Hello... It's Me..
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 748
Hello... It's Me..
Love that song!
WARNING LONG POST!
Well my last thread was called 'Thank you and Goodbye". But given that you all talked me back, and thank you to you all for having taken the time to do so, I thought it would be better to start a new thread on a positive note.
So quick recap.. 70 days.. then let my guard down last Saturday, drank a couple of bottles of wine and got myself into a right state of self hatred, pity and panic the next day. But fortunately I managed to pick myself straight back up and fingers crossed, back on the right track, no particular problems and AV has temporarily shut up.
Anyway to get to the point of this post. Despite the fact that I am often frustrated about the system where I live (I know I complain too much about cultural attitudes, the lack of infrastructure for addicts and the fact that even some of the leading rehabs' principles are moderation and not abstaining )..But I am none the less very grateful for and really do recognise the extra ordinary support I receive from my Dr, Psychiatrist (specialised in addiction) and the rehab clinic I did attend.
I see my Psy every 5/7 days without fail and he has certainly saved my life in the past(I am not exagerating here, I once did something very stupid and dangerous) and I trust and value his counselling and therapy totally. Yet today, probably the first time ever, I felt uncomfortable with our session. I know that often when one feels uncomfortable it is because we are on sensitive ground that almost certainly needs to be explored... and I did get quite defensive with him.
Basically I have enthused about SR to him for many weeks now. He does not know the site because he does not speak English but I did take the time once to show him how it works and to explain how I feel it helps me.
Today he evoked the idea that I am may becoming overly reliant on a virtual community and that I need to get back out in to the real world. "Go and meet up with your friends for a drink" he said. There you are.. the advice you get in my part of the world! He made me understand that from his perspective, it is not a good idea to surround myself with addicts, recovering addicts neither here nor at the "once a week AA" in my town. He even put me on my guard about me becoming addicted the internet. It must be said I do have an addictive personality and a colourful past of various addictions and excessive behaviour in the past from sex to shopping to sport to food to alcohol!
The session left me feeling troubled. I get so much support from this site. And some of you almost feel like friends. But I do also recognise that I log on all the time to check the latest news etc. And I don't want to become an internet addict.
Also, he wants me to get back "out and about" and says that we will develop stratégies for me to do so safely. But for the past 3 months I have been pretty much holed up at home and I don't know how I feel about this.
Any experience or views on this topic/my situation?
Regards.
WARNING LONG POST!
Well my last thread was called 'Thank you and Goodbye". But given that you all talked me back, and thank you to you all for having taken the time to do so, I thought it would be better to start a new thread on a positive note.
So quick recap.. 70 days.. then let my guard down last Saturday, drank a couple of bottles of wine and got myself into a right state of self hatred, pity and panic the next day. But fortunately I managed to pick myself straight back up and fingers crossed, back on the right track, no particular problems and AV has temporarily shut up.
Anyway to get to the point of this post. Despite the fact that I am often frustrated about the system where I live (I know I complain too much about cultural attitudes, the lack of infrastructure for addicts and the fact that even some of the leading rehabs' principles are moderation and not abstaining )..But I am none the less very grateful for and really do recognise the extra ordinary support I receive from my Dr, Psychiatrist (specialised in addiction) and the rehab clinic I did attend.
I see my Psy every 5/7 days without fail and he has certainly saved my life in the past(I am not exagerating here, I once did something very stupid and dangerous) and I trust and value his counselling and therapy totally. Yet today, probably the first time ever, I felt uncomfortable with our session. I know that often when one feels uncomfortable it is because we are on sensitive ground that almost certainly needs to be explored... and I did get quite defensive with him.
Basically I have enthused about SR to him for many weeks now. He does not know the site because he does not speak English but I did take the time once to show him how it works and to explain how I feel it helps me.
