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2nd DUI.....

Old 01-30-2016, 04:00 PM
  # 41 (permalink)  
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Two words leap out at me...JAIL TIME.

Maybe you should go visit a jail and see what it's like...I guarantee two things. First, an AA meeting will be paradise by comparison and second, you're not going to be drinking in jail.

Why wouldn't you do everything possible to save something of your life and maybe avoid jail?
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Old 01-30-2016, 04:18 PM
  # 42 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by justinnn View Post
Well guys, just thought I'd give an update. Thanks for everyone commenting. MelindaFlowers, you hit the nail on the head. I do want to make drinking work. I enjoy it and everyone I know drinks. I just don't like the decisions I make when I have too many(which pretty much everytime I drink I have too many even on week nights...).

Anyway guys, I'm no longer all depressed and worried about this. I'm still scared of what's going to happen and potentially losing my job is a nightmare, but whatever happens happens. I just need to deal with it.

Biggest stress is trying to find a place to live that's close to work or has public transportation nearby. I actually got declined on an apartment a couple days ago and one of the reasons they gave me was because they suspected(and correctly suspected) that I recently got arrested for another DUI. I told them from the get go I had a DUI on my record and they said it was fine, but when they asked for my license I obviously don't have it and had to give them my temporary permit I was issued. They said there's no reason I would still be driving on that from a DUI in 2012 so obviously "there's more than one." Don't know why that matters though, I thought they were only looking for violent or drug crimes. I don't know.

Since my last post I've tried to stay sober, but relapsed twice. I went 4 days once then drank last Friday. Then didn't drink until a full week later... last night the temptations got me again . Now today I feel like **** and mad at myself for drinking. Totally wasn't worth it. It wasn't even fun. All I did was spend money to get high for a few hours and really didn't even enjoy it.

Still I'm proud of myself. Going 12 or so days and only drinking 2 nights... I probably haven't had that many sober days in the last 2 years combined. Hopefully I can stay strong this time... getting through Friday night seems to be an issue.

One last thing, I still haven't gone to AA. I just haven't been able to bring myself to do it. I've never been to a meeting and have no idea what's it like. Could some of you shed some light on your experiences there?
Congrats on the week, that's a start! Honestly, just go check out a meeting, you'll be far from the first person to walk in kinda scared and uncertain what it's all going to be like, but you won't know until you go, and gathering experiences from other people just delays what you know you ought to do, which is go to a meeting. So just go to a meeting and see.
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Old 01-30-2016, 04:19 PM
  # 43 (permalink)  
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Justinn, I was skeptical of AA myself (being a nonbeliever), but I've found that it is important to my recovery to have the support of people who have btdt. You don't have to speak if you don't want to.

I highly encourage you, and anyone else with similar misgivings, to set aside preconceived notions and give it a try.

Stay strong, brotha.
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Old 01-30-2016, 04:33 PM
  # 44 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by SoberinSyracuse View Post
So bottom line, you're still drinking. Justinn, may I ask you a pointed question? Do you care one whit about human life? Your own or anybody else's?

Because you obviously have chosen not to make your second DUI a turning point. You have chosen to continue to drink and if you do, I can promise you you'll drive drunk again, putting your life and other's lives at risk.

Two DUIs at age 26, and you still "want to make drinking work?"
It's more like I wish I could make drinking work. I wish I could be normal and only have 1 or 2. Not that I'm trying to do that because it's impossible. I know I have a problem and I am trying to deal with it. I don't know where you're getting off saying I'm not.

As far as caring about human life, what kind of question is that? It's not like I woke up that day and said "I'm going to get drunk tonight and then go drive and put lives at risk." Seriously?
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Old 01-30-2016, 05:17 PM
  # 45 (permalink)  
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Justinnn

I understand what you are saying. I don't think anybody decides to drink and drive on purpose. Good, caring people do this all the time. I think I'm a pretty good person, but I have driven drunk many times. I don't know how I could live with myself knowing I hurt or killed someone just because I ran out of liquor and needed to make a liquor run. For me, that's the ultimate in selfishness. I care a lot about human life and I'm sure you do to. But to be honest, the only thing I care about when I'm drunk is to keep on drinking and don't think about the consequences. It's not true that people that drive drunk don't care about others but to others that don't understand this, it can look that way. John
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Old 01-30-2016, 05:50 PM
  # 46 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by 2muchpain View Post
Justinnn

