picturebigger

i'm in a real bad spot right now. no not at all suicidal. not an ounce of that on the mind. ever. i just really need to talk to a fellow alcoholic who can relate right now. i have an absolutely awful addiction to alcohol but i don't have anyone to talk to about it. i cry alone about it, just so much on my mind, i'm scared to death about it, i keep it all inside from the wife and kid, i have no AA sponsor yet, so nobody to call. who can i call right now? all these hotline numbers seem to be just rehab helplines that can help me find a clinic. i don't need a clinic at 11:30pm EST on a Wednesday night. i have a job to do (drunk again) tomorrow. all i need is a good conversation with another alcoholic who's been there. can someone please help me find a number to reach someone who can relate to this? i just need to explain to somebody, anybody, verbally, how much i'm drinking, how much it's scaring me, how much it's affecting my life, and really just listen to me get it off my chest and "cry" on a shoulder for a minute or two? i'm perfectly coherent, intelligent, not out of my mind, i just really want to talk to a recovering alcoholic right now because no such thing exists in my personal world. i have not one friend or family to call that will even remotely understand.

INgal

I'm sorry you're going through this, picturebigger. There are AA hotlines but you need to put in your state first. Please go to aa.org and check it out. Hang in there-you can do this.

Rcvringaddict30

Hi there,
I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through this right now and feeling so alone. Are you drinking right now?
You have come to the right place for support. I am newly sober, so I don't necessarily have the wisdom and good advice too offer that others on here have, but I can see that you recognize you have a problem. That is a huge step. Have you thought about what your plan for getting away from drinking might be? You definitely need support from others, and this site is a great place to start.
We are here to listen and support each other.

picturebigger

hi rcvringaddcit30, thank you. you can definitely relate. i'm a newbie too. 0 days at this point but a few months ago i ended a 37 day success. this site was paramount in those days. i posted a thread back then and kept updating it. a timeline of sorts, you can probably pull it up from my profile. it's a pretty awesome article how it started, progressed, positive, then POOF i blew it. 37 days. such a dummy. so now i'm back.. round 2. final round quit for life coming real soon.

yeah today/tonight definitely drinking. i started around 10am and i feel just as sober as i felt when i woke up. few cups of coffee and its beer the rest of the day. awful. i don't get drunk for fun anymore. i get drunk because my liver tells me to medicate. late at night is the only time i become honest and open about it. so i posted this tonight because i just wanted to talk to someone verbally for some reason. i think it's just 1 of several things i'm about to do to "arm up" to get ready to call it quits again for good. i'm going back to the doctor in a few days to get them to scare me to death again, making announcements to family/friends to make it known i have this problem, etc. etc. maybe tomorrow i'll go to AA for the first time and meet someone who can relate. just something about tonight i really wanted to talk to someone. 31yrs old, i should be as healthy and strong as an Ox. alcohol.. makes me a bum. that last attempt to quit, 37 days, i was exercising my ass off, people were noticing, it's just insane how my alcoholic brain can't hardly remember how great i felt. so anyway.. i'm gearing up for round 2. just tonight i wanted to talk to someone verbally. maybe make a connection to keep in touch with. thank you INgal for the aa.org link, it didn't have anything in my county but the larger county next door has a 24hr line i'm going to call right now just to chat.

and thank you again rcvringaddict30, just typing all this back as a reply to you gave my brain a minute to check itself at the door. i'm better now. thank you both. keep in touch since you said you're a newbie too. congrats on every minute of newly sober you've made it too. 37 days felt incredible. i got cocky and tested the water. very.. VERY.. bad idea. next time i quit for life. one sip will ruin me. i love it too much. never ever again. 2 weeks or less, it all begins and ends one more time for me. i'll never go thru it again. sobriety felt fantastic. congrats again.

Dee74

Hey picturebigger

have you ever thought about joining a monthly group thread here?

why not check out the Class of February Support Thread?
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...art-2-a-8.html

there's always support there

D

MariahGayle

I know the feeling of hopelessness you are going through PB, but know you are not alone in this & glad you are looking to AA for some local support. You said you had 37 days at one point & you can do it again! Hope that you will get some rest, start again tomorrow & follow through contacting AA.

Soberwolf

glad you found us

Aurora7431

THIS is a good site but I also found a great site called tiredofthinkingaboutdrinking.com . You can sign up for an anonymous sober email pen pal or a 100 day sober challenge for free. You can write personal daily emails and talk about what you're going though with someone, how much you drinks and all that. I found it extremely positive and uplifting. It does not focus on 12 steps or anything. It was a good alternative as I don't have the luxury to take lots of time from work for Drs/counseling.

advbike

Nothing wrong with AA. For 75 years, one alcoholic talking to another. In person. It works.

Dee74

how's it going picturebigger?

D