may11

Hi everyone,

I'm actually really glad to be apart of this group. I'm officially 1 week sober and although it isnt long I am so proud of my progress. Let me tell you a little about myself.

I have been a "drinker" since I was 19 (I'm now 24). I found after my parents divorce it was something I could use to "mask" my pain. It first started with just going out every weekend and drinking heavily (only drinking weekends).. Then eventually I started to think "hey, if I can go out and enjoy myself and feel good like I do on the weekend when I'm drinking - why can't I do it now". I started to drink weekdays and I really enjoyed it. I have always been a "secret" alcoholic. I used To hide cask wines in my room and bring cups in and drink throughout the night. My family didn't pick up on this. I got into a serious relationship 4.5 years ago and I still kept drinking heavy, I would even hide it from my partner. I feel that the reason I hid it is because my mother was a severe aggressive alcoholic and I didn't want them to think I was like "her". It is now Saturday and this is the first Saturday in 5 years that I have not had a drink. My life was based around alcohol. I would think about it at work, I would base plans with friends/family around my drinking times. I sometimes would cancel plans or leave early due to going home to drink. I have always really known I have had a problem with drinking - but the problem with drinking is that it masks your feelings and at the time you don't think about the "next day" just the moment. I decided to become sober when my partner mentioned I become aggravated and angry with people at times after drinking heavily. I realized this is exactly what my mother was like (and she has lost everyone around her). I want to be happy, alcohol doesn't make me happy. There were many times I would cry while drinking saying "I'm not happy - this doesn't make me happy". I want to live a positive life. Tonight I had one of the best nights. I spent time with family and we goofed around and danced and had many laughs. It's times like this that help me realize I am on the right path. Can anyone offer me any tips to help with the "thoughts of drinking". I can't seem to stop thinking about it. Does life really get heaps better? Thanks :-)

trachemys

I think you've answered your questions. Congratulations.

Ionray

Hello to you and congratulations on your newfound sobriety. You are not alone. I was a "secret drinker" for many years and am now 2 years sober. Life does indeed get "heaps better" but as you alluded to, the thoughts of drinking still come. For example, I have reached a point where I am confident in my sobriety and it is no longer a struggle for me, but every now and then it crops up. Right before the holidays I started romanticizing how nice it used to be to share a bottle of wine with my wife and how sad it is that I can't do that anymore. Boo hoo, poor me.

As for advice, I have found strength in Rational Recovery and using the technique of AVRT (Addictive Voice Recognition Technique). You can read through a lot of material at the Rational Recovery website, but there is also a Rational Recovery book by Jack Trimpey. The book is highly critical of AA and 12-step recovery programs; I don't go as far as to throw my AA brethren under the bus, as AA has helped me and countless others, but I do find AVRT to be interesting and useful.

The principle of AVRT is that if you are committed to lifetime sobriety, then managing it is as simple as learning to recognize your AV (Addictive Voice) when it crops up, dissociate "you" from "it" and that "it" is not to be trusted, no matter how sweetly it may whisper in your ear. When you're having those thoughts of drinking again, that's your AV talking. I have found that just recognizing the AV greatly reduces its power and then it generally leaves me alone so I can get on with my sober life. YMMV.

Best of luck to you!
Ionray

Dropsie

May11,

The thing for me was, once I realised that I had a problem, even before I admitted it to myself, it was not fun anymore.

And the really sneaky thing about the AV (once you have one) is that it both tells you to drink, and then tells you what a terrible person you are because you drank.

What I have figured out is that once you have an AV, ones mental health requires one to stop because its like having the worst sociopath partner you ever had residing in your own head -- do this, or no your are terrible for doing this, do this, see how weak you are for doing this, and round and round it goes.

And once you decide you will never drink again no matter what, if it believes it, it will be quiet. Not at first because it won't believe you, but once it does.

JeffreyAK

Congrats on 1 week! In my experience, and the experience of just about everyone I've ever heard from in-person and on forums like this, is that life gets better in all ways. There are ups and downs, but that's what life is like, and if you run away and hide from the downs, you lose the ups too.

As for the thoughts, what seems to work for just about everyone is to distract yourself. How exactly you do this is up to you, some people spend lots of time in meetings and on forums, some people read books, you can build models, shop, work, listen carefully to music, write in journals, play with kids or pets, just about anything that takes your attention away from fixating on wanting to drink. It does go away, but 1 week is still very early - give it time, you spent years digging your way down into your hole, and it can take months to a couple years to full dig your way out again.

least

It takes some time, but yes, things do get a lot better.

Soberwolf

Welcome May

Hevyn

Great to meet you, May.

I'd give the world to go back to my 20's & do what you're doing. I went on for 30 yrs. pretending I could use willpower to control my drinking. Such a waste of life, energy, youth. Be proud of yourself for admitting you needed to stop, and for taking action.

may11

Thanks very much everyone such encouraging words!!