday last night- not me. I have to work all weekend every weekend, and it looks like extra long shifts and doubles are the norm lately.
This isn't living. This isn't worth being sober for. This is not living.
My stomach is nauseous and I almost cried when I woke up today. This definitely feels worse than any hang over.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,417
Sounds like your AV is stirring sleepie--follow the drink out.
Will you really be "better off" if you give in?
Your AV wants you to think so, but it isn't true.
Seems to me you'll be going backwards.
I understand it's really hard but you've come so far.
The first year of sobriety can be really rough at times
but it does get better.
Really.
Will you really be "better off" if you give in?
Your AV wants you to think so, but it isn't true.
Seems to me you'll be going backwards.
I understand it's really hard but you've come so far.
The first year of sobriety can be really rough at times
but it does get better.
Really.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
Going through some of my notes and figured i'd post up a few quotes that I think might help you sleepie.
The Deaf person strains to hear, while the hearing person craves silence. Each one wants what they dont have. Find what you want in what you hve and happiness will be assured. -little zen book
Be the observer of your life rather then the pushy director. -Wayne Dyer.
Money, Fame, and fortune may further us in our time here, but what of it will remain at the end of our days? Find what will remian --little zen book.
Life is full of changes -- what we have today may not be what we have tommorrow. live each moment in gratitude for all that is. -little zen book
What can we really control except our ability to ive upt he need to control? -little zen book
Live life with an open heart. Erase judgement from your thoughts, live with compassion, and practice understanding. keep in mind that everyne is doing the best they possibly can and realize that if they knew better, they'd do better-- therefore, be gentle. Now, practice this same gentleness with yourself. know that you're doing the best you can in every situation and honor yourself with compassion. This simple thought will help you be less critical and more appreciateive of all that is. --little zen book.
When we accept people exactly as they are, we have true peace, it doesnt matter what happens to us, but rather what we become in the process. It's not the things in our life that need to change, its us. --little zen book.
I wonder why it isnt all right to be who we are. When will we stop trying to live up to the expectations of those around us and just do well in the things we excel at? --little zen book.
Better to stop pouring before thebrim of the cup, for it is esier to hold an unfilled cup then a cup that is overflowing-- zen and tao book
The appreciation of life does not require wealth or plenty. it requires only gratitude for the beauty of the world. ==365 tao
Give up trying to persuade anyone else of the correctness of your vision-- when they're ready, there own teachers will surely appear. --Wayne Dyer
I hope some of this helps. I know a lot of it has helped me kinda put things into perspective.
hang in there.
The Deaf person strains to hear, while the hearing person craves silence. Each one wants what they dont have. Find what you want in what you hve and happiness will be assured. -little zen book
Be the observer of your life rather then the pushy director. -Wayne Dyer.
Money, Fame, and fortune may further us in our time here, but what of it will remain at the end of our days? Find what will remian --little zen book.
Life is full of changes -- what we have today may not be what we have tommorrow. live each moment in gratitude for all that is. -little zen book
What can we really control except our ability to ive upt he need to control? -little zen book
Live life with an open heart. Erase judgement from your thoughts, live with compassion, and practice understanding. keep in mind that everyne is doing the best they possibly can and realize that if they knew better, they'd do better-- therefore, be gentle. Now, practice this same gentleness with yourself. know that you're doing the best you can in every situation and honor yourself with compassion. This simple thought will help you be less critical and more appreciateive of all that is. --little zen book.
When we accept people exactly as they are, we have true peace, it doesnt matter what happens to us, but rather what we become in the process. It's not the things in our life that need to change, its us. --little zen book.
I wonder why it isnt all right to be who we are. When will we stop trying to live up to the expectations of those around us and just do well in the things we excel at? --little zen book.
Better to stop pouring before thebrim of the cup, for it is esier to hold an unfilled cup then a cup that is overflowing-- zen and tao book
The appreciation of life does not require wealth or plenty. it requires only gratitude for the beauty of the world. ==365 tao
Give up trying to persuade anyone else of the correctness of your vision-- when they're ready, there own teachers will surely appear. --Wayne Dyer
I hope some of this helps. I know a lot of it has helped me kinda put things into perspective.
hang in there.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
I was thinking all day what to say to all this and sorry guys I got nothin'. I mean I am just feeling totally washed out and done. I can't force positivity and don't believe in it anyway. I mean it's fine for anyone who wants to but it ain't me and that's ok. I don't want to go into why, I have before and don't want to again right now.
So anyway just trudging on.
So anyway just trudging on.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,417
I wasn't talking about positivity sleeps--
I was referring about AV your voice "talking" about having a beer.
That is often a mental strategy to "justify" a relapse and that is something I did too
and it needs to be stopped in its tracks.
You've seen it plenty yourself on this list so I know you know what I'm talking about.
You aren't yet six months in kicking a difficult cross-addiction which
you did a great job beating but it wasn't easy and still isn't.
You don't know how sobriety will "fit or feel" with any certainty long-term yet
since you are on the first year rollar coaster which is admittedly hard.
