120degrees0ut

I am very sick of constantly thinking about alcohol. I swear its continuously on my brain. I feel like its a CONSTANT Battle. Then i dream of quickly making it to liquor store before closing time and leaving with a big bottle in a paper bag. I do not get better with sobriety at all if you ask me...except that i can function and be productive. Or be what other people consider "normal". Ugh. I could care less what other people think is good and right. All I want is to stop suffering! I am totally alone, I have zero friends cuz i moved to new state. I am so isolated here and I never feel good about being sober. Also i am angry quite alot. I dont see any progress in my staying sober at all. Big deal, so I can get things done easier. But Im just miserable doing it. Why is alcohol SO addictive? I know this entire mess will never leave me. What I do wish is i never woulda gotten so hooked on drinking. But its far too late for that now. I dont deserve to constantly suffer like this. Its BS. I try so hard and fight so hard for What? Pure misery? Tired of it. A person can only take so much. I dont mean to feel like im feeling sorry for myself. i truly dont. im more fed up than anything. Alcoholism is a constant battle for me.

least

What other changes have you made in your life besides getting sober? I had to change my whole attitude. What did it for me was practicing gratitude every day. It made me focus on the positives instead of the negatives.

MariahGayle

I'm sorry you are having a hard time right now 120. i felt pretty alone in this too & was so glad when I found SR & knowing that I wasn't. Sounds like some face to face support would be helpful to you too, maybe AA where your at, a good way to meet some peeps that understand exactly what your going through? You might not seem like things have gotten better without the drink but functioning & being productive are a big deal....give yourself a pat on the back, this is hard, but the alternative isn't a good one. Hoping things are brighter for you soon!

totfit

Sobriety does not make one better. Sobriety only gives one the opportunity to do things that make them better. If all one does is quit drinking and nothing else, they are the same as they were before without the "medication". Quitting drinking gives one the wonderful opportunity to start doing things and improve mentally, physically, and emotionally. It is not a quick fix, but time and right choices and action will make a totally amazing difference in one's life. I know this.

walkbeformakrun

I'm pretty sure you did not quit drinking just to get things done. Maybe focus on why you quit. What were the negative consequences that lead you to quit?

As for cravings, have you tried medications? I take Antabuse which makes alcohol no longer an option. Once I started on it, I stopped thinking about drinking. Not completely but it is more like a quickly passing thought rather than a battle about should I or should I not. Before I took it I was like you, constantly thinking, maybe I should have a drink now. And often doing just that.

Also, as others have said, changes in lifestyle will refocus your attention. New hobbies, exercise , etc.

tomsteve

how long since ya last drank?

ADEfree

120degreesOut -

No, that's ok man, thanks for coming here and venting. It's totally ok to let us know how it is for you and you're going to help out someone in the same situation who may be lurking and afraid to post or is simply new to the board.

It's tough to go against that craving. There are a number of studies that explain something called the Alcohol Deprivation Effect, you can learn more about it by going to Google and searching on:

Alcohol Deprivation Effect Human

You'll see a lot of studies done on rats, they can be kind of technical, but you can pick up something from the "abstracts", you'll also see some write-ups about this effect in humans. Basically, the upshot is that many who fall afoul of Alcohol Use Disorder end up "programming" themselves to seek alcohol via the opioid neural pathways in the brain. Every time you respond to the urge by taking a drink, the pathway becomes wider and stronger. If drinking resumes, it usually ends in a relapse that sees alcohol consumption shoot past previous levels and the attendant personal and collateral damage to that person's life rises as well.

I want to tell you straight away that I am neither a doctor nor a health professional of any kind. That being said, I fear that you are at risk for a relapse. I urge you to get the help of a medical professional on your team. A Psychiatrist that is skilled in addiction medicine might well be a good choice here as he/she could help you with the urges and also help you power through behavioral issues that might underlie and feed the Alcohol Use Disorder, thereby killing two birds with one stone.

For some, once they attain sobriety they never look back. Some plug into AA or secular support groups and get a broader type of support that helps them integrate with the community and I think that might be a good route for you to check out. Phoenix must have a fair amount of those types of opportunities, perhaps someone here can help you get started with that, just so you can get some type of support going while you figure out what kind of professional help you want on your team. You will get past this. You will prevail. You will be happy again, do not despair. Stick around, tell us how it is for you. You are not alone.

