OCDDan

I joined this site about four years ago, I spent a lot of time in the newcomers forum and I'm just now thinking that most of the posts in there relate to either someone not believing they have a problem, a tragedy that happened, social reasons or patting themselves on the back (myself included). My drinking career lasted for about 45 years with some minor breaks in drinking, over the course of that time I finally have come to the conclusion that I simply cannot drink. Getting in trouble with the law has helped a lot in convincing me to not drink as I am faced with losing everything I've worked for if I get caught drinking, my life is good, I don't want to lose anything. So now that I'm finally convinced, I'm not getting any cravings to speak of, I know life is so much better sober. Here's the point of why I'm posting, I'm in "one on one" therapy, I go to AA because my therapist wants me too and I'm on probation, I try to keep an open mind about AA because it might actually work for me but in my mind, knowing me, after probation is over, I don't think I will probably go anymore. I know my therapist is much more knowledgeable about recovery than I so I still go. With that said, I am concerned about what will happen after therapy and probation are over. Like I said, I don't have cravings, I do not ever want to drink again and realize that being sober is so much better. So where do I go from here? what should I be working on to grow and keep moving forward in recovery? I don't need convincing to not drink, I've never been to this stage before and what should I do in case aa becomes a thing of the past for me? I know this is a long post, thanks for taking the time to read it.

Obladi

Hi Dan,

There are lots of alternatives to AA. Someone will surely post links to a bunch of those, because that's just how helpful these folks are (you know).

I found lots of helpful stuff for my mindset by reading about AVRT in the secular forums connection. I started Intensive Outpatient Treatment last week and because this group is not married to AA, I feel ok with the predictable amount of AA speak I hear. They choose it, I don't have to. Seems like you might not need IOP at this point, but this place offers "Continuing Care," a program where people meet once weekly. Another option I found attractive is SMART Recovery. They don't have a huge presence, but I'm lucky that there are meetings in my area. I'm hoping to go to my first one next week to see what that's like.

Just some ideas.
Congratulations on your progress and for thinking forward to what's next.

sugarbear1

....or you can work those steps and learn about yourself.....pick an alternative method.......create a plan with your therapist.....

ScottFromWI

I'd recommend finding a structured plan that you can follow. Not drinking based simply on fear of the consequences generally only works for so long.

You could certainly give AA another chance, do you have a sponsor? There are plenty of other plans too, some are meeting based like Life Ring, Smart recovery, etc. Others like AVRT are self-paced. You could also continue seeing your therapist, you most likely have other underlying issues that will need to be worked out. Sobriety is much more than just "not drinking". It's about facing the issues of your life and finding ways to deal with them in a positive way. I personally deal with anxiety, so a big part of my recovery is learning healthy ways to deal with it. I used alcohol for many years to hide from it, but it obviously didn't work. Using therapy and other tools i'm improving in that area, which in turn helps reduce/eliminate the call off my addiction.

freshstart57

I see that you have come to believe you can't drink. I knew that for a long time about myself, but I drank anyway. Nothing good happened for me until I decided not to drink. Ever again. For good. I locked it down and threw the key away. I see a huge difference between knowing and doing.

It was only after I made that permanent choice to abstain that I was able to start rebuilding my life, adding things that bring joy and peace and a little happiness to me and to those around me. That is my long term plan - make a life and live it. Good luck!

zjw

AA isnt the end all be all. But i'd at the very least keep one foot in the door of some kinda help program daily evne if all you do is read here once per day. You dont want to become complacent is all. IE keep going to therapy buy a big book read it now and then each day do something that acknowledges you once had a problem and that helps you work towards staying sober. Go to AA once a month once a week dont shut the door all together etc...

For me recovery is a bunch of diff things not just one avenue.

esinger

I don't think that having that constant fear hanging over you is too healthy. As several have mentioned there's several options out there. As you've mentioned the desire/option to drink is gone so how about just moving on with your life. Get involved with other social activities and interests that don't involve intoxication or reference to it. This is something that a few years out I'm slowly working on and adjusting to, but so far, no desire to go back.

aasharon90

If all those living a recovery life, those
who learned how and continue to learn
how to remain sober each day without
a drink, passing on the knowledge they
learned themselves, their own ESH -
experiences, strengths and hopes of
what their lives were and are like before,
during and after addiction to me, paving
this awesome path to follow to achieve,
health, happiness, freedom, honesty, then
I would probably be dead today.