Today he evoked the idea that I am may becoming overly reliant on a virtual community and that I need to get back out in to the real world. "Go and meet up with your friends for a drink" he said. There you are.. the advice you get in my part of the world! He made me understand that from his perspective, it is not a good idea to surround myself with addicts, recovering addicts neither here nor at the "once a week AA" in my town. He even put me on my guard about me becoming addicted the internet. It must be said I do have an addictive personality and a colourful past of various addictions and excessive behaviour in the past from sex to shopping to sport to food to alcohol!
The session left me feeling troubled. I get so much support from this site. And some of you almost feel like friends. But I do also recognise that I log on all the time to check the latest news etc. And I don't want to become an internet addict.
Also, he wants me to get back "out and about" and says that we will develop stratégies for me to do so safely. But for the past 3 months I have been pretty much holed up at home and I don't know how I feel about this.
Any experience or views on this topic/my situation?
Regards.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,874
SR has been my sobriety rock.
I agree with your doctor that you need a balance between virtual and real life but I totally disagree with his suggestion to meet your friends for a drink.
I am okay with doing that now but it was out of the question for me early on in my sobriety. My suggestion is to wait until you are very strong in your sobriety.
Very glad that you came here with this matter; I am so proud of you, Fabat.
I agree with your doctor that you need a balance between virtual and real life but I totally disagree with his suggestion to meet your friends for a drink.
I am okay with doing that now but it was out of the question for me early on in my sobriety. My suggestion is to wait until you are very strong in your sobriety.
Very glad that you came here with this matter; I am so proud of you, Fabat.
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
I am of the opinion that I use SR and AA to have a life but they are not my life. I have, friends, a wonderful wife, a career, and outside interests.
I see nothing wrong with Being addicted to SR and AA in early sobriety. There is one hell of a huge hole that needs to be filled when we quit drinking.
I'm still active in the recovery community and likely always will be but as time has gone on I have broaden my horizons to encompass so much more than just staying sober.
I will say going out with friends that are drinking is something that is not on the list of smart things to do. Your psychologist obviously know nothing about alcoholism
I see nothing wrong with Being addicted to SR and AA in early sobriety. There is one hell of a huge hole that needs to be filled when we quit drinking.
I'm still active in the recovery community and likely always will be but as time has gone on I have broaden my horizons to encompass so much more than just staying sober.
I will say going out with friends that are drinking is something that is not on the list of smart things to do. Your psychologist obviously know nothing about alcoholism
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: SE USA
Posts: 599
If I had gone to meet up with my friends for a drink at 3 months sober I would have either had a nervous breakdown or would have ended up drunk. Probably both actually 
. What worked well for me was to slowly integrate back into life. I had to stop doing lot's of things because I associated them with alcohol. I had to stop hanging around with certain people. I'm back to doing pretty much whatever I want now but it took a long time and some perceived sacrifices to get here. I say perceived because with sobriety my interests have changed. Finally maturing perhaps.
As far as the virtual world. I feel we have to find balance at our own pace. I probably visit here too much if that's possible, but I enjoy trying to help people. I also need reminded of where I have been. What I have done to others. If I am not reminded of that I run the risk of thinking maybe I could moderate or it wasn't that bad. I will take a little computer addiction if that's what it takes to not go back to the hell I came from.
. What worked well for me was to slowly integrate back into life. I had to stop doing lot's of things because I associated them with alcohol. I had to stop hanging around with certain people. I'm back to doing pretty much whatever I want now but it took a long time and some perceived sacrifices to get here. I say perceived because with sobriety my interests have changed. Finally maturing perhaps.As far as the virtual world. I feel we have to find balance at our own pace. I probably visit here too much if that's possible, but I enjoy trying to help people. I also need reminded of where I have been. What I have done to others. If I am not reminded of that I run the risk of thinking maybe I could moderate or it wasn't that bad. I will take a little computer addiction if that's what it takes to not go back to the hell I came from.
Alive in the Superunknown
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: 30.47ºN, 98.15ºW
Posts: 1,460
He's right to encourage you to have real-world life. Balance is good.