JeffreyAK

Honestly it sounds like you (your addict voice) is working up a list of reasons to go back to drinking, creating a sense of suffering and maintaining it. As mentioned above, maybe focus on the reasons why you quit, not the fabricated reasons to go back?

fantail

Hi 120

I'm sorry it's so rough for you. Are you doing any artsy stuff these days? I'm taking a woodcut printing class this weekend... I'm feeling super overwhelmed and busy right now, so signing up for a class kind of forces me to make time for it. Maybe you could do something like that to get distracted?

sleepie

That sucks 120! I know it's a damn drag at first and I think you have a real job cut out for you being that you moved to a new state. That is quite a lot to deal with, isn't it said that moving is one of the most stressful life events? Loneliness is a such a hurdle even sober.

Would you think about going to AA at least to meet some people and not be alone? You'd be on the same page at least as far as drinking.

How long have you been quit?

Dropsie

That stinks.

I am so sorry that you are feeling this way.

And the really bad part is that you KNOW that drinking is only going to make all those things worse. Its like putting a sledge hammer to your head to get rid of a headache.

Please take it off the table.

Believe me, I speak from experience, as do others.

If you need a bit of outside support from antabuse or whatever, do it, but please don't talk yourself into a drink.

It will get better, but drinking will only make it worse.

Thinking of you.

Dropsie

120,

I didn't mean to be presumptuous by inferring you might be thinking of drinking.

Just worried is all.

Aurora7431

It's been awhile since you posted this it wanted to thank you anyway. Good advice!

120degrees0ut

THANKS Everyone for your Great advice here. I havent logged in here for awhile Cuz I had computer issues. I still am sober. I dont know why i get so stupid angry i cant drink a giant bottle of booze. What i should be angry about is that I allow alcohol to continue controlling me. Im still sober and I feel fine today. This Mess comes and goes ALL the time. I guess ill just have to deal with it. Its my Reality and I need to accept that. Nobody ever said this is really simple and easy. Anyways, Have a Great Day Everyone!

gaffo

I know what you are going through. All I can say is ride it out, it gets better. Life goes on as it does, good and bad but those awful alcoholic thoughts do fade. I thought I was going to lose my mind but it did get better.

advbike

Dude, you would really benefit from a recovery program. Some people need it some don't, but if you're thinking about it so much and having cravings, well that's just the type of issues AA really helps people with. I had no real problem with alcohol cravings after the first couple months, but my head was a mess because you take away the booze and there was.. me. AA really helps us deal with sobriety. I go to meetings now, and I'm working the steps, and well, I'm much more calm and grateful. Take care.

PaulDaveSmithJo

Bingo. That's really the heart of the matter. Please use it to liberate yourself. I've used the same anger to successfully undermine and eventually eradicate my desire. I then could realize that the alcohol didn't control me at all, only my choice of consent or dissent to my desire controls me.

And take note that while the war isn't yet over, you've been winning the battles lately. You are right now controlling it, rather than vice versa.

sugarbear1

Meeting Map ? Salt River Intergroup of Alcoholics Anonymous ? Serving the Phoenix & Scottsdale Arizona Area

What about an AA meeting? You'll meet other people and if you work those steps, your cravings can disappear!

Che

You're in a fight with rationally knowing that you don't want to drink anymore and that it isn't really making your happy, with craving alcohol anyway.

It is a brain chemistry thing. The more times your frontal cortex (reasoning, self-discipline) loses out to your craving (dopamine sensitivity), the worse it becomes.

The good news is, the more times your reason wins out, the less powerful the cravings are. It just takes a long time.

Changes in the brain occur slowly, over time. It takes time to become an addict, and time to stop being addicted. But once you've been addicted to something, it's pretty important to stop completely, since you just end up reawakening old urges. Life is easier when you let it go.

As far as being unhappy with your situation, you will find better and more creative ways to improve it once your cravings go down.

Dee74

Glad you're feeling a little better now 120degreesout

D