bullmas

Finally made day 10 today, and I am in need for some kind of illusional mental strait jacket of some kind to completely shut down my negative though process at least temporarily ! For some reason its not the big problems in life that set me off , its all the multiple little nagging problematic combination of issues that arrange themselves into some kind of astrological retrograde force that is determine to flip that switch in my head that systematically convinces me that it is nothing that a beer won't fix mentality that has been grinding me all fricking day !

I know I will get thru this somehow , just maybe ranting will help
thanks SR cheers

fantail

I totally empathize with how the little things can lead to a post titled "I think I was born in the wrong universe"... Early sobriety is like 6 degrees of Kevin Bacon, except it's 6 degrees of EVERYTHING IS POINTLESS I SHOULD JUST GIVE UP NOW AGGGHHH.

(in my experience).

Step One, Can't find car keys, Step Two, Make even bigger mess of apartment looking for keys, Step Three, I've always been disorganized, Step Four, Successful people aren't disorganized!, Step Five, I'll never get it together enough to really make my career what I want it to be, Step Six, EVERYTHING IS POINTLESS I SHOULD JUST GIVE UP NOW AGGGHHH.

etc!

It does get easier. Hang in there.

least

That's just life. It happens whether we are sober or not. I find it so much easier to deal with stuff life throws at me when I'm sober.

Congrats on day 10. Keep going, it gets better.

Dee74

I just had to keep the line fixed at 'I will not drink'.

Over time my negative self talk got a lot better when I wasn't poisoning my brain...my problem solving and my coping with stress got a lot better too
Hang in there Bullmas

D

Thumpalumpacus

Make sure you give equal time to the good stuff. It's out there, it's just that sometimes we have to work past our own filters to see it.

Berrybean

We're just really 'raw ' in early sobriety. Our security blanket and crutches have both been swiped, and we're full of fear. Just don't pick up the first drink. Stay sober, and everything will look better soon.

Over time you will be able to learn new strategies for dealing with life (on life's terms) - recovery isn't about the world suddenly being peachy. It's about learning to accept when things go wrong and not take everything as a personal attack. For me, that meant AA and working the steps, and exploring mindfulness as well, which really helps me if washing-machine head strikes and I find myself making a tsunami out of a puddle.

The other thing AA helped me with is what you said about feeling like an alien (being born in the wrong universe). Most of the people in the rooms spoke about feeling 'different' or 'separate' or 'left out' for most of their lives - many of them before they ever picked up a drink - and the drink was what helped them access this alien life of ours and the aliens in it. It was the first time I'd met so many people who thought and felt like me. And they'd got better and found a way to be happy and calm, without booze.

There were some really great threads on here a while back on meditation and urge surfing which might be useful to you. It's worth a search.

Have you made a recovery plan yet? If not, it's probably a good idea to start thinking about it. Dee has some great advice on some of his threads about this.

Soberwolf

Fantastic job reaching double digits

zjw

what beccybean said!

yeah not everything is a personal attack.

In my case i'm a pretty negative person by nature. so my head can be a breed ground for negative thoughts etc...

I had to find something simple to be positive about each day in early sobriety. maybe it was that i took a shower or that the sun came out or that it rained. but whatever it was i'd latch on to it. each day when the onslaught of the days crap came my way i'd think about that 1 thing or i'd think well at least i'm sober *sigh* and i'd just keep moving forward.

In time all those little 1 things i just pulled out of my butt to occupy my mind with something positive kinda started to add up I started to find this ability to find the positive twist to situtations. If i couldnt find anythign positive at all abotu something i woudlnt allow my mind to focus on it if i could help it anyhow.

Fast forward to now being positive still isnt second nature to me it still takes effort for me and probably always will.

I dont think being negative or realistic is bad. I dont think being positive is bad either. But I think when the pendalum swings to far in one direction or another is when things can get kinda sketchy for someone.

Bird615

I used to be so negative that a girl at work gave me a book on how to be a positive person. I was furious and threw it out, but I laugh at it now. My outlook on life was Lucy's from Charlie Brown: "Everything is darkest before it gets black".

I've always leaned toward that frame of mind. My rationalization of it was that being negative was just being realistic.The negativity got worse and worse over the 10 year period I had stopped going to AA and I finally drank again.

AA (my Attitude Adjustment hour) which led to developing my spiritual beliefs helped me turn my thinking around. Learning to accept life on life's terms and to quit fighting everything and everyone around me.

No, everything isn't all rosy now, but I'm learning to choose my battles and accept what it is. Some things need to/can be changed or be taken care of and some things I have no control over. It's knowing the difference that helps and it took a lot of practice. When I don't do this, life is crap.

zjw

yeah thats for sure! sometimes its a struggle to remain positive and it annoys me but if i think about what it was like when i didnt even bother to try i'm like gee that was much worse.

Dropsie

Bullmas,

Sounds like you have a lot of great company in your other universe.

What a wonderful post and replies.

I really needed to read this today.

Thank you.

SoberCAH

Glad you are here, bull.

And thanks for sharing your feelings.

Early sobriety is fairly challenging.

Please stay with us and don't drink.

Dropsie

How is it in your universe Bull??

bullmas

Thanks Dropsie ! how did the name Dropsie evolve anyway ? Just curious , the Universe is infinite, however not to me , I would probably settle 4 being born a 100years ago, just to see what it would be like ..anywhere but Right here right now, .. the infinity to me is realizing any real dimensional change is impossible ( except REM dreaming sleep ) People suffering from a lifetime of depression like myself, often in a phrase "he is sleeping his life away"
Cheers