Cancelling everything
 

There's a social thing I should go to today. I started a new job. I hate it. The jobs I qualify for are low paying, dealing with the public, basically being everyone's little b**** and smiling about it the whole time kind of jobs. They make me hate life. Lots of you know my situation with unfortunate gray matter. I feel destroyed by this past week and a half at work. I am not going to the social gathering because for one all the people there will never have to live the way I do. I didn't choose to have LD this is BS. It makes me hate life while I literally watch everyone else get to enjoy theirs. What I do isn't living. And also because now I can't even enjoy a little relaxation with some drinks like I used to. Everyone there will be drinking and enjoying themselves.

I feel like sobriety just took me full circle to the same nightmare life has always been for me living with this sh***y grey matter. I don't have the luxury of a family who cares. I'm in the closet about this life affecting disorder and can't tell friends about it. I can tell they think I am lazy or an underachiever who doesn't try. I do try. My trying just equals a lot less in return than most people's. This isn't something I can take meds or get help for.

It breaks me down and kills my heart a little more each day when I have to live this way.

I have cancelled all my social engagements since the beginning of January. I am forced to be overly cheerful and chipper all day at work for entitled people who treat me like I'm less than human. I don't have what it takes to put on a face for anyone else after that. And I'm getting very lonely.

Unrelated... next time you have to deal with someone behind a desk just be decent to them. Don't treat them like a low achieving underling. They are people just like you.

You all don't have to solve my problems or anything. There's no answer. Like my younger life, there's no choice but to drag myself through each day. Nothing can be done.

I just needed to tell someone. I can't IRL. This isn't a "sexy" disorder. There won't be any tv shows with attractive people portraying their special, "out there" talents related to it. It only makes people uncomfortable.

It colors my whole life.
Very sad and alone.

Sleepie,

I am so very sorry you are feeling this way.

It sounds terrible. I am also having a bad patch, but nothing compared with how you are feeling.

You are an important piece of all of your lives here, and wish there was some way w could turn this int something more positive for you, like you do for us.

There has been so much advancement with all kinds of LDs, as I know as I ry to find a better place for my youngest. I have told you before that your posts have helped me a lot in understanding how she feels.

Wish I could do more to help you.

We loves you girl.

I loves ya.

You can find new ways to be happy.

Sleepie I hate that you are having such a tough time. I wish there was something I could say that would comfort you. Please know that you are so important to all of us here at SR; You are such a big part of this community.
You are not alone Sweetie, your little COW family is standing firmly with you.
Please keep posting; maybe a little dialogue will lift your spirits.....

sorry i just don't have much else to say

:hug:

One of the most inspirational things I ever saw was a documentary on Jim Valvano, the basketball coach of Villanova. It is on Netflix as an ESPN 30 for 30 documentary. Guy had this dad growing up that had so much faith in his son. Anytime his son told him about his future plans no matter how outlandish his dad would say my bags are packed. Meaning he believed he son would succeed so much he had already planned his life around it. He even literally kept a packed bag in his bedroom to show his son he was serious! I think everyone should have someone in their life like that. I never did growing up either. Hey Sleepie my bags are packed I have faith in you! Watch the show if you have Netflix and let me know what you think!

Maybe you should do some service work and volunteer some of your time, it always helps me feel better.. Just trying to help..

Mods can I have a stay sober thread for us poor souls who work customer service?

I've done a lot of volunteering in my life.

Talkin' I think that kind pf parental support can change everything. Just everything. I on the other hand was regularly called "******" by my parents and made a lot of fun of. They are sick people.

Croutie does your daughter have non verbal learning disorder? She will greatly benefit from a parent who loves her anyway.

Hey Sleepie, what plans do you have with your bf tonight? A movie maybe..?
Are you affected by this terrible storm? We just got heavy winds and a dusting of snow, but it's very cold. We have huge trees in our back yard; been watching them sway in the wind all day, fingers crossed one doesn't topple over!

Oh, no Croutie.
He went to the social gathering since I am not.
I forgot how crushed work can make me feel. And it has been nerve wracking with all the mistakes I've been making and so many steps to every task!
I am enjoying myself in a semi dark quiet room catching up on Homeland while bf is gone and this is the best I've felt all week.

:hug:

Sleepie it's not me with the child with a LD it's Dropsie.
I don't have any experience with that..

ooops sorry!

Let me redirect that question to Drops....

I hope the trees stay upright Croutie!

I think sometimes the best place to be is bed island Sleepie. I know you find it comforting, so relax and let the stress of the week roll off your shoulders.
Are you in the mood for a little art project?

Bed Island. I missed it.
I'm not really ready to leave it.
No, no art stuff. When I work I don't really do anything in free time except recover from work and get ready for more work. I was only art making while I worked when I was drinking. I had the stamina and interest that way and all the rude things I put up with at work just wore off for the day.

You have beaten a few big thorns in your side in the last year. I know you have this ld and a few other thorns that maybe you can't beat maybe they won't ever go away but I hope in time they can maybe not drive you so nuts.

I sobered up and also solved a lot of problems but I have my job that's still a huge thorn in my side. But I will say its not as bad it doesn't bother me as much not much has changed other then my view of it and I m not out of the woods yet but my point is I hope this stuf slowly bothers you less.

I hope we can bothe get to a point where we can win these few remaining battles. I think it can be done.