I have to walk past my exes house every night, help?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 341
I have to walk past my exes house every night, help?
I know the reason for my relapse(s). After a very stressful day in the spotlight for a huge CEO where I currently work, I come home and finally get to relax.
Then I see my ex, who never really broke up with me, with a car parked outside 30 feet away. He brings a new girl over all the time just to throw her in my face. We had an on again off again relationship but I never did anything wrong to him. I was never the type to scream, fight, or be rude. I was never disrespectful. EVER.
He just stopped talking to me. He brings the same girl over and has loud se* outside my window where I share an apartment with my child. Our children are friends. We used to walk our children to the bus stop together. Now, I hear all the sex and I just cry. And I drink. How can anyone be so cruel?
He has even gone as far as to park his car in MY driveway. I call the police and they don't care. I relapsed tonight over this. I was doing great. I guess when it comes down to it I am just not the kind of person to do this to anyone, for no reason. So, here I am asking why people are so mean? I have to walk past these cars and people every day.
Then I see my ex, who never really broke up with me, with a car parked outside 30 feet away. He brings a new girl over all the time just to throw her in my face. We had an on again off again relationship but I never did anything wrong to him. I was never the type to scream, fight, or be rude. I was never disrespectful. EVER.
He just stopped talking to me. He brings the same girl over and has loud se* outside my window where I share an apartment with my child. Our children are friends. We used to walk our children to the bus stop together. Now, I hear all the sex and I just cry. And I drink. How can anyone be so cruel?
He has even gone as far as to park his car in MY driveway. I call the police and they don't care. I relapsed tonight over this. I was doing great. I guess when it comes down to it I am just not the kind of person to do this to anyone, for no reason. So, here I am asking why people are so mean? I have to walk past these cars and people every day.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
If he is messing with you don't let him win.
All I can tell you is what helped me when I was living with someone who antagonized me. It was this- I practiced meditation.
In the morning before he was up, I would sit and meditate for 30 minutes. I read and followed some Buddhist books that were easy to understand. And I went to a zen temple. It just helped e to become non reactionary to this toxic individual.
Maybe try it.
All I can tell you is what helped me when I was living with someone who antagonized me. It was this- I practiced meditation.
In the morning before he was up, I would sit and meditate for 30 minutes. I read and followed some Buddhist books that were easy to understand. And I went to a zen temple. It just helped e to become non reactionary to this toxic individual.
Maybe try it.
You can have reasons, or you can have results, but you can't have both.
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Syracuse, NY
Posts: 1,232
How long has this been going on? Were you able to stay sober before this all started?
I don't know why people are mean. I've seen and experienced this odd and insensitive behavior before -- I have no idea what they might be thinking. Hard to imagine it isn't intentional.
Old drinking me would say "Two can play at that game." But what a sure-fire way to lower your self-esteem and complicate your life! Right? Good, so that's off the table.
Is there any way you could move?
I don't know why people are mean. I've seen and experienced this odd and insensitive behavior before -- I have no idea what they might be thinking. Hard to imagine it isn't intentional.
Old drinking me would say "Two can play at that game." But what a sure-fire way to lower your self-esteem and complicate your life! Right? Good, so that's off the table.
Is there any way you could move?
You can have reasons, or you can have results, but you can't have both.
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Syracuse, NY
Posts: 1,232
BTW, if you consider moving, please don't think of it as a surrender or retreat.
A very rational reason for moving is that the neighbors are a nuisance. They're noisy, lewd, and inconsiderate. Even if this were not your ex, who the heck wants to live in the middle of a porn soundtrack, with the neighbors parked in your driveway?
And besides, who would want their child prematurely exposed to sex? Or growing up thinking it's normal to overhear this type of activity?
The neighborhood has taken a turn for the worse. You could probably find a better place for yourself and your child. The neighbor's behavior is odd and disturbing and you don't have anything to prove by continuing to suffer through it.
A very rational reason for moving is that the neighbors are a nuisance. They're noisy, lewd, and inconsiderate. Even if this were not your ex, who the heck wants to live in the middle of a porn soundtrack, with the neighbors parked in your driveway?