I needed them to help me, guide me
along in my own recovery journey just
as many who are following me today
wanting to know how Ive learned to
remain sober 25 yrs of many one days
added together to get me where I am
today.

All those folks living a recovery life
became responsible members not
only in their lives, responsible in all
their affairs, families, jobs, etc, but also
in passing on their recovery knowledge
to me, us, you .....

I have a normal regular life just like
many out there in the world. Im no
different than the next person with
added responsibility in helping the
new guy achieve sobriety.

I was taught that I cant keep my sobriety,
I cant remain sober if I don't pass on the
knowledge of recovery that was passed
onto me.

If it wasn't for them who did that
for me to get me where I am today,
and me doing the same for you, then
no one would be sober today.

We'd all be a bunch of drunks doomed
to die in our addiction.

Of course this my own thoughts that
I am happy to share with you guys.

fini

Dan,
for long-term sobriety i needed to change the framework for my life, really.
i needed/need to build in things which are "meaningful" to me, have significance to me in my life.
i need to have ways of dealing with increasing annoyances, irritations, failures, lonelinesses, and so on that don't let these build to a breaking point.
i needed to learn new ways of not going with the feeling of the moment as a basis for decision-making.
so i needed to start building a life that is based on different principles.

that kind of thing.

can be done any number of ways.

CAPTAINZING2000

What I found in AA were people that shared common interests with me outside the AA rooms. I enjoy concerts, sporting events , sailing, riding motorcycles traveling and camping . I never entertained the idea of doing these things sober.

Even after a lot of years sober, I go to at least one meeting a week. I still need a reminder from a newcomer how painful it is drinking.
Have you ever entertained the idea of doing service work? Offering people rides if you have a car? If you don't drive, ask someone for a ride . Sign up to chair a meeting or help in Any AA activities.

MIRecovery

AA teaches me how to live a full rewarding life without alcohol. The wonderful thing is it gives me a life time of tasks to improve who I am and my relationship with the world.

doggonecarl

What to do for long term sobriety

Don't get lazy about it.

nandm

I went though many dry periods in my drinking career. Periods where for one reason or another I would stop drinking. Usually something bad would happen because I was drinking and I would swear off alcohol. The longest period of time lasted a year and that was only because my husband at the time accused me of being an alcoholic and so to prove I wasn't I quit drinking for a year (of course I was drinking O'Douls "non alcohol beer" by the case and it does have some alcohol in it). But the day that they year hit I hit the casino where I could drink as much as I wanted for free. I had just been biding my time that whole year to prove a point to myself and to him. Needless to say I am an alcoholic despite that year of not drinking.

I say that because of the fact that none of those dry periods ever lasted because I needed more than just to be a dry drunk. I needed the tools to live life on life's terms, to be able to fit into society without feeling the need to be loaded, to be able to manage problems as they arise without the first thought being to drown myself in a bottle, to be able to enjoy life without needing to have a drink in my hand, to find a way to deal with all the shame, resentments, self loathing, and anger I was holding inside, etc...

For me to do that I needed a program of recovery that could give me those tools. There are many programs of recovery out there to choose from. The one that works for me is AA. It is the one that relieved me of the obsession to drink and that obsession has not returned in the 14 years I have been sober. I also needed to see others who were able to find long term sobriety and I find that in AA. I have friends in the program with sobriety ranging from a few years to over 55 years.

Some people are successful at stopping without a formal recovery program. Some even have long term sobriety, not dry drunkness. I cannot speak for them though. I can only speak to the only thing that works for me.

Dee74

Hi Dan

I look back at what kept me sober and it was support, and using that support when I needed it...and a willingness to change whatever aspects of my life I needed to, to reflect my desire to stay sober.

A little commitment and effort never goes astray either

I never have to drink again if I don't want to - & I don't want to.

