1st post here - Gave up booze...now what?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 2
1st post here - Gave up booze...now what?
What's up all!
Long story short, I've always been a 'social binge drinker'. I could go days without drinking without feeling withdrawn symptoms. I never was an 'all day drinker'.
However, I REALLY liked to party. I'm kind of like Frank the Tank from the movie Old School. I have an abnormally high tolerance for pounding down tons of shot and beers...and more shots and more beers. My identity for the last 15 years or so has pretty much been attached to 'party guy'.
Fortunately, I've never had any major disasters happen. I did have more blackout drunk nights then I can count though!
I'm sure you've all heard this a million times before...
Anyway, I just got done completing a 3-month test to see what my life would be like not drinking. I quit from Sept 1st to Dec 1st. I lost weight, felt better, took up new hobbies, hit the gym A LOT more, and overall just felt that the quality of my life was better.
My friends were way more excited then I was for December 1st to come. They wanted nothing more then for me to get SMASHED on that night. I didn't get smashed on that night, but I did slowly but surely begin slipping back into my old patterns. It didn't take long until I was back to drinking several nights a week again, and waking up with the all too familiar hangover and depression.
After a few botched opportunities with women (alcohol has always been both my liquid confidence AND biggest c***blocker), I've decided to go back to not drinking...How long will I go for? No clue. As of now, I'm just done for a while because I'm sick of not being able to find a quality woman...and when I do, I always get too drunk and f*** it up!
I happen to be be a professional musician, so I'm in bars 3 to 4 nights a week, and all my friends are big drinkers. I have the willpower to not drink, but I definitely miss it. I know that I'm better off without it though, and I really do enjoy looking at the leaner version of myself in the mirror...
My main problem is simply what to do now??
I try to still go out as often as possible, because otherwise I just sit at home playing on the Internet. But bars and parties simply aren't as fun while not drinking.
I also hit the gym a lot, and I took up quad riding and dirt biking. However, my social life without the booze just feels so bland. I'd love to find a cool girl or 2 to hang out with, but I dunno...I'm way less outgoing and every girl I meet seems to be a party girl type.
I know I'm all over the place here. I'll just leave it at that.
Anyway hello!
Long story short, I've always been a 'social binge drinker'. I could go days without drinking without feeling withdrawn symptoms. I never was an 'all day drinker'.
However, I REALLY liked to party. I'm kind of like Frank the Tank from the movie Old School. I have an abnormally high tolerance for pounding down tons of shot and beers...and more shots and more beers. My identity for the last 15 years or so has pretty much been attached to 'party guy'.
Fortunately, I've never had any major disasters happen. I did have more blackout drunk nights then I can count though!
I'm sure you've all heard this a million times before...
Anyway, I just got done completing a 3-month test to see what my life would be like not drinking. I quit from Sept 1st to Dec 1st. I lost weight, felt better, took up new hobbies, hit the gym A LOT more, and overall just felt that the quality of my life was better.
My friends were way more excited then I was for December 1st to come. They wanted nothing more then for me to get SMASHED on that night. I didn't get smashed on that night, but I did slowly but surely begin slipping back into my old patterns. It didn't take long until I was back to drinking several nights a week again, and waking up with the all too familiar hangover and depression.
After a few botched opportunities with women (alcohol has always been both my liquid confidence AND biggest c***blocker), I've decided to go back to not drinking...How long will I go for? No clue. As of now, I'm just done for a while because I'm sick of not being able to find a quality woman...and when I do, I always get too drunk and f*** it up!
I happen to be be a professional musician, so I'm in bars 3 to 4 nights a week, and all my friends are big drinkers. I have the willpower to not drink, but I definitely miss it. I know that I'm better off without it though, and I really do enjoy looking at the leaner version of myself in the mirror...
My main problem is simply what to do now??
I try to still go out as often as possible, because otherwise I just sit at home playing on the Internet. But bars and parties simply aren't as fun while not drinking.