And besides, who would want their child prematurely exposed to sex? Or growing up thinking it's normal to overhear this type of activity?
The neighborhood has taken a turn for the worse. You could probably find a better place for yourself and your child. The neighbor's behavior is odd and disturbing and you don't have anything to prove by continuing to suffer through it.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Why is he mean? Maybe because he is sick. Maybe he's still behaving in ways that many spiritually sick people think is acceptable. Draw your curtains, and turn up your music, or get some ear plugs. He's not doing anything now that he didn't do before. People don't change unless they want to. Evidently he doesn't want to. It's time to ask yourself do YOU want to change, and to focus on your little corner of the world, and keeping your own side of the street clean?
I find that if I'm getting too concerned about others and what they're thinking or doing (to me or otherwise) this prayer helps...
God, help me to accept that people may be unreasonable and self-centred. Let me forgive them anyway.
Help me to accept that if I’m kind, people may accuse me of ulterior motives. Let me be kind anyway.
Help me to accept that if I find happiness, people may be jealous. Let me be happy anyway.
Help me to accept that the good I do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Let me do good anyway.
Help me to accept that I may give the world my best, and it may never be good enough. Let me give my best anyway.
God, help me to remember that it is between you and me. It was never between me and them anyway.
I find that if I'm getting too concerned about others and what they're thinking or doing (to me or otherwise) this prayer helps...
God, help me to accept that people may be unreasonable and self-centred. Let me forgive them anyway.
Help me to accept that if I’m kind, people may accuse me of ulterior motives. Let me be kind anyway.
Help me to accept that if I find happiness, people may be jealous. Let me be happy anyway.
Help me to accept that the good I do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Let me do good anyway.
Help me to accept that I may give the world my best, and it may never be good enough. Let me give my best anyway.
God, help me to remember that it is between you and me. It was never between me and them anyway.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 51
Originally Posted by behindblueyes 
I know the reason for my relapse(s). After a very stressful day in the spotlight for a huge CEO where I currently work, I come home and finally get to relax.
Then I see my ex, who never really broke up with me, with a car parked outside 30 feet away. He brings a new girl over all the time just to throw her in my face. We had an on again off again relationship but I never did anything wrong to him. I was never the type to scream, fight, or be rude. I was never disrespectful. EVER.
He just stopped talking to me. He brings the same girl over and has loud se* outside my window where I share an apartment with my child. Our children are friends. We used to walk our children to the bus stop together. Now, I hear all the sex and I just cry. And I drink. How can anyone be so cruel?
He has even gone as far as to park his car in MY driveway. I call the police and they don't care. I relapsed tonight over this. I was doing great. I guess when it comes down to it I am just not the kind of person to do this to anyone, for no reason. So, here I am asking why people are so mean? I have to walk past these cars and people every day.
Then I see my ex, who never really broke up with me, with a car parked outside 30 feet away. He brings a new girl over all the time just to throw her in my face. We had an on again off again relationship but I never did anything wrong to him. I was never the type to scream, fight, or be rude. I was never disrespectful. EVER.
He just stopped talking to me. He brings the same girl over and has loud se* outside my window where I share an apartment with my child. Our children are friends. We used to walk our children to the bus stop together. Now, I hear all the sex and I just cry. And I drink. How can anyone be so cruel?
He has even gone as far as to park his car in MY driveway. I call the police and they don't care. I relapsed tonight over this. I was doing great. I guess when it comes down to it I am just not the kind of person to do this to anyone, for no reason. So, here I am asking why people are so mean? I have to walk past these cars and people every day.
If I was you ignore him completely don't say hello or anything and concentrate to be Sober, nobody can make you drink, be sober and happy for yourself.
Mo.⭐️🌟
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,427
I think moving is a good idea if it is triggering you.
Besides parking in your driveway, it doesn't sound like
legally you can do much to stop him.
But you can get you and your child out of that situation.
I'm sorry you felt triggered and drank.
