Pondlady

I'm sorry you're so down. I think it's ok to not have many social engagements, I'm a homebody too.

I had a part time job in college, where I telephoned people, to take a survey. It was awful....people were very rude and often hung up on me. When I receive calls I consider bothersome , I always say " Thank you, I am not interested; but I wish you well with your calls." It doesn't take much to be polite.

sleepie

Thanks guys.
That's very true Pondlady! It takes a big toll to do this work everyday.

Aurora7431

Hi, please appreciate the things you have in your life. You have a boyfriend - I don't. I have a good job but a boss that treats me like an underling/ like she knows better than me no matter how hard I work.

Watching Homeland sounds nice. Better than sitting around or going out drinking too much, wasting money on alcohol. You could do so much better with the extra cash. I wish you so much joy through your recovery. There are blessings in your life.

Croutie

Hiya Sleepie..

strategery

If you think your life is always going to be screwed up and miserable no matter what you do because of the LD, your parents, or whatever else, it probably will.

You have the power to change your life in so many ways despite all of these issues. However, the decision as to whether you're going to stay on the same path, or change, is ultimately up to you and the actions you take.

Thumpalumpacus

Are you in any sort of therapy or treatment for your LD? There are different paths to learning ... have you searched for one that works for you?

I hope you get to feeling better.

I too work with the public, and it can indeed be a grind. I find my relief in knowing that it's not me dragging my anger around.

Delfin

You have us, sleepie. You're not alone. I know it's not the same as having a great family irl or a great job, but we care.

I'm reminded of when I worked as a server a million years ago. The customers were okay but the cooks swore and yelled at me like you wouldn't believe. I had to develop a thick skin real fast! I only lasted about a year and you'd better believe I'm a big tipper now cause I know how hard it is. Anyway, I always seem to go off on some tangent. Lol.

Delfin

ScottFromWI

Several posts have been removed. Please keep personal arguments out of the main forums.

sleepie

No, living with an LD isn't easy.

Hey Thump. Unfortunately, therapy cannot help a learning disorder. I have thrown away a lot of money I didn't have, even working 2 jobs for therapy. It's a situation that affects my whole life, from jobs to income to relationships and social situations. It's really hard and few understand and often dismiss it. It especially hurts as people often feel justified in treating someone like me as lesser than because in their eyes, they'd just dismiss me as stupid and figure I don't have feelings or something because of that. I have endured a lot of insensitivity in my life. What makes it even worse is that this disorder in particular, despite therapists, psychologist and even a neuropsychologist all telling me this is a real thing and that it does indeed affect my life pretty deeply- it isn't recognized by the DSM. There is some argument about including it in the autism spectrum but that's as close as it gets.

It makes me feel completely dismissed, and it makes my heart heavier each day.

Cow

Could therapy maybe help you cope with you learning disorder? It help me cope with my brain damage and other stuff.

Better question: How can we best help you, Sleepies. Lot of people here want to make you heart lighter.

zjw

Its crap and people are mean. You could be a genious and ugly and be treated like dirt in this world. You could have the next awesome solution to whatever it is and go un noticed because of the way that you dress or something.

People can just be really friggen shallow mean and cruel etc.. Its just how people are. Cant change em either forget it drive yourself nuts trying to change em or get them to see etc..

As a result yeah its true one could be held back in life because of it. For example some stuff i've done in the techy world some other company comes along and does it after i've dont it for years and they market it just right give it a catch name and wala they make tons off it. And i'm like hey? its not that revolutionary i've done it for years. But who am i? I"m no one got unnoticed it went no where for me. whats it matter? Not much to me I just had to find other things to love myself about.

You have a lot of good qualities as well and I hope you can be proud of yourself for those. If you keep focusing on the crummy stuff its gonna suck you down. I know I've been there and done that.

I dunno. I guess I dont see the same sleepie that you see sleepie. I see the one thats beaten benzos and booze and is one hell of a tough cookie. The one thats been through abuse and all this mistreatment for years and is still here still moving forward despite all the odds. I see the one that likes to chill at bed island and relax and has no problem saying it like it is and being straight and not sugar coating crap.

LD? bad gray matter? Tics? to me its like I dont even see it.

The people that mind dont matter and the ones that matter dont mind.

I hate to sound cold but the folks that dont treat you like a human being simply are not even worht your acknowledgement unless you want to show them what kindness is but outside of that its not worth your time. spend your time and energy on the rest.

I knwo how is tho in those lower paying jobs you can get treated as less then. I was out of work and had to work in a gas station again. I didnt make squat but I didnt mind I actually enjoyed the job always liked working there. But here i am a software engineer getting treated like dirt by the customers who felt i was nothing other then a stupid dumb cashier. I'd just laugh and think if they only new lol.