I also hit the gym a lot, and I took up quad riding and dirt biking. However, my social life without the booze just feels so bland. I'd love to find a cool girl or 2 to hang out with, but I dunno...I'm way less outgoing and every girl I meet seems to be a party girl type.
I know I'm all over the place here. I'll just leave it at that.
Anyway hello!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 959
Well, hello! I'm not the one to ask about improving the social life, but my first thoughts were to just relax and enjoy the clarity and health without worrying too much about what to do.
Hoping someone else comes along with better suggestions!
Hoping someone else comes along with better suggestions!
Member
Join Date: May 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 740
Welcome, Bkelly!
"My main problem is simply what to do now??"
I guess it's all up to you. You have a chance to reshape yourself in any way you like. It is definitely possible to keep your music and not drink. I know there are lists of musicians who are sober and still rocking and enjoying it. I believe our own Dee is on that list.
Personally, I feel like I shed an old skin the way a snake does when I quit. I left pretty much everything behind and my new skin still feels a little strange even though I'm coming up on six months. I'm just starting over pretty much from 0. Bars and parties weren't fun anymore, so I'm finding new things to do. It's a bit of an exploration really. There are people who have managed to keep chunks of their old lives within their new sober lives. Again, how much of that depends on the individual.
Anyway, good luck with your own journey. Look forward to seeing your progress.
Delfin
"My main problem is simply what to do now??"
I guess it's all up to you. You have a chance to reshape yourself in any way you like. It is definitely possible to keep your music and not drink. I know there are lists of musicians who are sober and still rocking and enjoying it. I believe our own Dee is on that list.
Personally, I feel like I shed an old skin the way a snake does when I quit. I left pretty much everything behind and my new skin still feels a little strange even though I'm coming up on six months. I'm just starting over pretty much from 0. Bars and parties weren't fun anymore, so I'm finding new things to do. It's a bit of an exploration really. There are people who have managed to keep chunks of their old lives within their new sober lives. Again, how much of that depends on the individual.
Anyway, good luck with your own journey. Look forward to seeing your progress.
Delfin
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,438
I was a semi professional musician too .
There are sober guys around so it is possible (I still play)...sounds like you're still kinda in love with that whole party hearty scene tho?
I had to choose - stay the party animal and get no gigs cos I was too smashed to play, or ever get my shizz together....
or grow up and be a proper musician and forget the 'rock and roll wildman' BS.
I get it. It's like a teen movie when it's all going well.
I realise you still got a handle on things - I did too for ten years or so...
then the second ten years were a freakin' nightmare and I nearly lost my life not just my career.
I rediscovered the real me. There were a lot more layers there than the party animal dude. ...
I'm glad I did that
D
There are sober guys around so it is possible (I still play)...sounds like you're still kinda in love with that whole party hearty scene tho?
I had to choose - stay the party animal and get no gigs cos I was too smashed to play, or ever get my shizz together....
or grow up and be a proper musician and forget the 'rock and roll wildman' BS.
I get it. It's like a teen movie when it's all going well.
I realise you still got a handle on things - I did too for ten years or so...
then the second ten years were a freakin' nightmare and I nearly lost my life not just my career.
I rediscovered the real me. There were a lot more layers there than the party animal dude. ...
I'm glad I did that
D
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 1,130
I love music and I go to loads of gigs. I used to always drink at shows but I don't any more. That brings the following advantages.
1. I hear all the music and remember the experience
2. I don't get stuck in queues at the bar when the band's on
3. I save a lot of money because drinks in gig venues are expensive
4. I don't act in an annoying and selfish way when I'm in the crowd, which makes me a much nicer person to go to a gig with than a drunk person.
In fact, my two best gig-going buddies basically told me they wouldn't watch bands with me unless I stopped getting drunk. That was a while back - we do lots of shows sober now.
1. I hear all the music and remember the experience
2. I don't get stuck in queues at the bar when the band's on
3. I save a lot of money because drinks in gig venues are expensive
4. I don't act in an annoying and selfish way when I'm in the crowd, which makes me a much nicer person to go to a gig with than a drunk person.