Are you back on Day 1 today?
Stopping now would be best--don't let other's actions control you.
Besides parking in your driveway, it doesn't sound like
legally you can do much to stop him.
But you can get you and your child out of that situation.
I'm sorry you felt triggered and drank.
Are you back on Day 1 today?
Stopping now would be best--don't let other's actions control you.
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
Posts: 4,215
He is a pathetic person and she's more so to go along with it...I almost feel sorry for her, being used as a prop for his tantrum.
Because that's what it is. He might as well be face down in the grocery store screaming and kicking.
You're obviously the grown-up in the room. If you can't move (would he follow you anyway?), can you learn to ignore it, just the way you would a child throwing a fit? Altthough if your actual child can hear all this, I would video it and show it to the police.
This is a terrible situation but you know that alcohol keeps us feeling helpless and hopeless, right? Put down the booze and you will get your true self back along with your strength.
Every time you drink over this, he wins.
Because that's what it is. He might as well be face down in the grocery store screaming and kicking.
You're obviously the grown-up in the room. If you can't move (would he follow you anyway?), can you learn to ignore it, just the way you would a child throwing a fit? Altthough if your actual child can hear all this, I would video it and show it to the police.
This is a terrible situation but you know that alcohol keeps us feeling helpless and hopeless, right? Put down the booze and you will get your true self back along with your strength.
Every time you drink over this, he wins.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by behindblueyes
So, here I am asking why people are so mean?
You've had a lot of relapses over the years, and a lot of reasons for doing so. But I don't think you've identified your untreated alcoholism as the reason you struggle to get and remain sober.
Until you do I am afraid you are going to continue to drink and feel miserable.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Zion, Illinois
Posts: 3,411
Originally Posted by behindblueyes
I know the reason for my relapse(s). After a very stressful day in the spotlight for a huge CEO where I currently work, I come home and finally get to relax.
Then I see my ex, who never really broke up with me, with a car parked outside 30 feet away. He brings a new girl over all the time just to throw her in my face.
Then I see my ex, who never really broke up with me, with a car parked outside 30 feet away. He brings a new girl over all the time just to throw her in my face.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 59
what a meanie,obviously he's trying to get your attention and upset you,don't drink you think you'd feel better buzzed and to almost numb that feeling in a way but trust me alcohol is not going to make anything goes away,if you live in a building complex ask the building manager if you can be placed in another apartment if not and if it's bothering you so much and if you can afford it,I would save up and move,don't let him or her get under your skin and if you have enough evidence against him you can even take him to court but of course theres the court costs and missing work for that day,I hope he is mature enough to stop the ignorance,wish you the best
stepfanie!!!
stepfanie!!!
You can have reasons, or you can have results, but you can't have both.
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Syracuse, NY
Posts: 1,232
Hi again. I gather from this thread that maintaining sobriety has been a challenge for you for a very long time?
Based on that I'll share something with you -- while we are drinking, we attract very low-quality people into our lives. Like your ex. Think about it: Why would any decent guy with good morals and honorable intentions want anything to do with a drunk? They don't. Like attracts like. So, that explains why your ex is acting the way he is. Because he's for s**t.
Good news is you can change the game if you STOP DRINKING. If you've tried and relapsed several times, quit fooling yourself and get into a program. If you get sober and stay sober, it's less likely that you'll again find yourself in an "off-again-on-again" relationship in which you're used for casual sex and then callously replaced. Trust me -- the whole dating game will change in your favor.
So....GET SOBER. And I do think you should also get another apartment.
Based on that I'll share something with you -- while we are drinking, we attract very low-quality people into our lives. Like your ex. Think about it: Why would any decent guy with good morals and honorable intentions want anything to do with a drunk? They don't. Like attracts like. So, that explains why your ex is acting the way he is. Because he's for s**t.
Good news is you can change the game if you STOP DRINKING. If you've tried and relapsed several times, quit fooling yourself and get into a program. If you get sober and stay sober, it's less likely that you'll again find yourself in an "off-again-on-again" relationship in which you're used for casual sex and then callously replaced. Trust me -- the whole dating game will change in your favor.