He's dead wrong to suggest that going out for a drink with friends is the way to go about it. Pursue your interests whatever they may be -- exercise, hiking, seminars, whatever -- where you'll meet people who share your interests.
But if their interest is drinking, you're endangering your recovery; you're endangering yourself.
Until you get to a comfort level in your recovery, though, I think it's a good idea to find support here, and elsewhere on-line as you come across it.
He's dead wrong to suggest that going out for a drink with friends is the way to go about it. Pursue your interests whatever they may be -- exercise, hiking, seminars, whatever -- where you'll meet people who share your interests.
But if their interest is drinking, you're endangering your recovery; you're endangering yourself.
Until you get to a comfort level in your recovery, though, I think it's a good idea to find support here, and elsewhere on-line as you come across it.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: West Tn
Posts: 3,043
Originally Posted by sg1970 
If I had gone to meet up with my friends for a drink at 3 months sober I would have either had a nervous breakdown or would have ended up drunk. Probably both actually . What worked well for me was to slowly integrate back into life. I had to stop doing lot's of things because I associated them with alcohol. I had to stop hanging around with certain people. I'm back to doing pretty much whatever I want now but it took a long time and some perceived sacrifices to get here. I say perceived because with sobriety my interests have changed. Finally maturing perhaps.
As far as the virtual world. I feel we have to find balance at our own pace. I probably visit here too much if that's possible, but I enjoy trying to help people. I also need reminded of where I have been. What I have done to others. If I am not reminded of that I run the risk of thinking maybe I could moderate or it wasn't that bad. I will take a little computer addiction if that's what it takes to not go back to the hell I came from.
. What worked well for me was to slowly integrate back into life. I had to stop doing lot's of things because I associated them with alcohol. I had to stop hanging around with certain people. I'm back to doing pretty much whatever I want now but it took a long time and some perceived sacrifices to get here. I say perceived because with sobriety my interests have changed. Finally maturing perhaps.As far as the virtual world. I feel we have to find balance at our own pace. I probably visit here too much if that's possible, but I enjoy trying to help people. I also need reminded of where I have been. What I have done to others. If I am not reminded of that I run the risk of thinking maybe I could moderate or it wasn't that bad. I will take a little computer addiction if that's what it takes to not go back to the hell I came from.
We make some sacrifices, mistakes, and progress.
In the end, it's like we are completely different people from the day we got help.
You can have reasons, or you can have results, but you can't have both.
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Syracuse, NY
Posts: 1,232
Hi, Fab at 50!
I log on here quite a bit now when it's so early in my recovery -- for support, because I have a lot of rebuilding to do in my "real life." So, I'm not worried that you're becoming an internet addict...at least not yet.
I agree it's important to start building your real life. Start to explore interests, meet people, etc. It'll be a gradual process.
In my opinion, you need to know both addicts (because they'll be at your side in case of crisis or relapse) and non-addicts (because addiction is not who you are),
I wouldn't leave a good source of online support, but I'd set some time aside at least a few days a week to reconnect with old friends and to get out and meet new ones. "In real life."
For myself at only 11 days into sobriety, I'm not planning on going to any drinking events or venues soon. Maybe by "drinks" your shrink meant coffee? If he really meant drinks, you might want to give that quite a bit more time especially since you relapsed recently. See how you're feeling in six months. But in the meantime, there's plenty to do in the world other than hang out in taverns!
Just my two cents.
I log on here quite a bit now when it's so early in my recovery -- for support, because I have a lot of rebuilding to do in my "real life." So, I'm not worried that you're becoming an internet addict...at least not yet.
I agree it's important to start building your real life. Start to explore interests, meet people, etc. It'll be a gradual process.
In my opinion, you need to know both addicts (because they'll be at your side in case of crisis or relapse) and non-addicts (because addiction is not who you are),
I wouldn't leave a good source of online support, but I'd set some time aside at least a few days a week to reconnect with old friends and to get out and meet new ones. "In real life."