I understand what you are saying. I don't think anybody decides to drink and drive on purpose. Good, caring people do this all the time. I think I'm a pretty good person, but I have driven drunk many times. I don't know how I could live with myself knowing I hurt or killed someone just because I ran out of liquor and needed to make a liquor run. For me, that's the ultimate in selfishness. I care a lot about human life and I'm sure you do to. But to be honest, the only thing I care about when I'm drunk is to keep on drinking and don't think about the consequences. It's not true that people that drive drunk don't care about others but to others that don't understand this, it can look that way. John
Yeah, that's what I was getting at. I do care about people, but it is hard to expect a person to make sound decisions when under the influence of alcohol. You can pretty much talk yourself into anything in that state of mind.
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Old 01-30-2016, 05:58 PM
  # 47 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by justinnn View Post
Yeah, that's what I was getting at. I do care about people, but it is hard to expect a person to make sound decisions when under the influence of alcohol. You can pretty much talk yourself into anything in that state of mind.
That's why people like us just can't drink. Not even one. Really wish it wasn't that way, but it is. One drink, and I know for a fact that I will eventually drive drunk. Take care. John
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Old 01-30-2016, 06:35 PM
  # 48 (permalink)  
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Hey Justin,

Try putting alcohol and how it affects your life into a visual perspective.

Get a piece of paper, draw a line down the middle and label one side "How Alcohol Effected Positively" and the other "How Alcohol Effected me Negatively" then proceed to fill in the blanks over a couple days as different items come to mine.

It will give you a visual on why you should or shouldn't drink. When I ran out of things to write in after about a week there were 2 items on the positive side and the negative side was filled. The two positive items: helped me get the courage to walk up to two different girls that I got dates from in college whose names I can't even remember.

The negative side...DUI, lost job, car repossession from lost job, lost touch with friends and family, lost respect of co-workers, missed important events that would have moved my life forward and all for what? To sit in a bar with strangers that I don't even talk to anymore or sit at home alone drinking and playing video games.

The people that you're trying to make drinking work for right now probably won't even be in your life for the most part 5-7 years down the road.

You sound a lot like me 12 years ago. Do yourself a favor and realize you have a problem. It only gets worse if you don't.
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Old 01-31-2016, 08:44 PM
  # 49 (permalink)  
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Good job on not drinking for a few days. That's a good start.

If you call your local AA office - should be able to find it online - they'll likely find someone to meet you at a meeting. That might make it a little more appealing to you.
The meetings are very easy for first timers: there is no pressure at all to speak, share your story, etc. You can just listen. And, there is no cost to go. Try a couple of different ones - they all have a different vibe and feel to them. And, very likely, you won't be the only first timer there.

It sounds like your back is up against a wall and that never feels good. But, if you accept that you've used all your free passes and you simply cannot risk another alcohol related incident, giving up alcohol might be more palatable.
Please let us know how you are doing.
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Old 04-04-2016, 12:10 PM
  # 50 (permalink)  
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Just thought I'd give an update since I said I would.

Man reading back my posts I was so scared lol.

I'm doing alright so far though. I did continue to struggle with drinking for the next month or so since my last post. I was trying and doing OK at first, but as I got closer to my court date I kept talking myself into it like oh who cares they're going to send me to jail and put me on probation so I can't drink anyway after I get sentenced. I guess it was sort of like "might as well drink while I can" kind of thing. Plus my lawyer told me I had a very tough judge and pretty much made it sound like even if I did show up to court sober and having all these AA meetings under my belt it wouldn't have mattered, I don't know. They offered us a deal and he was kind of forcing me to just take it, saying I wouldn't get a better one. Who knows. Not a very good excuse. I should've stopped the day I got arrested, but oh well. It happened and it's over with now.

I got sentenced middle of last month. 20 days jail, 12 months probation, AA meetings, and the usual DUI school, fines, no drinking while on probation with random screenings, license suspended etc.

I have already served the jail time. They took me right from the courthouse to jail. It was tough, but I made it. Really puts life into perspective when you're in there. So many things in life you take for granted on the outside. The simple privacy to use the bathroom or shower, simply walking outside to breath fresh air, having clean clothes(they only changed uniforms twice a week and only washed your personal clothing like undershirts, boxers etc once a week and only if they were white.. my boxers were black so they couldn't wash them, I had to wash them in the sink with hand soap.....), etc. I think the biggest challenge was just not knowing what was going on in the outside. It's a strange feeling. They gave us TV but only certain periods of the day and it's on mute so you can't hear it anyway, you have to be able to read the captions. For instance I didn't know about the terrorist attacks in Brussels until a couple days later when I called my mom. I heard some inmates talking about some attack or something, but no one really knew exactly what happened.

Anyway, I'm out and ready for a fresh start. I'm sober now a little over 3 weeks thanks mostly to jail, but still. I have no desire to drink. Probably the best thing for me was to go to jail and experience that because I know if I slip up once whether it be failing an alcohol test or something and violating my probation, I'm going to be right back in there and be sitting in there for months. Not worth it. Drinking isn't worth it. Look at me. Drinking has gotten me nowhere in life. It has only made it worse. I'm 26 years old and already have 2 DUI's on my record.

