awuh1

Fantail, I think you might be interpreting that section incorrectly. It does not say "If you are trying your hardest, and working the steps, and then you relapse it must be because you are incapable of being honest". In fact it says just the opposite. It says that "Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program." In other words it points to those who do not do the steps at all, or who do the steps in a less than through manner. These are the ones who were believed (in early AA) to be less than honest with themselves.

This was the obsevation when AA was just over 4 years old and had just 100 members. Their overall success was remarkable. It was far better than the medical community of the day was getting. My reading of this says DO IT, IT WORKS! BUT IF YOU ARE NOT THOROUGH, YOUR CHANCES ARE LESS THAN AVERAGE.

It's anything but a negative message. It's a declaration of hope and encouragement about a process that had met with great success. I think that's a very positive message.

fantail

I do see what you're saying. And I agree that if you're hearing it as a person who hasn't relapsed, or maybe someone who relapsed but knew they could have been trying harder, it's encouraging. But if you have relapsed, and you were participating in AA and trying your hardest, I don't see how hearing that can be encouraging.

I was a literature major though, I know that text is subjective. I already ignore that part at meetings, and will continue to do so... I suppose it makes sense that most people find it encouraging, or it wouldn't be so popular!

Gottalife

Hi Riggedgame,

your post had me on the edge of my seat. It described very well a dream I had a while back, where I was sly grogging and at the same time pretending to be a paragon of AA. I was in that dilemna, how on earth can I tell them what I've been up to and that I am not sober at all! I can't tell you the relief when I woke up and found it was all a dream.

BTW the way you described and wrote about your story was brilliant, I was thinking you must be a proffessional writer, certainly not someone down the drain with alcoholism.

I have some experience with antabuse. The first time I used it was on discharge from the laughing academy, and it was my sole protection against the first drink. I stayed dry something like four months, and although there was one old guy from AA who kept in touch, he could not persuade me to get involved. At the end of it, I was pretty miserable, couldn't get out of bed, the nurse's report described my living conditions as "absolute squalor" in his report. I finished up trying anatbuse as a means to control my drinking.

The one thing I learned in rehab was that the liver can process one 12oz beer per hour, so if I drank lees than that I would not get an antabuse reaction. A bit pointless really because I couldn't get drunk either. It amused my friends however that when I got a little ahead of the rate, my eyes went bright red and a got a little asthmatic as a reaction began to take effect. I stopped for a while and the reaction died down. I never had the full blown deal. In the end I chucked the antabuse and got stuck into the booze.

Fast forward a year, I arrive in AA, this time interested in what they had to offer. I took antabuse for the first three months. Far from being critical the AA members I knew all regarded this as going to ANY lengths. And that is what I was willing to do. Antabuse, total immersion in AA, meetings sponsor steps, the works and never once did I hear an adverse comment about antabuse. In fact I think many members today might suggest it for someone having trouble getting those first few days up. ( I have arranged this myself for struggling newcomers) Antabuse has side effects for some people so may not be suitable in all cases, but it was ok for me.

At about the 90 day mark I had a spiritual experience which made the antabuse redundant. I never liked taking pills anyway. But it had been a useful, though temporary aid.

It is possible, I believe to have antabuse implanted to give extended protection, up to six months if I remember correctly.

In my case, at the same time as the antabuse became redundant, so did alcohol. My old life had been replaced with something infinitely better, quite different to my experience staying dry on antabuse alone. There is no comparison.

But I have heard it said that for some of us, stopping drinking is all that is required to have a better life, and for others, like me, stopping drinking just makes matters worse unless we can find a better way to live.

I do kind of feel that, for me only, using antabuse as the base of my sobriety would be like having a gun to my head the whole time, sort of fear based. It wouldn't compare well with my current life where staying sober is effortless, and doing that AA stuff is just a pleasure.

All the best on your journey. And once again thanks for a great post.