For myself at only 11 days into sobriety, I'm not planning on going to any drinking events or venues soon. Maybe by "drinks" your shrink meant coffee? If he really meant drinks, you might want to give that quite a bit more time especially since you relapsed recently. See how you're feeling in six months. But in the meantime, there's plenty to do in the world other than hang out in taverns!
Just my two cents.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 704
I think it quite ok to be on this site every day, I would not classify that as a dangerous addiction or mind altering in a bad way. In early sobriety I think it is fine to not try and rush into social situations that may trigger drinking.
Now over time once you have a plan and some confidence things will be different and then I think developing an outside life is important.
I made the mistake of having no social life after about 3 some years sober and no support. While I was sober I was not in recovery. So eventually I failed thinking, is this it? Might as well have a drink.
So I will try a different approach this time.
Lot of good advice from folks. I need it.
Definitely not going into a bar anytime soon though.
Now over time once you have a plan and some confidence things will be different and then I think developing an outside life is important.
I made the mistake of having no social life after about 3 some years sober and no support. While I was sober I was not in recovery. So eventually I failed thinking, is this it? Might as well have a drink.
So I will try a different approach this time.
Lot of good advice from folks. I need it.
Definitely not going into a bar anytime soon though.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Today he evoked the idea that I am may becoming overly reliant on a virtual community and that I need to get back out in to the real world. "Go and meet up with your friends for a drink" he said. There you are.. the advice you get in my part of the world! He made me understand that from his perspective, it is not a good idea to surround myself with addicts, recovering addicts neither here nor at the "once a week AA" in my town. He even put me on my guard about me becoming addicted the internet. It must be said I do have an addictive personality and a colourful past of various addictions and excessive behaviour in the past from sex to shopping to sport to food to alcohol!
Not many people understand about online communities like this either and thats ok,
First off, addiction is not contagious, and addicts are not morally bankrupt - no more than the general populace anyway
Secondly, you're not 'surrounding yourself with addicts' - you're surrounding yourself with addicts in recovery. There's a big difference.
I understand the advice about returning to the real world and that's probably the part I can get on board with the most...but it needs to be when you feel ready for it.
This is not a race.
I worked up to it - I did a little volunteering, met friends for coffee dates or movies, picnics - anything not involving alcohol.
I know it's France but there must be other things to do other than meeting for a drinks in the bar
D
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
I second everything Dee said.
Is this the psychiatrist who specializes in addiction or is he a new guy?
Either way, doctors are human too. My psychologist pushed AA at me repeatedly despite my objections, dismissed the importance of RR as a community, and never once suggested medication for the anxiety and depression I told him I'd suffered from since early childhood. Basically, he thought I was overstating the case because I was in an active phase of both afflictions. Nevertheless, I got a lot of value out of the time I spent with him and made good progress in some areas. When that was tapped out, I realized (with more than a little help from my family) that it was time to move to the next step in my recovery. Once I get through that, I just may go back to him; who knows?
In my (limited) experience, psychologists don't tend to suggest medication because they can't prescribe it and their deal is to work on issues with a battery of non-chemical strategies. And that's ok. I haven't much experience with psychiatrists, but my sense is they are sort of on the other end of the spectrum - they try to find ways to balance out our chemistry with medication.
And that's ok too.
Both disciplines can be helpful as we both know. But ultimately, we are in charge of our own healing and we know ourselves better than anyone else does. I'm glad you are listening to your own warning bells. It's ok to disagree or only partially agree with your psychiatrist; he's limited just like the rest of us are.
Is this the psychiatrist who specializes in addiction or is he a new guy?