I also was able to keep my job. My boss was surprisingly very understanding about the whole thing and basically just said I'll see you when you get back.. thank goodness. I still need to find another apartment that's closer to work and has better bus routes to get around though. We'll see.

Anyway, hope everyone is doing good.
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Old 04-04-2016, 12:33 PM
  # 51 (permalink)  
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Tough way to learn a lesson. But if you learned it, and can remain sober, then it was for the best.

Jail was the punishment, don't view sobriety as part II of the sentence.
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Old 04-04-2016, 12:40 PM
  # 52 (permalink)  
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Thank you for the update, justinnn.

I wish you the best moving forward.

Please don't hesitate to post , support can make all the difference.
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Old 04-04-2016, 12:51 PM
  # 53 (permalink)  
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Welcome back Justin, glad to hear you are sober and survived the jail time alright. Did you do AA meetings while you were in jail too? Even if they are mandated now i'd try and find some things you can use long term towards your sobriety - because believe it or not, the cravings will most likely come back - even after all that. And your probation/mandated testing will only last so long too - you will need to make a plan for what you'll do then.
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Old 04-04-2016, 02:33 PM
  # 54 (permalink)  
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Glad you're out! Also glad you still have your job, that's huge!

I met a guy in AA the other day, young guy in his 30's, good looking, smart. I was talking to him and he just got out of jail after serving 16 months for his 3rd DUI.. Lost his job, wife, custody of his kids, house etc.. Starting all over again..
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Old 04-04-2016, 02:54 PM
  # 55 (permalink)  
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Jail sucks a lot, glad you survived the experience and intend to do nothing that would send you back to that place. I was about ready to pull my hair out after 2 nights, all the crazy people and strange jailhouse culture and etiquette rules....
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Old 04-04-2016, 03:44 PM
  # 56 (permalink)  
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I was wondering how you were doing - I'm glad that's behind you. I hope you'll continue to post as you continue your journey. I'm sure you're very relieved.
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Old 04-05-2016, 07:17 PM
  # 57 (permalink)  
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Justin, if you quit now, you will be thanking yourself for the majority of your life!
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Old 04-05-2016, 10:58 PM
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justinnn, the worse part is over. Have you been to AA? If not, it's no big deal. The people are friendly and will have stories similar to yours. Some much worse. From here on out you get to write your own story. Make your story a good one not another nightmare. There are people here and in AA that will help you write it.

Best Wishs
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Old 05-27-2016, 09:16 PM
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Hey everyone...

Sorry I keep posting and running like this lol. I've been wanting to respond to some of your posts for a few weeks, but just never got around to it for whatever reason.

doggonecarl - That is good advice about not viewing sobriety as part 2 of the sentence. I'll be honest, it feels somewhat like a punishment to me right now and that's kind of scary. I feel like I'm not drinking because I can't as opposed to not drinking because I choose not to.

As for AA, yes I've been attending. It is part of my sentence so it is a must anyway. Been to many meetings now and one thing I always look forward to every time I walk in is just simply being around sober people. I don't really talk much in the meetings, but it's interesting hearing other peoples stories and what they're going through and what not.

Anyway.. as of today I'm now 73 days sober. It feels great to say that because I struggled to go even 1-2 days before. It hasn't really been as hard as I thought either. BUT.. there is always a but.. there are many things I still struggle with..

Lately I've actually been thinking more about alcohol. I'm beginning to realize how easy it would be to get away with drinking if I chose to. My random screenings I have aren't really that random.. last week I had my 1st one of the month(I get tested twice a month) and as I was about to leave she said ok you have 1 more this month so just come in some time next week. I said you're not going to call me? She said no just come in whenever. Lol.. so much for it being random. I went in first thing Monday morning and took it and easily could've drank that day if I wanted to. Hell I could probably do it right now if I chose to because I've already had my 2 tests this month and know for sure the soonest I could get tested would be June 1st on Wednesday.

I'm NOT going to drink, but it's kind of annoying that I do have windows open there each month where I could do it. And because of that I have thought about drinking more than usual lately. I worry I'm going to give in one of these months.

Another thing I still struggle with is finding things to do to replace alcohol. It's not a problem during the week because my days are so busy anyway, but my weekends can be a drag sometimes. Weekends were my prime drinking days so it's not a surprise I struggle with there.

I just wish I could live like a normal person lol. I don't want to think about alcohol. I guess that's part of the process though...

I had my court ordered alcohol evaluation earlier this week and they're making me do 18 counseling sessions. Honestly I look forward to them. I start on the 15th. It'll be nice to have that time each week to sit down and talk to someone I think.

Anyway enjoy your weekend guys!
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Old 05-28-2016, 08:50 AM
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I read your whole thread Justinn. 73 sober days is wonderful. I wish you the best in continuing your sobriety. What positive things have you noticed in your life from not drinking? Stay close to SR Justinn. It will motivate and inspire you to remain sober. I wish you the best.
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