These people that treat you as less than keep in mind they duno you. sure its wrong of them to do this but what can you do they dont even know you so there opinion is pretty baseless.

zjw

and to add to your opinion on therapy and such. I'm not sure what you should or shouldnt do. But I thnk its good you post here vent get it out get some advice and so on. it takes bravery to lay it all out there. I dont post nearly as much as i'd like becuase I dont want to be picked apart but i desperatly want some advice sometimes etc.. or i just wanna vent or scream to anyone who will acknowledge me sometimes ya know!

I dunno I think your doing ok posting here etc.. do what works for you.

sleepie

That's the truth. I learn this more and more the older I get. Thank you zjw. That was really nice what you said about how you see me and especially about not minding that I don't sugar coat stuff 'cause I am pretty much constitutionally incapable of sugar coating things.

Cow ok so last year around this time I spoke at length over the phone with a neuro-psychologist and she just about made my mouth water describing the kind of help I need and what kind of things to address with someone who knows about this disorder and I was like "YES I WANT THAT SO BAD" but I'd pretty much have to be made of money to get it. It's not a disorder recognized in the Diagnostic Manual. So there's no assistance for it.

And you know, that makes me feel pretty disregarded in life.

sleepie

Like I said in my original post, I just need someone to tell cause I am in the closet about this in real life

ScottFromWI

Perhaps you need to find the courage to tell someone about it in real life to overcome it. There are LD groups and associations on the net and from what I can tell there are many people who live with it and find ways to overcome it. Perhaps if you could find a community like that it would be of benefit. I remember you posted a link a while back about an author who overcame her LD and actually wrote a book about it...quite a feat for someone with NVLD, wouldn't you say?

The bottom line is Sleepie, there ARE people who overcome and live with their LD, just as there are people who overcome many other problems even more severe. You are no different from them and have the ability to do the same if you really try.

Really think about this once...for someone who has NVLD, you communicate VERY well here on SR in a non-verbal format. In a sense you have already overcome some of it by doing that. Nothing is stopping you from applying that to other parts of your life except you.

sleepie

Actually this is a verbal format being that it is language related. But I appreciate what you're getting at.

That author is a sci-fi author too, never wrote about the LD.

I have a HUGE long road ahead of me to getting this disorder out there. 1st I have to put up with this crap job for awhile so I can have it on my resume. Then I have to get a job w benefits, so I can pay to have about 7 hours of testing to get an updated diagnosis which to me is a BS way of someone lining their pockets w insurance money. THEN maybe I can figure out how to make this situation known.

So yes, I might be venting here while I go through all of that. It's not going to be easy and I have already completed the 1st step in getting off booze and benzos- fun fact everything I read about this years ago mentioned the trajectory of people with this disorder. It was as follows: Goes undiagonsed. Anxiety and depression. Addiction. Suicide.

Yep. Like I wrote it myself.

I recall being in withdrawals and thinking "I don't want to be a statistic of this disorder."

Maybe it doesn't look like much but I have actually gotten something done on this long road that I did not choose for myself.

ScottFromWI

I think it's quite the opposite actually. WE ( SR in general ) see a lot of progress from you. You need to give yourself more credit for what you've actually done. I understand that is difficult for you and I'm not criticizing you, but you really do need to stop being so hard on yourself.

sleepie

I am glad some here understand what I am taking on and still continuing with sobriety. This is not a case where I can take a med and be better. This is not a thing that therapy helps. This is a very, very difficult place to be and without even a supportive family member. There is not an abundance of resources or communities for this disorder as there are with others, like autism. It is generally unknown and unacknowledged. Only in recent years has anything been out out there by maybe 1 or 2 people at best, both of whom had the advantage of good family and early diagnosis, acknowledgement and addressing of the situation.

Now, stop and think about it... before it was made more known and awareness happened - how lonely and difficult do you think it was for autistic people, or those living with almost any disorder that we can talk about today? 'Cause that's where I live.

At least one person here came out of the woodwork because she has a family member in a position similar. And they said it helped them understand. And that's a good thing, I did that, despite what I am handling with addictions. Just by being my non sugar coating genuine self about the situation.

So that's what I intend to do on a larger scale. It's needed.

And along the way, yeah I'm gonna mention how much it sucks and how hard it is not being able to deal with all this with a drug or med or drink.

It's pretty raw.

zjw

start a blog about it or something. Your straight forward non sugar coating nature is awesome. I know some people prolly find it abraisive or something. In my real life I've only met a few women who are like right to the point no sugar coating rarara. All different too and yeah there are always some that just find it abraisive and are very intolerant of people like that. But then there are plenty of people who appreciate people like that too. Your not afraid to say what some of us are afraid to say that sorta thing.

I dont know much about the LD but just an idea to toss around maybe blogging about it or something could help you and others. even if all your doing is blowing off some steam. People would gain a lot from your journey i'm sure.

I think everyone here has a story to tell. how they slugged it out in life and somehow are still standing and are here now sober. I know i've struggled and so have you.

I think you'll get to the other side of this.

sleepie

Guys I gotta run to work
more on this later