When did you realise you might have a drinking problem?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Anchorage Alaska
Posts: 39
Originally Posted by biminiblue 
When I realized the buzz lasted for an hour, then the other 23 hours were spent either chasing that buzz, recovering from it, or just being miserable and wanting it all to end. The 3AM wakeups in terror, the fear or anger in every situation - the realization that I could either drink or have some kind of normal life, but I couldn't have both.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 88
When I started making excuses and hiding it.
There was a good long time where I was dating a woman and I'd never stay at her place because I knew I'd be restless and not sleep well. So I'd stick to my routine and go grab fast food on the way home, knock several back while watching a movie, eat the fast food once I was sure I had enough liquor in me to sleep for half the day, and then do just that.
I wouldn't let people in my room unless I had advance notice and had a chance to hide the empty handles of vodka. One time, towards the end of the relationship, when she was catching on but I was desperately hoping she'd move in and I'd have my excuse to quit for real, she asked at the end of the night if she could come stay and I sputtered and said "oh,uhm, the place is a mess" and she looked at me and I could tell she knew exactly what I meant.
I probably knew before this all, but before that it was just youthful fun. Before that it was just something I was trying on as an experience as a writer Before that it was just over-indulging after being vigorously abstinent of substances my whole youth. Before that it was just something I started doing daily out of heartbreak after a brief and intense romantic relationship (I remember thinking: I'm going get drunk every night this week to get over this . . . several hundred weeks later).
Before that I rarely drank, didn't like it when I couldn't play my guitar as well, didn't like it when I couldn't type as smoothly, didn't like that I couldn't be as witty. Then I started drinking regularly and got more adept at doing things under the influence, cared less when I wasn't.
There was a good long time where I was dating a woman and I'd never stay at her place because I knew I'd be restless and not sleep well. So I'd stick to my routine and go grab fast food on the way home, knock several back while watching a movie, eat the fast food once I was sure I had enough liquor in me to sleep for half the day, and then do just that.
I wouldn't let people in my room unless I had advance notice and had a chance to hide the empty handles of vodka. One time, towards the end of the relationship, when she was catching on but I was desperately hoping she'd move in and I'd have my excuse to quit for real, she asked at the end of the night if she could come stay and I sputtered and said "oh,uhm, the place is a mess" and she looked at me and I could tell she knew exactly what I meant.
I probably knew before this all, but before that it was just youthful fun. Before that it was just something I was trying on as an experience as a writer Before that it was just over-indulging after being vigorously abstinent of substances my whole youth. Before that it was just something I started doing daily out of heartbreak after a brief and intense romantic relationship (I remember thinking: I'm going get drunk every night this week to get over this . . . several hundred weeks later).
Before that I rarely drank, didn't like it when I couldn't play my guitar as well, didn't like it when I couldn't type as smoothly, didn't like that I couldn't be as witty. Then I started drinking regularly and got more adept at doing things under the influence, cared less when I wasn't.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 341
When I started sneaking alcohol to drink everywhere. With my family at the zoo, to the movies with friends who were all sober.
The time I actually drank a 30 pack in 24 hours and went out to get another, I knew I was in trouble.
The time I actually drank a 30 pack in 24 hours and went out to get another, I knew I was in trouble.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 44
Originally Posted by MelindaFlowers
This too. I hosted many movie nights and boardgame nights where the people I was with maybe had one drink or possibly two but I kept going to the kitchen to refill my drink and would have the same amount I would have if I were drinking alone which was upwards of 12. This is why I loved hard alcohol and 7-Up. You could have like four or five servings of alcohol in one glass and people couldn't really tell from looking at it. Maybe a half-dozen times over my drinking years somebody would take a sip of my drink and their face would look like they could just tasted gasoline. I could barely tell there was alcohol in it.
They were stone sober and I was completely drunk.
It's really interesting now because I can spot someone who's had more than two drinks from about 10 pieces. After those 12 drinks I must have looked insane. Or pathetic? Both?
They were stone sober and I was completely drunk.
It's really interesting now because I can spot someone who's had more than two drinks from about 10 pieces. After those 12 drinks I must have looked insane. Or pathetic? Both?
Alive in the Superunknown
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: 30.47ºN, 98.15ºW
Posts: 1,460
Originally Posted by hbk4894
was there a specific moment you started to feel like you had a problem?
Right around that time, I realized that my drinking was affecting the people in my life whom I loved.
I was still too weak to manage more than a few weeks before lapsing back into a five-year coma. It took the woman I loved to knock me about a little and make me see what it was I was breaking, bless her, so I began to take recovery -- as opposed to sobriety -- seriously. She invested a hell of a lot of emotion and dragged me to a place where I could see myself objectively. In the meantime, I broke our love and trust with my drinking -- but better late than never, right?
I'll always be in her debt, for having saved me.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,540
It's a long bow but maybe right back to when I was very young and my (alcoholic) father gave me a sip of his beer. The froth looked like ice-cream but on taste spat I spat it out spontaneously. It was a problem. I guess really when I understood the cycle.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Nebraska
Posts: 106
When I came home from work every day and started drinking as automatically as I was breathing and not even realizing I was drinking until I started in on the third or fourth pour. Waking up on days I didn't work hung over and reaching for more with my coffee. Hiding drinks hiding bottles. Budgeting my money to ensure I had enough for the month. Rotating liquor stores wher I bought so no one would think I had a problem. I could go on.
But for me I don't know if there was one specific thing but an ongoing list of behavior that brought me so much shame until I really accepted my problem.
