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Cancelling everything

Old 02-02-2016, 05:35 AM
  # 81 (permalink)  
zjw
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a lot of the pain is from holding onto to the cliff.
To me that is the most important part of what davai wrote. Or to look at it differently once these bad emotions got a grip on you or your stuck in them thats where the real pain begins.

screw getting fired or failing at work or anything else. The grip these emotions and the attachment tot he bad has over us is the worst for me anyhow. I can get stuck in those funks and not get unstuck for some time!

But the times i can get unstuck rather quickly I relize how lame it is to get stuck to begin with.

I'm not gonna sit here and tell you I dont have all the same thoughts and feelings you do tho sleepie. I've had them all i still have them all sometimes too. and I like how you put it all out there.

I also have issues focusing on things with work. Issues focusing on more then one task. If i got a project going that wipes out my nerves if somthing else happens along the way my head is spinning I cant keep up I struggle. For lack of a better word I have felt downright disabled on many occasions. I'd say the first couple years of sobriety i thought this is it? this is as good as it gets? I quit drinking to be a friggen looser who cant keep up? How come I cant keep up I used to be able to. whats wrong with me?

I questioned it felt so bad about it. But i could never really come up with any answers other then I needed to find a more fitting job. Which I have yet to find. Or a more fitting life situation if you will. Still havent found it. So i started to realize i can fight it and get caught up in the negative of it all or i can say welp it is what it is and move on and try and shrug it off. Which is all i do anymore. I dont mean this from a head hung low this is depressing i suck lemme walk away now perspective either. Its more a sense of acceptance. I dont try and find my self worth in the things I'm not good at. I learned I'll never find my happiness in my job. Its just not there and to quit driven myself nuts trying too etc..

for me with work its like I show up i do what i can I pass go and collect 200 dollars and i go the frick home.


as far as them moving fast paced you should come to my neck of the woods we have 2 speeds here slow and dead stop lol. When I first moved here i remember getting annoyed in the checkout line with how long it was taking and such at times. In times I thought oh well who cares this slower pace is kinda nice.

too bad more people cant appreciate the slower laid back pace. This world is in such a hurry! In a big hurry to go nowhere too lol.
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Old 02-02-2016, 09:15 AM
  # 82 (permalink)  
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Thanks SW!

zjw I only went to the South a few times and it was to NO but I loved the slower pace. It was just, nobody was in a hurry and everything was green and beautiful. It was another world, don't know what it's like now as everything seems to move at light speed these days and speed and convenience are high priority and a real lifestyle these days.

Well I went and got sick so I have to go do another shift feeling like I got hit by a truck. Sigh, the old I say it is and he says it isn't scenario. Wanted the humidifier on last night, bf said it's not dry even though my throat was hurting. Sure enough wake up throat feeling like I ate glass and entire body aches. What does he care, he's never answered to anyone just worked at home and not even working now just doing his hobby til he gets another job which he's in no hurry.
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Old 02-02-2016, 01:45 PM
  # 83 (permalink)  
zjw
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yeah i'm in northeast PA in a rural area but i know what you mean about the south.

i was in rural areas of north carolina and virginia it was much the same way very slow laid back so where the people it was really nice. peopel are more accepting of you being a little slower in those types of areas too.

I dunno i guess around me people tend to be a bit more understanding that hey ya know that guy might be a bit slow but ya dunno wtf he's going through so leave him alone already!

Now where the company i work for is is very fast paced so they are likely going to go hey that guy is a bit slow Kick his ass and threaten his job till he speeds up! well you do that to someone like me and then i get anxiety and panic issues and they dont get anymore output lol.

oh well is what it is.
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Old 02-02-2016, 09:56 PM
  # 84 (permalink)  
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Ok so, today I was showing bf all the things, or some of the things, I have to handle at work and on the computer and phone and other things and for one the system we use is really, really headache inducing. It feels like to do one simple thing you have to remember 12 steps but there are other ways to do the same task but all slightly different and different details you can or can't do to them. I mean it's like going through a maze and there are pitfalls, trap doors and constant interruptions and you have to memorize your steps backwards.

After maybe 10 minutes of me giving him a little demo and walk thru of my typical day he was begging me to stop. And he's a programmer! He wanted to punch the computer. He says it's maybe the worst interface he's ever seen and it makes zero sense to him and I was like "Yep that's what I deal with, but you can include an equally complicated email system (make that 2), a doorbell that always needs answering, phone calls, voicemails, and answering to people in person... oh, and screaming children and occasionally assisting other staff. He hated it! LOL so I know it's not just me here, I mean this computer system we use alone will kinda make you wish you were never born.

But it was a real relief to learn even my programmer smarty pants BF hates the system we use. And I know he's not just being nice because he's the king of "Oh, that's easy for me"...
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Old 02-03-2016, 02:41 AM
  # 85 (permalink)  
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Perspective is a good thing, eh?
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Old 02-03-2016, 05:36 AM
  # 86 (permalink)  
zjw
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Originally Posted by sleepie View Post
Ok so, today I was showing bf all the things, or some of the things, I have to handle at work and on the computer and phone and other things and for one the system we use is really, really headache inducing. It feels like to do one simple thing you have to remember 12 steps but there are other ways to do the same task but all slightly different and different details you can or can't do to them. I mean it's like going through a maze and there are pitfalls, trap doors and constant interruptions and you have to memorize your steps backwards.

After maybe 10 minutes of me giving him a little demo and walk thru of my typical day he was begging me to stop. And he's a programmer! He wanted to punch the computer. He says it's maybe the worst interface he's ever seen and it makes zero sense to him and I was like "Yep that's what I deal with, but you can include an equally complicated email system (make that 2), a doorbell that always needs answering, phone calls, voicemails, and answering to people in person... oh, and screaming children and occasionally assisting other staff. He hated it! LOL so I know it's not just me here, I mean this computer system we use alone will kinda make you wish you were never born.

But it was a real relief to learn even my programmer smarty pants BF hates the system we use. And I know he's not just being nice because he's the king of "Oh, that's easy for me"...

see sometimes the problem aint you!!

heck im a programmer and i wanna throw the dang things out the window too. and believe me when I sobered up i cant tell you how many times i've wondered what on earth was i thinking getting into this field. Its like i was just asking for it!!
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Old 02-03-2016, 02:57 PM
  # 87 (permalink)  
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Sleeps,

Glad to hear that you shared with you man and got the feedback we expected -- it aint you. Its them.

Why do we always think its us.

Seems to be a common theme.

big hug, and you go girl.
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