trachemys

Have you tried laughing? Laughing at what life has dealt you?

Sometimes crying works. Sometimes laughing works.

I often laugh at what life hands me. There's no choice. "Here, you get this now!" I laugh.

sleepie, laugh at it.

zjw

i lost well over 100lbs. and not gonna lie your wrinkles come out with weight loss and yeah you look older. i felt i had a baby face when i was heavy not anymore. and the stretch marks? forget it i got plenty!! and the saggy skin etc...

But i've done a world of good for my body. each day i get a bit better etc.. rather then getting a bit worse.

I try not to focus on that stuff myself the wrinkles and the stretch marks etc..

I think thats the biggest mistake we all make is loosing weight for appearances sake. because its like your never gonna look perfect so if thats all your after you'll never be satisfied you'll never win the game etc... It has to be about doing your body good the rest will just fall into place as it may and just accept it as that.

I do ok tolerating it in my case i shrug off the stretch marks grays wrinkles etc.. But i guess if i had to complain i'd complain about the bag of fat i just cant seem to loose off my stomach one would think with my diet and exercise there'd be no fat one me yeah forget it some spots are just so stubborn! I now understand why people get lyposuction and stuff lol.

leviathan

Sleepie, I've followed your story and am amazed and inspired by what you have accomplished. You have been through a monumental amount of stress. And it sounds like your employment is leaving you with nothing but fatigue. Hardly a recipe for looking your best.

What you probably need is time to rest and be yourself. Not an easy thing when finances are tight. Do you have any down-time? Or is it just work/sleep/work?

Man, I feel for ya...

Dropsie

You breaking my heart.

I luvs you and have no idea what to say to make you feel better.

If I was talented like you I would draw you a great picture, but I aint so I just send you lots of love. And hope.

You have done so much.

I hope it doesn't sound trite, but I read something today that I liked an has been true for me in my life.

Not sure how to put it in practice to change anything, but sure would be nice.

“If you are depressed you are living in the past. If you are anxious you are living in the future. If you are at peace you are living in the present.” Lao Tzu

You have helped so many people here stay sober and feel better about themselves. I not usually pray, but now I be praying you can do the same for yourself, maybe with a little help from us.

You are a rock star.

Obladi

1. Not all antidepressants are benzos and they all behave differently depending on individual brain chemistry. You know this.
2. Whoever told you that you looked "gaunt" was being insensitive at best. They need a good sharp kick depending on who they are.
3. When you're home from work, I'll make you a grilled cheese on bonafide just-baked artisanal bread. You can have your choice of cheese depending on your mood.

xo

zjw

I dunno sleepie I think about it too and you've done a good job and made some huge changes for the better in your life. I cant help but figure good things are headed your way. you deserve it its almost bound to get better sooner or later.

you need a happy day. I hope you get one soon.

beeme

These thoughts are like a car that will pass. Don't get in the car, don't follow those thoughts.

It takes practice but it is worth it. Your thoughts about who you are are NOT who you are.

Hope you feel better soon.

trachemys

^^^What Dropsie said.
+100

sleepie

Hi guys
today was holy hell
I don't even feel human anymore today

Complaints. Yes I have them... I have to be cheery and smiley all day at work, to people who are mean and or rude to me about things I have nothing to do with. Sorry- but stop reading if you must. 'Cause it ain't pretty.

First off you guys really think I helped anyone here get or stay sober? That's way too kind of you. And I guess it looks like I accomplished something but I don't feel like it on days like today. And most days are getting to be days like today.

Sigh. Today was awful from the start because someone decided they were sick and called in an hour before they were to be at my work. Now this person's a teacher so that screwed us all and people had to cover for them as well as I got to answer to angry upper middle class parents all day long because this kid didn't show up- even though I'm the one who shows up to work. Then I learn I'm needed to do a double shift because yet another person is sick. WELL so am I folks, with the chest cold that won't die. And last week when I literally thought I was going to die because I was so ill? Yeah I did an 11 hour shift straight, no breaks, because I don't get breaks and have to eat at my desk while answering to the public among other things. So I didn't feel too sorry for little Miss Sniffles who was "sick"... DAYQUIL AND WORK, that's what adults who pay their bills do.

And so today was another 10 hour day no breaks.

SO it's bad enough I feel like crap, have been sick for a week and a half, have been doing extra hours and working on my so called days off (oh yeah while I was out yesterday having my rescheduled b-day lunch 'cause I knew I'd be too exhausted to enjoy it after work on my actual bday? I got a phone call to let me know I was supposed to be at work. On my day off. So that was fun. I rushed off to work- again.)

THEN one of the teachers starts making snide comments about "the new girl"(not me another one, but he was doing this for my benefit). So now, ME, the person who covers everyone's ass because they won't work- has to listen to this garbage.