So....GET SOBER. And I do think you should also get another apartment.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Poconos PA
Posts: 1,544
Ask a sober male friend to come over and hang out when he's there. It doesn't have to be for intimacy, just for coffee and chit chat. It still will show your ex that you are boss of your own domain and don't care what he does or thinks. He may confront you but that's when you tell him what you do is none of his business. If he presses or act hostile in any way you then have grounds for a restraining order. Don't let him manipulate you, manipulate him right back.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 102
Originally Posted by Music
Oh c'mon. Stop blaming someone else for your conscious decision to drink. Drinking because the dog died or it rained or didn't rain is irresponsible. Put the responsibility where it belongs and get some help with your drinking problem.
Reason or excuse?
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
What you are suggesting is that if your ex would only show you some respect, or move away, you could recover from alcoholism. I know there are lots of different methods for recovering from alcoholism but I don't know any that suggest sorting out the people around you will fix it. Do you think it is possible to organise your life and the people in it in such a perefct way that you wouldn't need to drink? How long would it stay that way before someone stepped out of line.
I am no expert on relationships, so I'm not even going to go there, but I do know that other people are not the reason I drank like I did. I did that because I am an alcoholic. I recovered from that by getting treatment for alcoholism, while the people around me just went on doing whatever they wanted. That is the thing. It is possible to recover regardless of anything or anyone.
If I had drunk, I might have used my ex for the excuse, but the true reason was I was alcoholic and had not found a solution for that.
I am no expert on relationships, so I'm not even going to go there, but I do know that other people are not the reason I drank like I did. I did that because I am an alcoholic. I recovered from that by getting treatment for alcoholism, while the people around me just went on doing whatever they wanted. That is the thing. It is possible to recover regardless of anything or anyone.
If I had drunk, I might have used my ex for the excuse, but the true reason was I was alcoholic and had not found a solution for that.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 341
I was able to maintain sobriety before this. I am back on day one.
The reason I mentioned I work for the CEO of a company is that there is alcohol everywhere. I was given a large bottle of liquor just last week. I am constantly stressed and was able to maintain sobriety. I had every reason to use to drink.
The guy used me which is fine and I can get over that. I can not understand why he is going out of his way to make sure I am home, parking his car in my driveway, and directing all noises towards me. I have his number blocked and have no contact with him. I actually opened the door to go to work and he was right there getting in his car so I closed it again this morning. Shouldn't have him on my property. He has enough room to park over there...
Great advice, thanks.
The reason I mentioned I work for the CEO of a company is that there is alcohol everywhere. I was given a large bottle of liquor just last week. I am constantly stressed and was able to maintain sobriety. I had every reason to use to drink.
The guy used me which is fine and I can get over that. I can not understand why he is going out of his way to make sure I am home, parking his car in my driveway, and directing all noises towards me. I have his number blocked and have no contact with him. I actually opened the door to go to work and he was right there getting in his car so I closed it again this morning. Shouldn't have him on my property. He has enough room to park over there...
Great advice, thanks.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,450
Will knowing "why" he is that way really make a difference? Or just draw you in further to him and his business?
Accepting that people ARE the way they ARE whether I understand them or not has really helped me manage my expectations of others and focus on what's best for ME, no matter what they do or don't do.
Accepting that people ARE the way they ARE whether I understand them or not has really helped me manage my expectations of others and focus on what's best for ME, no matter what they do or don't do.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 59
[QUOTE=Music;5765620]Oh c'mon. Stop blaming someone else for your conscious decision to drink. Drinking because the dog died or it rained or didn't rain is irresponsible. Put the responsibility where it belongs and get some help with your drinking problem.[/QUOTE
I think the stress of life can cause anyone to relapse but realizing we are all in the same bout makes us no different then each other.
sobriety!!
[/QUOTEI think the stress of life can cause anyone to relapse but realizing we are all in the same bout makes us no different then each other.
sobriety!!
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