imaginebetterau

Hi all

So this seems very hard to type even on a forum such as this one, because I'm embarrassed about my drinking, but I am an alcoholic at the beginning of my journey to recovery.

I have always been a bit of a binge drinker on weekends but my drinking problem really started to deal with anxiety. I have Generalised Anxiety Disorder and depression, but after a very traumatic event (nearly died in an accident) I started drinking to cover up my feelings and anxiety.

I went from having a few wines at night to drinking three bottles a day every day for the last 18 months, sometimes more with vodka, beers, anything I can get my hands on really.

It's affected my relationship with my husband (I've cheated on him, yelled at him etc), my family, my friends , my work (I haven't lost a job but I struggle to keep up with my professional career when drunk at work) and my body (I've gained 20kg) . I've lied cheated and stolen and hurt a lot of people.

Now I'm starting the road to recovery, am seeing a psychologist but I'm really struggling with dealing with the guilt over all the things I've done and the people I've hurt. It makes me want to drink more to forget it all. Anyway, hope this forum is a good support for me.

sleepie

Hi imagine and welcome. Congrats on your wise decision to stop drinking.

Many of us weren't on our best behavior while drinking. There will probably be a period of regrets and sadness and shame while you are getting sober but with more time and sobriety you will be able to handle it. Surely your loved ones will appreciate the effort towards sobriety as well. After some time away from drinking, you'll probably be able to view things with more clarity and better handling of the situation.

But for now it will be crucial to just stay sober by any means necessary befreo yu can get to all that.

You can do this, it sounds like you took some great first steps.

BigP

Hello and welcome. You have come to the right place for support, The forum is like minded people who help each other live a happy sober life and you won't be judged here😊

You should let go of the things you done when you were a drunk as it wasn't the reel you. The fact you are here and accept you have a problem is a great start😊

Stay with SR and you will learn a lot about addiction and receive lots of help and encouragement. Nice to meet, have a nice sober evening.

loulou1981

Hi & welcome. We've all had similar stories to tell, so ur not on ur own. This place is great for support & advice. Pop over to the newcomers forum!!!!

biminiblue

I think a lot of us had unresolved trauma that was an initial reason for drinking. I then added on the additional trauma of drinking and its associated bad behavior. I had to stop hurting myself before I could recover from my past.

The way forward and out of it is continuous sobriety. I know my traumas are in the past and I don't have to live in fear and anxiety any more. I wish the same for you.

Dee74

Hi imaginebetter - welcome

I struggled with this too - different regrets but same problem.

I had to eventually accept I couldn't change anything that had happened before - but all was not lost - I had an excellent chance of doing the right thing today and somehow making a difference to my and maybe someone elses life..

The more I did with my today, the less my past bothered me.

I don't mean I forgot it or dodged responsibility for the things I did...but I did forgive myself, in time

I turned my focus forward not back.

I hope you'll find forgiveness for yourself too

D

doggonecarl

The guilt over your drinking makes you want to drink. How crazy is that? That's the insanity of alcoholism. You wouldn't listen to the rantings of a crazy person would you? Any thoughts of drinking is the insanity of your addiction. Don't listen to it.

As Dee said, guilt eases. But only by staying sober.

advbike

There's sobriety and there's recovery. Sobriety is just not drinking. But you still have all that stuff going on in your head. Regrets, embarrasment, guilt, shame, resentments, etc. I lived with that for a long time, even without a compulsion to drink, although many relapse over it.

A true program of recovery, like the AA 12 steps, or some others, will actually help you to find peace and serenity, and let go of past mistakes and worries of what the future will bring. A psychologist can't do that for you. Three years of counseling couldn't make a dent in my guilt and shame, but to my surprise, AA is helping. And he's the one who suggested it.