courage2

1. I have a professional event to attend tomorrow at which wine will be served, liberally. A few of my colleagues have already made silly asses of themselves salivating over the prospect. One made a big production number out of laughing off her "dry January."
2. Anticipating this, I began to seethe good & early. What pikers, what children, amateurs! Was Ms. Dry Jan a closet alcoholic, about to throw away a flirtation with quitting? Were they mocking me and my hard-won day count? I started brewing up a stew of nasty resentments at the entire cast as if they making a personal affront to my sobriety.
3. Then I prepared a vent post.
4. Then I realized it was a vent post, and thought it might be more interesting if I could make a positive recovery post. This was a puzzler at first -- where's the silver lining in this situation?
5. Then I started thinking about what I've learned so far:
   -- that if something disturbs me, some element of the disturbance is in me
   -- that I was *looking* for an excuse to resent these people, with whom I drank once or twice, who are younger and prettier than I, and still drinking.
   -- that they, being human, have problems of their own.
   -- that the only reason I need concern myself with their problems is if they seek help from me, or if they interfere directly with me.
   -- that unless it's one of those two, I may as well feel glad if they are well, or sad for them if not.
   --that I feel better and am likely to act better when I encourage myself in thoughts like these, instead of envy, pride and anger.

Just wanted to share -- you *can* turn around the twisted thinking of an alcoholic mind!

least

My alcoholic thinking was very depressing. Full of despair and self loathing.

My sober thinking is very positive, grateful for my blessings.

I love living a sober life.

Dee74

Awesome post Courage

D

Andante

Brilliant example of sobriety in action.

strategery

Thank you Courage!! I loved your post!

SoberLeigh

I love your way of thinking, courage.

Fly N Buy

Wow~!

"AA picked my pocket and stole my anger like a thief in the night"
E. Hightower

As we go through the day we pause, when agitated or doubtful, and ask for the right thought or action.

Thanks for the life lesson..........Amazingly well done and inspirational!

zjw

good post. it can be hard tho sometimes to catch yourself before you fall or before the thoughts hook there claws into you. Or sometimes you simply forget all that you've learned in sobriety and have a stupid moment where you resort back to that old way of thinking that got you into so much trouble. and that for me is why its a one day at a time thing. Its like every day I start all over again at ground zero again trying to remind myself of those simple things i've learned in sobriety that keep me thinking right and keep me sober. Everyday it takes effort for me and work etc..

Bird615

Good one! Thank you!

KDBnSLC

I've noticed, this past month of sobriety, that I resent Facebook posts of people, mostly younger, glamorizing getting drunk. Memes that suggest one need only drink more to cope with any given situation. They all made me angry, and then I realized that I used to be them...and not that long ago. I was merely seeing in them what I disliked in me. Now when someone posts or says something that makes me feel upset. I stop, take a breath, and have to ask myself "why did that little quip upset me?" Part of it is, probably, jealously that they can drink and I know that I never can again. The good news is, they usually post something the next morning saying how hungover they are, and have to call in sick to work. That's when the jealousy fades...rapidly. So, now, not only do I follow the story through to end when I get the urge, I also follow the story through to the end for THEM as well. It seems to be working for me. I don't feel much anger or anxiety now if any FB post like that pops up...every story has an ending.

Dropsie

Great post courage.

I was just reading a great website and found myself counting the booze references.

Stop, step back this is great website, for the rest, not my circus not my monkeys.

But ever said than done.

Great for doing it.

BBQBOY

Nicely put.....Thank you!!

Soberwolf

Excellent post

SoberCAH

Very nice way of turning a resentment into recovery.

I would consider whether I really need to attend this function.

If so, I would then try to determine whether I was spiritually fit to attend it without having a compulsion to drink.

If I felt like I was on shaky ground, I would work with another drunk instead.

I go to these types of functions regularly, but they were quite difficult when I was new to recovery.

Lastly, you may want to consider what you can add to this function.

It sounds like you can add a lot, especially through your example of sober living.

Look in the mirror, you are someone's idea of recovery.

Your participating in this may result in someone's calling you one day to ask for help.

It's happened with me.

Let us know how things go.

Dharma33

Thanks, Courage! Your post is great; I learned quite a bit from your thoughts!

Tooshabby

Thanks, C. Your posts often leave me feeling like it's okay to be me/human. I love your rigorous self-awareness.

eyeshake

The resentment I felt towards other people and circumstances outside of my control led me to that first drink.

I still feel that people should fit the mold I've cast them in. I get angry and resentful when I can't use the stove when I want to because my roommate got to it first. I get resentful when someone I'm attracted to doesn't acknowledge my new outfits.

I've come to realize it's an issue with control. I'm not comfortable with having absolute control over every minuscule detail in my life. That's part of the relief that drinking brought to me.

Drinking seemed to be how I medicated myself against the anxiety of not having control over things I can't have control over. Eventually, I lost control of my drinking.

I think the key to my recovery is learning how to be present with that anxiety about lack of control.

Gottalife

I think around page 100 there are some good suggestions. A quick summary

Go if you like, do what ever seems best.

Make sure you have a good reason for being there.

Try to contribute to the enjoymeny of others rather than trying and steal some vicarious pleasure from the occasion.

If you are shaky, maybe work with another alcoholic instead.

I have found on occasions like this there is nothing like helping out and trying to help others have a good time to make me feel a part of the event. When I go with that attitude I always come away happy inside.

courage2

To follow up, the event is over. Resentment about the alcohol was a non-problem, as I knew it would be -- after I'd gone through the thinking I posted here, and reminded myself of it a couple of times between then and now. I was of course aware of the wine, and who was drinking, and how much -- I can't help counting other people's drinks -- but it didn't get under my skin.

I did my job & smiled at people, even those who dislike me, and wished them well. It was an event that was all about showing face. It hardly hurt at all.

Yes, I'm mentally replaying a couple of awkward exchanges with people where there's a history of conflict. Drinking used to be a way for me to silence those anxiety-inducing mental replays. Without booze, I can't shut up the committee in my head so easily. So tonight I'll replay the awkward moments consciously -- and some good moments too -- and try to learn from them.

5 days and 3 hours and 45 minutes to go.

Sudz No More

I find that the farther I get from my last drink the less I care about how alcohol is involved with other people I may be around. Years ago I may have harbored resentment, now I almost get a tinge of pity when I see shades of addiction surface out of the imbibers. I am better off and my loathing for alcohol only becomes more acute when I have the opportunity to see others put themselves in harm's way. It has become a non issue in my mind and if somebody tried to press me I would only take an elitist attitude with them that I was strong enough to stop the silliness they are about to partake in. Easy road out, stay high and dry.