In fact, my two best gig-going buddies basically told me they wouldn't watch bands with me unless I stopped getting drunk. That was a while back - we do lots of shows sober now.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,426
You meet party girls at party scenes
Perhaps your "quality girl" would be found elsewhere?
Why not get off the internet and try more time face-to-face
doing things with other people besides the bar and party cycle?
There are many quality women out there, you just have
to cultivate some interests that interest them too. . .
Perhaps your "quality girl" would be found elsewhere?
Why not get off the internet and try more time face-to-face
doing things with other people besides the bar and party cycle?
There are many quality women out there, you just have
to cultivate some interests that interest them too. . .
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 28
By the looks of it you probably don't have a problem with alcohol if it's a weekend thing but perhaps you just need to set some limits to stick with to avoid that miserable feeling of hangover and depression.
If you have NOT progressed into an all day,every day drinker after 15 years of doing what you doing then you most likely never will.
If you have NOT progressed into an all day,every day drinker after 15 years of doing what you doing then you most likely never will.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by Bkelly301 
My main problem is simply what to do now??
!
!
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ething-do.html
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Alcohol wasn't my problem, it was my solution to my problems.....In sobriety I am afforded the opportunity to work on my problems. At 19 months I am starting to recognize how far the ripples in the pond spread when I drank for many, many years. There is plenty of work to do for me on that daily.
Recently I have been given the opportunity to facilitate a weekly speaker meeting for a regional rehab center nearby, can' t wait to be involved with it!
My point is simply that what I found exciting while drinking I no longer care much about. I can empathize with you though as a musician and being around the party scene. My bother is a blues guitarist and sober for 12 + years. He is emphatic as many of us are that opportunities come in sober life that fill voids and we simply never envisioned.
Imagine, a run of the mill drunk like me facilitating speaker meetings and telling my story as well - remarkable. We simply have to stay sober long enough before we see results. Sure, the surface stuff is nice but recovery is very much more.
Recently I have been given the opportunity to facilitate a weekly speaker meeting for a regional rehab center nearby, can' t wait to be involved with it!
My point is simply that what I found exciting while drinking I no longer care much about. I can empathize with you though as a musician and being around the party scene. My bother is a blues guitarist and sober for 12 + years. He is emphatic as many of us are that opportunities come in sober life that fill voids and we simply never envisioned.
Imagine, a run of the mill drunk like me facilitating speaker meetings and telling my story as well - remarkable. We simply have to stay sober long enough before we see results. Sure, the surface stuff is nice but recovery is very much more.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 2
Thanks for the replies all!
Ya I dont think there's any other 'regulars' that 100% don't drink. During my 3 month test, I got questioned A LOT... Why are you doing it? Is it hard? Why only 3 months? Etc.
I'm more then just a weekend warrior. I go out weeknight sand drink often too, because that's where my social life takes places...in bars. I wouldn't say that I ALWAYS get smashed, but I definitely would say that at least 1/3 times that I drink, my goal is to get really f***ed up!!!
I just really like the taste of a nice cold beer. However, Ive found that drinking is like smoking cigs to me. I can't just smoke a cig every once in a while. I'm either a "smoker" or a "non-smoker". It's the same with drinking. I've found that, so long as I allow myself to drink "sometimes", I'm still gonna be dealing with the 1/3 of the time getting hammered, 1/3 of the time just getting a relaxing buzz, and 1/3 of the time just having a beer or 2. That's how I function as "a drinker".
But I just really like being in better shape, and always waking up clear headed. I also get this weird feeling that girls are more attracted to me when Im sober. However, I'm less aggressive due to the lack of my trusty liquid courage.
I'll check out the linked thread, and Im sure I'll figure it out along the way. Thanks for the replies...great forum!
Ya I dont think there's any other 'regulars' that 100% don't drink. During my 3 month test, I got questioned A LOT... Why are you doing it? Is it hard? Why only 3 months? Etc.
