Ginko

Ok. I'm an alcoholic. Generally addictive personality all together. I no longer drink. I have no interest in drinking. Much of that is do to the amount of damage I caused to someone I care about while intoxicated. She has her own issues and I need to be very cognizant of them moving forward. So here's the situation

Tonight I made a Dijon mustard cream sauce for some fish. The recipe calls for dry vermouth. I used dry vermouth. As I have absolutely zero interest in the intoxicating effects of alcohol, this has no bearing on my personal sobriety. However, the other individual I mentioned, could be influenced(?) She isn't an alcoholic, but seeing me, with a bottle of vermouth, cooking and "enjoying" alcohol in that way, could that tempt her toward her own substance issues? As in, "hey he's doing it, why can't I?" This is certainly a conversation the two of us would need to have as the matter of temptation imo is unique to the individuals but I need some input. Thanks

ScottFromWI

I'd say an honest discussion about it between both of you would be a good thing. Do you feel it's a problem?

Dee74

I'd have the discussion before you made the meal.

You may feel it's not be an issue for you but I wouldn't take it for granted everyone else feels the same way.

D

freshstart57

Serve the sauce on the side. I would tuck right in, it sounds divine, but that's just me. Ymmv.

TigerLili

Why not just cook something that doesn't involve alcohol when your friend is around.

Ultimately her sobriety is not your problem to fix, but why risk temptation when you have plenty of other options that don't involve something your friend might find triggering.

SoberinSyracuse

Just ask her.

Or measure out the required amount of vermouth in advance so the bottle isn't sitting out.

Ginko

I have no desire to drink. Its only a problem in the effect it has on those around me, be it in their own confidence or in their preoccupation monitoring my own well being (getting treated that since I'm an alcoholic I may catch fire if I'm too close to it)

While considerate, I don't want to change my behavior depending on the proximity of the individual. This I actually consider worse because it is akin to hiding/manipulating my behavior.

Very true. Nor is it my place to create problems where there are none.

Simple. This was sort of recommended. It would be an easy option and take the process to more of a restaurant experience than a swinging around a bottle of booze experience.

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All replies were appreciated and help in forming a better understanding of the overall issue. As opposed to continuing this discussion here, I believe the biggest take away is that it pertains to the individuals in question and should be communicated (before it becomes a problem) as opposed to researched online.

leviathan

Take the measurement of vermouth called for in the recipe. Divide by 2. Use this measurement of cidar vinagar. Should turn out about the same.

Berrybean

Really??

So you just want to be aware of how things might pose a risk to her sobriety, but haven't got the willingness to make simple changes that are likely to keep things easy for her?

To be honest, it doesn't sound all that 'considerate' to me. It's only a simple alteration to a menu after all, not exactly life-changing. If one of my friends made a meal with alcohol in it, even though they're considered that it might be triggering to me, I'd be seriously thinking about whether this was a healthy friendship for me to pursue. I'd rather someone not cook for me at all if they felt if would be compromising their 'behaviour' to choose a menu that they're were certain wouldn't adversely affect me. What would you do if she was vegetarian or allergic to one of the ingredients?

Dee74

It sounds down right inconsiderate to me I'm afraid.

I'm not a vegetarian but a dear friend of mine is - we eat vegetarian every Sunday night.
I'm happy to change my behaviour - it's great food and good company.

I'm not losing out, and I don't think I'm cheapening myself or selling out in any way.

I'm also happy to change my behaviour with regards to alcohol in food.

I never order dishes with alcohol in them and I never use it in cooking at home anymore.



The idea that you'd be hiding or manipulating your behavior if you cooked a non alcoholic repast doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me Ginko.

D

Ginko

Hadn't really thought of it that way. It is a very simple change when compared to the overall impact that it may have. Again, this is assuming it be deemed an issue. So step one is communicate. And step 2 as we're discussing now is more belief/philosophy on the subject. Hadn't really considered it along the same lines as allergy/vegetarianism and it is a nice parallel (thanks).

I believe there was a misunderstanding however in what constitutes changing of behavior and how I view it. Being an alcoholic is my problem, not my friend's directly, beyond the impact my usage has upon their own personal well being (if it does even). This could also be applied to vegetarianism (holding of beliefs), tho I argue that allergies in this case as dietary restrictions with physiological effects as opposed to psychological ones, are different, and nobody would in their right mind say they would prefer you don't eat peanuts ever again because they're allergic to peanuts

The aspect I would have had an issue with is not cooking with alcohol while this friend was around, then continuing to use alcohol in recipes when apart. Can you see how this is akin to hiding of substance abuse depending on the individual's perspective? It removes peace of mind. The scenario in question was not making of a shared meal. It was making a meal for myself, alone. And i didn't see an issue with using alcohol. In the process though I considered the effect it would have on her (if any) if she knew. If said friend was around, it would have been a discussion first, of course. Should it be decided problematic, yes, the decision to not cook with alcohol at all is easy, and would be immediate. Do you see the difference in my interpretation?

Dee, your points seem to follow the same line as Beccy so while not addressed as directly, are appreciated and I value your continued opinion on the subject

Dee74

I can see that you frame it this way, sure

For me I frame it in a different, perhaps more black and white way - continuing to cook with alcohol would be a concession to the idea that I in some way still need alcohol in my life.

I'm glad you see the sense in discussing it beforehand, though.

D