Either way, doctors are human too. My psychologist pushed AA at me repeatedly despite my objections, dismissed the importance of RR as a community, and never once suggested medication for the anxiety and depression I told him I'd suffered from since early childhood. Basically, he thought I was overstating the case because I was in an active phase of both afflictions. Nevertheless, I got a lot of value out of the time I spent with him and made good progress in some areas. When that was tapped out, I realized (with more than a little help from my family) that it was time to move to the next step in my recovery. Once I get through that, I just may go back to him; who knows?
In my (limited) experience, psychologists don't tend to suggest medication because they can't prescribe it and their deal is to work on issues with a battery of non-chemical strategies. And that's ok. I haven't much experience with psychiatrists, but my sense is they are sort of on the other end of the spectrum - they try to find ways to balance out our chemistry with medication.
And that's ok too.
Both disciplines can be helpful as we both know. But ultimately, we are in charge of our own healing and we know ourselves better than anyone else does. I'm glad you are listening to your own warning bells. It's ok to disagree or only partially agree with your psychiatrist; he's limited just like the rest of us are.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Sonoran Desert & Southeast Asia
Posts: 6,561
I availed myself of every tool I could in early recovery, but spent a lot of time on SR. I also went to AA meetings, and met with an addiction specialist (psychologist) every couple of weeks. I read a lot of books on addiction, and avoided bars and social events for several months.
It worked.
It worked.
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
If SR takes you away from real life, then you're probably using it too much. I find it supports me with ongoing sobriety and I've recommended it to my doctor for other patients because it's well moderated and sticks to what it knows.
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Originally Posted by Dee74
Meeting your friends for a drink is never advice that someone who knows anything about alcoholism will tell you
Not many people understand about online communities like this either and thats ok,
First off, addiction is not contagious, and addicts are not morally bankrupt - no more than the general populace anyway
Secondly, you're not 'surrounding yourself with addicts' - you're surrounding yourself with addicts in recovery. There's a big difference.
I understand the advice about returning to the real world and that's probably the part I can get on board with the most...but it needs to be when you feel ready for it.
This is not a race.
I worked up to it - I did a little volunteering, met friends for coffee dates or movies, picnics - anything not involving alcohol.
I know it's France but there must be other things to do other than meeting for a drinks in the bar
D
Not many people understand about online communities like this either and thats ok,
First off, addiction is not contagious, and addicts are not morally bankrupt - no more than the general populace anyway
Secondly, you're not 'surrounding yourself with addicts' - you're surrounding yourself with addicts in recovery. There's a big difference.
I understand the advice about returning to the real world and that's probably the part I can get on board with the most...but it needs to be when you feel ready for it.
This is not a race.
I worked up to it - I did a little volunteering, met friends for coffee dates or movies, picnics - anything not involving alcohol.
I know it's France but there must be other things to do other than meeting for a drinks in the bar
D
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 46
SR is just one tool to get support for recovery. It's good to have a whole toolbox of support. Can you go out with friends to do something that does not involve drinking? Maybe take the time to do some hobbies to get out of the house.
There is nothing wrong with trying a new Dr if you are not feeling comfortable or safe with his advice. Maybe try someone younger who understands online support is a good resource in between Dr office visits. You deserve to feel your best!
There is nothing wrong with trying a new Dr if you are not feeling comfortable or safe with his advice. Maybe try someone younger who understands online support is a good resource in between Dr office visits. You deserve to feel your best!
Last edited by Aurora7431; 01-24-2016 at 05:38 AM. Reason: Additional thought
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Nova Scotia
Posts: 801
For me healthy recovery (or one main aspect) is balance and to get that in my life I needed to establish boundaries and make them stick. Getting out is great, I do a lot of walking and hiking with my dog. When it came to meeting people I found a few in AA but a lot on Meetup.com, I joined a hiking group, pot luck supper group (yes some drink wine but being around it is not a trigger for me and I have never seen anyone drunk) as I love to cook, I tried a photography club etc. There are so many groups in my area, lots of chances to get out and do something healthy.
Andrew
Andrew
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