LDT

No question I quit for my family FIRST..... I just couldn't take the look in my kids' eyes, any longer..... And when I heard my husband say " I just want my wife back", that was it for me... The kick in the pants I needed.

So it was for them initially, but I stayed sober for ME.... 3 years and 1 month yesterday

Hawkeye13

I quit for me because I was really getting physically sick
but also my family because I am main breadwinner and I
would have compromised my job if I had continued to drink.
Plus, my spouse was really getting tired of dealing with my
drunken antics. . .

All of those reasons were why, and quitting has been the smartest
decision I have made in my adult life.
Even with relapses and anhedonia, I've been pretty much sober
for years now, and I certainly like myself and my relationships much more this way.

stevepearce

I stopped drinking after my son was born. You could say it was for him. But really it was because I couldn't be that person anymore now he was in my life.

tomsteve

Did you get sober for anyone?

for my son.
lasted a couple days.

for his mother.
lasted a couple days.

for my fiance.
lasted a couple days.

for me.
10+ years thats been workin.

least

My initial reason for getting sober was so that I would take better care of my cats and dogs. After being sober for a while, I really liked my life a lot better so I'm staying sober both for me and for my critters.

Kallistia

I can agree with this - alone it's very easy to just think "oh who cares!" And do the bad thing

walkbeformakrun

I quit bc I loved my beautiful wife and was terribly afraid of losing her. Then she made me mad and so I drank again. Then I quit again when I forgave her and then she disappointed me again and.... well you get the idea.

When being sober really started to take hold in me it was bc I wanted it for myself. I got a taste of how it felt to be sober by doing it for her and then that lead to me wanting it for myself. Regardless of her.

Soberwolf

At first I was doing it for others & I kept failing why ? pretty simple really my heart wasn't in it I was proberly still in denial of sorts

It was only when I woke up & realised that the only person I had to do this for was me it wouldn't work otherwise

If your getting sober for someone else your not getting sober for you - that's not aimed at anyone but I know getting sober for ones self is pivitol

JeffreyAK

Another vote for "me". I cannot control relationships, and to me quitting for someone else leaves the door open to drink again - f'it, I quit drinking and the relationship still soured, or things didn't go as I hoped, might as well drink, etc. But whatever works, as long as it works.

SparkleKitty

It sounds like you did quit for you, because you wanted something for yourself you didn't think you could have while not-sober.

But I guess my question is, what would happen if this relationship ended? Would there then be nothing keeping you from going back to drinking? My instinct says no, but I only know you from reading your posts. I don't think my instinct is wrong, but I do think that is the question for contemplation here. JMO.

Dropsie

My initial motivation was heavily wrapped up in my children, but now its because I see how much alcohol was damaging my life, and how stupid drinking is - especially for us.

thisisme

No.
My sobriety is absolutely selfish.

GramParsons

Yup....for the loves of my life...my wife and daughter...they deserved better...me always grouchy or sleeping it off on the couch...God,I feel great now...

OldTomato

I'm getting sober for myself so I can have a better life. I regret all the unhappiness I caused people through my drinking - I had people covering for me, and not getting a lot in return and no one could rely on me - it's on the list of reasons why I need to stop drinking but ultimately I'm quitting for my own happiness.

Thumpalumpacus

I'm quitting for me. If it pleases anyone else, well, that's gravy.

ru12

I quit because I love my wife and kids too much to force them to live with a drunk. If I had to wait until I wanted to do it for me I'd still be drinking... or I'd be dead. I hated myself the last few years of active drinking and wasn't much interested in doing anything positive for me. This is just my experience.

sleepie

Wow guys so many responses! Thanks for sharing so much.

Thank you for the comments about probably marriage. We are both pretty set on this thing we have I mean it's nice you know? It's not some romantic sort of silly thing, we are both plenty old enough to make plans/decisions here based on our feelings for each other as well as pragmatics so there's one advantage to being older and making this choice.

As for going back to drinking if/when this ends (ouch guys. The lack of faith and assuming this will end...) Yes I understand why you'd ask that. But for one, it's not going to end. Secondly, no I can't return to drinking because I have kindling. But if you think I will anyway, as I said before there's no convincing you or anyone so I am not going to try.

But, do you not recall everything I went through to get off those benzos? I have zero desire for benzos now despite some pretty bad insomnia (getting a firmer pillow has helped a bit).

Forgive me if I am a little sensitive to this question about the ending of my relationship. It's the one good thing I ever got in life and I feel I am due one! And I am trying to enjoy it after all the drama, sweating and white knuckled anxiety attacks through last summer's benzo taper... I guess I'd just like to enjoy the fact that I actually did it for awhile. I mean I am now walking around freely without having to worry about "Did I bring my pills with me?" and counting the hours or minutes before withdrawal set in and that feels like a big deal to me.

I don't really know that I would have quit if not for this person. I had no reason to. I never meant anything to anyone. My habits were overlooked, accepted or not seen as a big deal by my acquaintances.

I have made real adjustments too because of this person, like thinking long term which I never did before- like what will life be like for us if we don't take care of ourselves- so straighten out the diet is next.

Hawkeye13

I'm really happy you have someone in your life sleepie

Love gives us strength and courage we didn't know we had, doesn't it?

Kallistia

I don't think your relationship is going to end - much faith in the both of you.

Do you guys have any plans yet, or a tentative date or giving it more time to start hammering out all of the details?

And I wish you both many bright, happy, and sober years together.

sleepie

BF has to find a job 1st, he had a good gig but the contract ended. After that, dunno. I'm kind of not in a rush and it will be very, very low key... I don't like big to do's.