But for me I don't know if there was one specific thing but an ongoing list of behavior that brought me so much shame until I really accepted my problem.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 1,601
When I first started drinking alone and hiding how much I drank, I knew I had a problem. I'd be out to dinner with my family and everyone would have one drink and relax and enjoy themselves and I would be in an absolute panic about whether or not I could get away with ordering another drink or if I could sneak over to the bar and get one there, or could I last until after dinner and have a few at home? It became all about the alcohol...once I had one drink I wanted more and nothing else mattered to me except getting that drink. I lost all interest in my family, friends and life itself...I existed only to drink. What a god-awful state to be in!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 2,308
It definitely wasn't the first time I considered it a problem, but I knew it was a "REAL" problem my first year after college. One night I bought a six pack of beer at the store and walked home to my newly rented apartment that I had all to myself - my first time living alone with no roommates. I figured I should have some beer in the fridge, you know, to have one here and there. A mature adult thing to do!
That same night I had 1 beer, then 2....before I knew it I drank all 6, home alone by myself, on a work night. I likely would have kept going if I had more in the apartment. I had no college student excuses, no bad influence friends to blame it on. I was a working professional guzzling beer like water. When I woke up hungover the next day I scared myself knowing that my behavior was not OK whatsoever.
Did that stop me? Nope.....
That same night I had 1 beer, then 2....before I knew it I drank all 6, home alone by myself, on a work night. I likely would have kept going if I had more in the apartment. I had no college student excuses, no bad influence friends to blame it on. I was a working professional guzzling beer like water. When I woke up hungover the next day I scared myself knowing that my behavior was not OK whatsoever.
Did that stop me? Nope.....
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 319
Hi. I've been around here a long time and have made a few half assed attempts at sobriety which have only ultimately resulted in me drinking increasingly larger amounts of alcohol making myself sicker than even I ever thought possible....but anyway, to answer your question...over the holidays I went on a drunk and at about 1 am started making myself some bread and butter. I was cutting up the loaf of bread and cut myself and didn't realize it. As my husband recounted to me, I was bleeding heavily all over the bread but...I still tried to eat it. He threw it away.
Have no recollection of it. Have been scared to death ever since.
Have no recollection of it. Have been scared to death ever since.
Chances
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Gosford, NSW
Posts: 110
When I was about 19 or 20 and realised I was and had to drink to excess and create opportunities to drink as often and as much as possible. It was a compulsion in me than, probably not an addiction but I was too young and too driven to want to change it. It was more like an inconvenient dream like background thought.
The first time I tried to drink I was 16 and I couldn't stand the taste or beer or stomach it. It was an embarrassing awful situation. 1/4 of a bottle and I spew it out. I considered it a humiliating weakness and I keep forcing that crap down my throat till I could drink it, get drunk and after a year I remember not loving but not minding beer. I'd grow to absolutely love it to the point in sobriety that I sometimes buy alcohol free beer to chase the taste (not the effect or habit).
Whilst my mind obsessed and drove me towards it from day one my body really reacted to it as the poison it is.
The first time I tried to drink I was 16 and I couldn't stand the taste or beer or stomach it. It was an embarrassing awful situation. 1/4 of a bottle and I spew it out. I considered it a humiliating weakness and I keep forcing that crap down my throat till I could drink it, get drunk and after a year I remember not loving but not minding beer. I'd grow to absolutely love it to the point in sobriety that I sometimes buy alcohol free beer to chase the taste (not the effect or habit).
Whilst my mind obsessed and drove me towards it from day one my body really reacted to it as the poison it is.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 46
Others realized it long before I did...
When I was in my 20s, I loved drinking and had friends that loved drinking. As we all got older, there came a time to turn into responsible adults and moderate partying to take care of real jobs, spouses, kids, etc. I didn't do that. Even at 32 I didn't have hobbies that did not involve drinking. Seriously-- Friends, strangers told me I should drink less. I didn't listen and kept drinking.
I finally thought about quitting at 33 when I spent all my days in bars or buying alcohol with (often alone) and that became my sole priority in my life. I am at a point that I don't want alcohol. I crave it. My point is that I never realized it was a problem. I realized I lost a lot of good friends and life opportunities over the last 15 years. I wish I would have slowed down or quit so much earlier. I wish I could tell my younger self that drinking is going to get in the way of everything you want/love.
I finally thought about quitting at 33 when I spent all my days in bars or buying alcohol with (often alone) and that became my sole priority in my life. I am at a point that I don't want alcohol. I crave it. My point is that I never realized it was a problem. I realized I lost a lot of good friends and life opportunities over the last 15 years. I wish I would have slowed down or quit so much earlier. I wish I could tell my younger self that drinking is going to get in the way of everything you want/love.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 46
Originally Posted by Bunny211
I'd be out to dinner with my family and everyone would have one drink and relax and enjoy themselves and I would be in an absolute panic about whether or not I could get away with ordering another drink or if I could sneak over to the bar and get one there,
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Somerville, MA
Posts: 65
Waking up shoeless in a parking lot near my apartment. Drinking shots before getting behind the wheel of a car. Stealing alcohol from my friends. Hiding bottles from other people. Planning my days around my drinking. Terrified to drink and even more scared not to.
The one thing I can attest to is that my drinking got worse and worse the more I did it. Active addiction truly is hell, but now that I'm newly sober, I'm dealing with the depression and anxiety that I treated with alcohol.
The one thing I can attest to is that my drinking got worse and worse the more I did it. Active addiction truly is hell, but now that I'm newly sober, I'm dealing with the depression and anxiety that I treated with alcohol.
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