Trudging works fine--it's pretty much my only mode at the moment.
We have to help each other be vigilant and that's what I'm trying to do here.
Not be critical or undermine you, but be honest and supportive of what I see
in your posts.
Please reread your first one on this thread objectively and I think you will see AV all over it too.
I was referring about AV your voice "talking" about having a beer.
That is often a mental strategy to "justify" a relapse and that is something I did too
and it needs to be stopped in its tracks.
You've seen it plenty yourself on this list so I know you know what I'm talking about.
You aren't yet six months in kicking a difficult cross-addiction which
you did a great job beating but it wasn't easy and still isn't.
You don't know how sobriety will "fit or feel" with any certainty long-term yet
since you are on the first year rollar coaster which is admittedly hard.
Trudging works fine--it's pretty much my only mode at the moment.
We have to help each other be vigilant and that's what I'm trying to do here.
Not be critical or undermine you, but be honest and supportive of what I see
in your posts.
Please reread your first one on this thread objectively and I think you will see AV all over it too.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
i woke up this morning and thought ugg not another day maybe i just wont log into work. not call in or nothing just wont go. maybe i just wont go back ever i thought and if they call i wont answer who cares i'd be curuious how long the paychecks kept coming too. then i can go do what it is that I wanna do today instead of deal with this crap job. Maybe i'll try being destitute for a while it'll be something different a change of scenery etc..
Then I thought about my kids and wife and thought *sigh* i guess i gotta get up.
so we all have our days and moments etc.. it passes thankfully.
Then I thought about my kids and wife and thought *sigh* i guess i gotta get up.
so we all have our days and moments etc.. it passes thankfully.
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
I fully support trudging.
Sometimes that's all we can do, and I personally believe that it is a small victory just to do that. To get out bed, put some semblance of presentable on, survive the workday of inanities and make your way back home again. Sure, it might suck, but it beats drinking the week away and the crap feelings that accompany and follow that.
I've thought about RobbyRobot from time to time over the past month and remember that he brought tears to my eyes in response to my agonizing that I didn't want sobriety enough. I still don't, you know, not in that evangelical way I perceive from others.
Anyhow, Robby's response to that was something along the lines of "Forget want. Just do what's right and have patience for the rest."
So feel what you feel, sleepie. You have a right. I've read that 3-6 months in sobriety is a really rough patch and that we've got to stick it out a year to see what's what. I'm counting on you to get through the crap (and once you do maybe you can send me a map).
Sometimes that's all we can do, and I personally believe that it is a small victory just to do that. To get out bed, put some semblance of presentable on, survive the workday of inanities and make your way back home again. Sure, it might suck, but it beats drinking the week away and the crap feelings that accompany and follow that.
I've thought about RobbyRobot from time to time over the past month and remember that he brought tears to my eyes in response to my agonizing that I didn't want sobriety enough. I still don't, you know, not in that evangelical way I perceive from others.
Anyhow, Robby's response to that was something along the lines of "Forget want. Just do what's right and have patience for the rest."
So feel what you feel, sleepie. You have a right. I've read that 3-6 months in sobriety is a really rough patch and that we've got to stick it out a year to see what's what. I'm counting on you to get through the crap (and once you do maybe you can send me a map).
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 319
Originally Posted by sleepie
i don't have a problem with age and never fought my gray hair, which I got way early so it's not like parting with youth is a thing for me, besides which I was never attractive anyway and people had no problem reminding me my whole life either. It's actually looking worse in sobriety than I did while drinking. And no, I wasn't "so drunk or hungover" that I didn't notice. That's pure rubbish. People are telling me I look gaunt and other things that mean "aged".
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Illinois
Posts: 1,343
Originally Posted by sleepie
As far as the above query regarding bouncing back any gals in their 40's or more I'd love to hear it. Especially if you lost significant weight like I did.
I hope you're feeling better today.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
another major complaint i have about loosing weight is being cold. i'm cold all the friggen time now. back when i had 100+ extra lbs of insulation that was not a problem. also being able to use your weight to help you move things or lift things etc.. also helped now i toss a bag of trash over my shoulder and i'm liable to fall down.
I guess these are good problems to have.
I guess these are good problems to have.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: Wcoast US
Posts: 106
Sleepie,
Please don’t write to management. I don’t see that helping at all. Really, think more about that later when you’re not so upset. You won’t word it right in your state of mind and you may change your mind about it when you feel better, which I hope is soon and minus drinking of any sort.
Kudos on all you’ve accomplished, which is a lot, and Yay for all of the friends you have made here.
Ferv
Formerly known as Xcess
Please don’t write to management. I don’t see that helping at all. Really, think more about that later when you’re not so upset. You won’t word it right in your state of mind and you may change your mind about it when you feel better, which I hope is soon and minus drinking of any sort.
Kudos on all you’ve accomplished, which is a lot, and Yay for all of the friends you have made here.
Ferv
Formerly known as Xcess
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