It's a great feeling

D

least

One thing I had to do was take alcohol off the table as an option. Period. Any time thoughts of drinking come, they are immediately dismissed. None. Never.

thisisme

Alcohol does nothing and takes all.
I believe that. I live that.
I will never drink again.

fantail

I haven't achieved long term sobriety yet, so this is just from observance and conjecture. But it seems like some of the major components are: A) find meaning in life (oh, that's all?! )... or at least be engaged in the pursuit of meaning, B) build a lifestyle that rewards sobriety and punishes drinking, and C) remain in contact with the reality of your addiction.

I think some people do all 3 in AA: A) working the steps and sponsoring people, B) being part of the AA community, C) going to AA meetings.

I have more of a hybrid approach right now. Right now I'm A) reading, writing, and meditating a lot on spiritual topics, B) professionally positioning myself in a place where I need my full mental and physical capacity at all times, C) going to AA meetings weekly and hanging out on SR daily.

I'm sure there are a million other ways to break down what the "pillars" of sobriety are, but doing that's a good way to start figuring out a long term plan I think. In terms of AA specifically, I went to an AA-centric rehab. It wasn't what I wanted at the time but insurance- and availability-wise it was the best choice. Instead of tuning the AA stuff out, I decided that if this works for so many people, it must have a lot of value in it. So I did a lot of breaking down little lists like the ones I use above, where I take AA as a model but then substitute my own approaches. As I did that I got more and more out of what they have to say. I think the same kind of "translation" can be applied to any recovery method.

leviathan

You know drinking is not worth it for you and you're having no cravings. This is the perfect time to plan.
I don't drink. Simple, yes. But, there are times and situations that make the olde drinking hand feel awefully empty.
For those, I have a plan. I even have a couple of contingencies just in case.

Berrybean

Hi - I agree that there are lots of different options.

I have gone to AA since being a month sober. For the first 5 months I just made meetings. I turned up and waiting for the recovery to seep into me. But meetings alone aren't the AA program of recovery. For me (and the people I've spoken to about this) it was when I got a sponsor and started doing the step work with her, and extending those principles of recovery to life for the rest of the week that my recovery started. I feel like while I was just making meetings then my recovery was kind of on pause. I was changing some habits, and of course (same as on here) hearing other's experiences gave me strength and hope. But ultimately AA is a program of actions, so it was probably a little hopeful of me thinking that just taking the Unity part of it by turning up to meetings wasn't going to give me any sustained progress or growth, After all, there are three sides to the triangle: Recovery; Service ; and Unity. Doing service (nothing major, but a small commitment and regularly helping set up and clear up), and engaging in the program of recovery have been game-changers for me. AA is a great example of 'you get out of it what you put into it'. I'd say, if you're going to give it a try, then try it properly. (You can't tell what swimming's like by washing your feet.)

Gottalife

Good post OCD, well thought out. It depends what kind of alcoholic you are. Your therapist has different ideas to AA. In the therapy world you may have an alcohol use disorder at some level, you may be an alcohol abuser, you may be alcohol dependent.

Those may be different to what AA means by an Alcoholic. In my case I was a hopeless chronic alcoholic for whom none of the other available methods worked, and I think I tried or was directed to try pretty much everything, and I only went to AA as a last resort when there were no other options. I didn't believe it would work but I had reached a point described in the big book as making a simple choice between living a spiritual life of facing an alcoholic death, a spiritual awakening being the only path to recovery

You don't sound like you are in that space. Sure you drank a lot over a long period and had a brush with the law. In AA terms those two things do not form a diagnosis of alcoholism, though they would definitely fall into one of your therapist's categories.

The definition of recovery or acceptable outcomes vary too. We have things like harm minimisation as a realistic a psychologist might believe is the best a particular patient can hope for. They regard it as good progress if he could get drunk only once a month instead of once a week for example. Abstinence is another. For many problem drinkers this is all that is required for their problems to go away and they can have a reasonably good life.

AA, I have found, shoots much higher than that. It took me into a life I could not ever have imagined, so far beyond my expectations. And it has proven to be permanent long term happy and rewarding sobriety. But it has it's price, the destruction of self centredness, which is not a popular concept in this day and age.

I related also to your comments about the newcomers forum. One of the many promises in AA recovery is that "no matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can help others" What it doesn't say is that this is one of the things alcohol can do for us too. I remember the time as a drunk who couldn't run his own life, I had plenty of advice on how everyone else could run theirs. I had an opinion on everything and knew nothing about anything. Never mind, I meant well