I'm more then just a weekend warrior. I go out weeknight sand drink often too, because that's where my social life takes places...in bars. I wouldn't say that I ALWAYS get smashed, but I definitely would say that at least 1/3 times that I drink, my goal is to get really f***ed up!!!
I just really like the taste of a nice cold beer. However, Ive found that drinking is like smoking cigs to me. I can't just smoke a cig every once in a while. I'm either a "smoker" or a "non-smoker". It's the same with drinking. I've found that, so long as I allow myself to drink "sometimes", I'm still gonna be dealing with the 1/3 of the time getting hammered, 1/3 of the time just getting a relaxing buzz, and 1/3 of the time just having a beer or 2. That's how I function as "a drinker".
But I just really like being in better shape, and always waking up clear headed. I also get this weird feeling that girls are more attracted to me when Im sober. However, I'm less aggressive due to the lack of my trusty liquid courage.
I'll check out the linked thread, and Im sure I'll figure it out along the way. Thanks for the replies...great forum!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 89
Stay focused. I recently quit also. 35 days sober. What i continue to focus on is how great it is not to wake up with hangovers and how i can actually remember things i had done the night before. Stay strong. You can do this.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 113
Can you build a new social life that's separate from your professional life?
Parties that revolve around drinking are never going to be much fun if you're not drinking. Nor is socialising with heavy drinkers. So it sounds like you need to socialise differently, but it needs to be something that you'll enjoy for it's own sake. Something that suits your personality.
It sounds like things you enjoy - gym, quad riding and dirt biking - are very active but maybe don't have a built-in social element while actually doing them. Can you do some physical activities that are sociable in themselves? Maybe a team sport or an activity you can do with a group?
I know a lot of groups will end up having a drink together at the end. But the point isn't usually to get drunk, and hopefully if you simply tell people you don't drink they'd respect that and it would be no big deal on either side. If they're into fitness they might not be big drinkers anyway.
Parties that revolve around drinking are never going to be much fun if you're not drinking. Nor is socialising with heavy drinkers. So it sounds like you need to socialise differently, but it needs to be something that you'll enjoy for it's own sake. Something that suits your personality.
It sounds like things you enjoy - gym, quad riding and dirt biking - are very active but maybe don't have a built-in social element while actually doing them. Can you do some physical activities that are sociable in themselves? Maybe a team sport or an activity you can do with a group?
I know a lot of groups will end up having a drink together at the end. But the point isn't usually to get drunk, and hopefully if you simply tell people you don't drink they'd respect that and it would be no big deal on either side. If they're into fitness they might not be big drinkers anyway.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: deepest england
Posts: 1,119
Sounds like a familiar dilemma ... what I found interesting was that u got questioned a lot. I think more people are worried about their drinking than we think. It's not all carefree. . It takes its toll .. some people are afraid to stop, afraid all their friends will disappear and so will the so called fun. Maybe they wanted to question you to help them decide... to see what happened to you, to see if they wanted or even could join you. You could be the start of something....
Introspectator
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Michigan
Posts: 121
Originally Posted by leviathan
Professional musician playing in bars...Ouch. Do you no anyone in your occupation on the sober train? That cannot be an easy go alone.
Introspectator
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Michigan
Posts: 121
Bkelly
Welcome to SR. I can tell you what I am doing to fill the time (that I never had while drinking,) and that is, I have been back to the woodshed and am playing better than I ever have before. I am a drummer/ vocalist. I am enjoying my drums so much I think about it all the time. No way was I ever going to play the stuff I do now when I was on the bottle. Practice stuff that you can't play. Stay sober comrade.
Introspectator
Welcome to SR. I can tell you what I am doing to fill the time (that I never had while drinking,) and that is, I have been back to the woodshed and am playing better than I ever have before. I am a drummer/ vocalist. I am enjoying my drums so much I think about it all the time. No way was I ever going to play the stuff I do now when I was on the bottle. Practice stuff that you can't play. Stay sober comrade.
Introspectator
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