On top of all that? I'm taking flak from the teachers simply because I am there, and the office staff who made the mistakes they are complaining about are not there- oh and they are actually complaining about management, not that they'd ever have the balls to say it to their face but ol' sleepie? Sure, let it fly 'cause what can sleepie do? Nothing that's what. She's new and just a low rung.

Well enjoy it because I am writing to management about the snide comments. Again, I'm the one who shows up to work and covers those who won't. WHILE I'M SICK.

And then? At the end of my day when I'm finally seeing light at the end of the tunnel? I get a text from someone who's dog I was scheduled to walk- the only thing I have looked forward to for a solid 3 weeks at least. Yeah when they dropped it on me that I was working a double- I forgot about the poor dog and so he was alone all day and probably pooped in the house. At that point I almost broke down and cried at work because I really thought I'd f*** up less in life after getting sober.

But that's not the case.

zjw

You need to call in sick yourself! And I hope you can find a job with less bs I always say I wanna bag groceries or be the Walmart greeter I got o patience for people's crap at the job myself too.

Sounds to me like your doing to much is there any way you can put your foot down? Like say hey sorry I can't do a double or sorry I'm sick I need a day off etc...

whopper

Maybe look at getting a doctor's note next time saying your sick to clear you since you are new? It is funny how your co-workers are sick on a Saturday. If this job is too much for you at this point then maybe look for another job.

Anyway good luck. I know the working world isn't fair. I have had may fair share of issues.

sleepie

Oh one was definitely hung over. The other is also new. I guess I entertain the idea that somewhere out there, is a possibility of something, some little thing, good happening as a result of my dedication.

I mean I can hope, I know it's foolish.

whopper

Just do the job and try not to get too attached. Your co-workers don't seem to be too dedicated by their absenteeism. The thing is these days when the firm doesn't need you anymore they don't hesitate to give you a layoff and then where does all that loyal dedication go? So just do the job to your best ability and that is all. Sometimes ppl do all this dedicated work and then they firm gets rid of them all of a sudden and it is a big surprise to them. You never know what the firm really thinks, truth.

sleepie

Thanks Drops.

Obladi you know what I like best? Plain old American cheese, the bright orange kind by Land O Lakes and made with Kerrygold's butter! Nothin' fancy! The gooier the better.

Whoever said I need time to relax and be myself, that's exactly it. I need just that.

sleepie

Oh I wasn't saying antidepressants are benzos. The are not. However, anti depressants are SSRI's- which have and will aggravate the tic disorder I live with. And the way those are handled- are with benzos. I have also discussed it with a psychiatrist and that's the situation. Hang around those guys long enough and they'll pill you. He was convinced I have add, or adhd or whatever and wanted to give me a blood pressure pill for it.

Obladi

Hmmmm. I never heard of blood pressure pills for ADD.
I respect your choice to avoid medication and am happy to treat you with grilled cheese anytime. We've got Velveeta in the house for the first time ever and it makes wonderfully gooey sandwiches. Tried that?

Hope today is better for you. <3

sleepie

Sigh. Off to work again. This is starting to break me down. I actually considered a beer yesterday. If I have to work another 10 straight hours so someone else can have a sick day while I go to work with a chest cold for 2 weeks I really can't say what will happen. And precious bf never, ever has to live this way and he'll be cozy in bed while I am at work. As usual. 1/2 the people I know work from home. Must be nice. Not that he's working anyway.

I come home depressed and anxious, every day, too exhausted to do anything. I can count on 1 hand how many times I have seen my friends in a month- One. One single time and I was too exhausted to even enjoy it. I missed out on everything, they were all
out to celebrate someone's birthday last night- not me. I have to work all weekend every weekend, and it looks like extra long shifts and doubles are the norm lately.

This isn't living. This isn't worth being sober for. This is not living.

My stomach is nauseous and I almost cried when I woke up today. This definitely feels worse than any hang over.

Soberwolf

I'm sorry Sleepie if you ever want to chat pm havnt spoken in a while & I always like our conversations & what you have to say

Wishing you the best day possible xx

zjw

i felt exactly that way for a long friggen time when i sobered up. i figured i was damned if i do damned if i dont. I just kept moving forward why? no friggen idea! other then going back seemed worse tho going forward seemed pretty bleek too.

but it got better took a friggen while but it did.

zjw

"this isnt living" i never really understood that statement untill maybe a year or 2 ago. and I think its because up till htat point i had never expierenced what a life worht living was like. Not in the fullness sense of that saying.

and you know at the end of the day "a life worth living" is awesome and more important then any crap job or anything else etc..

I know at times i've pondered just walking off my job cause i'm like ya know what? i dont need this I can happily eat lima beans. But In my case i got a wife and kids so I gotta be careful lol.

If you know what a life worth living truely is be thankful you do if you dont I agree you need to haul butt and get yours into a place where its good again why? because lifes too damn short to be pissed off and miserable over crap jobs and such like this.