120 dats sober, and I blew it
 

I can't believe it. I go to AA, I have had a sponsor (don't call him as much anymore-personalities clashed) and last night I drank like the old times.

I have a hard time sitting straight, all shaking and my mouth is so dry.

Am I dying? Did I just kill myself?

Freaking out right now, and could use a friend to talk me off the cliff.

Thanks

You had 120 days, so you know you can. Don't let alcohol win!

You feel terrible right now (isn't alcohol a fun little poison?) in part because of the biochemical effects of alcohol...those feelings of failure are feelings, not facts, as they say.

Back on the horse!

P.S. Try to drink a lot of water and something with electrolytes if you can. Eat some protein...peanut butter on wheat toast is good. But if you really can't sit up straight, call 911 or have someone take you to the ER.

I hope you will work on getting sober again, this time for good. :)

Get right back to your plan to get and stay sober.

Good luck.

I have missed being here and sharing my success stories with all of you.

I know its the alcohol that is making me nervous and shaking, but have forgotten how long this lasts. In the Big Book they mentioned have a few beers in order to get back to feeling normal. Is that right? How can it be right? It flies in the face of what I'm have done, and will do again. I need help, I have to remember that.

I just feel so stupid, like I got tricked by myself. Does any of this make sense?

Thanks in advance.

Dust yourself down improve your recovery plan & back on the horse

Adding additional poison to a body already suffering and trying to metabolize existing poison? That doesn't sound like any kind of a good idea and will probably wake up your addiction for good.

Call your doctor?

Thank you so much, I know what to do (I was 120 days) I just need to start from the beginning again and not be so complacent about my disease.

Hi @ericwilson

That makes PERFECT sense.

I heard on Recovery Elevator that "Alcohol is a disease that lies to you in your own voice." I love that quote.

I drank after almost 3 years sober because of it and it took me around 4 years to stop again.

I try to remember Step 1 every time the thought of drinking comes up.

If you are still going to use AA perhaps find another sponsor?

CJ.

Step work relieves the obsession to drink, not meetings or a sponsor. Not certain what you're trying to quote in the book?? But I recall this part......

Chapter 3
More About Alcoholism

Most of us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.

We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed.

We alcoholics are men and women who have lost the ability to control our drinking. We know that no real alcoholic ever recovers control. All of us felt at times that we were regaining control, but such intervals - usually brief - were inevitably followed by still less control, which led in time to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. We are convinced to a man that alcoholics of our type are in the grip of a progressive illness. Over any considerable period we get worse, never better.

Glad you're back......

You hit the nail on the head there. You mentioned several things you "got away from" ( calling your sponsor, coming here, etc ). Alcoholism is never "cured"...it's always there lurking in the backrground, and as you found it comes right back like it never left if you give it a chance.

Coming here today was a great idea, and I hope you called your sponsor as well. It could have turned into something much bigger than one night so be thankful for that!

You can make this a one-off.

You can, really.

Just don't drink anything else except water and maybe a coke. Nothing, nada. No beers, please no beers.

You can do this.

Is it really day one again or Day 121 minus one. Whatever helps you not to drink anything more ever.

Learn from this, but don't let it define you.

I drank 3 drinks after 90 without and it took 3 whole days to get back to normal. It was the one and only time I did that during my recovery. Don't go thinking you have to start all over because you screwed up. If you don't know about PAWS check it out. 120 is one of those times when things can go haywire because the brain is healing itself.

Use this as a learning tool.

What could you have done better?

Different type of sponsorship? More meetings? Less free time? More free time? Different meetings? Asking for help?

Don't beat yourself up over it. Take stock of what went wrong and take actions to fix it this time around.

So you conducted extra research. I suggest getting back on the wagon immediately and going to AA. Learn from the experience and get a new sponsor.