Sponsorship
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: too close to the fire
Posts: 173
Sponsorship
I found out that my sponsor is behaving immorally on a regular basis. She actually (selfishly) talked with me about this I believe only to relieve her guilt to some degree.... It took me a long time before I was able to look at this with objective eyes....I know now she is as I is only human, and I can not have expectations of her.
However, I realistically, I can not confide in her about certain things any longer.... and I have lost some respect I wonder if I am alone?
However, I realistically, I can not confide in her about certain things any longer.... and I have lost some respect I wonder if I am alone?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: ohio
Posts: 3,615
Personally I think it's part of sponsorship to disclose some of the stuff we did while drinking. It helps another alcoholic understand they aren't alone, that they are understood.
But if she's telling you stuff that's happening now, or burdening you with her stuff, no I don't think that's ok. Not at all.
But if she's telling you stuff that's happening now, or burdening you with her stuff, no I don't think that's ok. Not at all.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
A personal relationship with anyone is based in trust, a sponsor/sponsee relationship is no different. If you cannot trust this particular person or you have large differences in your personal beliefs/views then I'd consider finding a different sponsor.
Last edited by ScottFromWI; 01-07-2016 at 01:44 PM.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
she respects and trusts you enough to be honest with you about her shortcomings. you should respect her for that.
have you been looking up to her or across at her?
shes sober, not perfect.
"talked with me about this I believe only to relieve her guilt to some degree.... "
instead of assuming you know why, ask her. sit down and talk to her about how this makes you feel. not by text or phone.
sit down and talk with her.
have you been looking up to her or across at her?
shes sober, not perfect.
"talked with me about this I believe only to relieve her guilt to some degree.... "
instead of assuming you know why, ask her. sit down and talk to her about how this makes you feel. not by text or phone.
sit down and talk with her.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Am I the only person intrigued to know what 'immoral' activities she's been up to??
And, does SHE consider the action immoral? Like, is it something that could be considered immoral by some people but not others? Like, one person might think hunting foxes is immoral, while another person doesn't?
The way I see it, is my sponsor doesn't have to agree with every moral stance I take. As long as she can guide me through the steps, and be a sounding board for me when I'm trying to work something through. Now, I wouldn't go in for being a prostitute myself, but if I had a good sponsor, who was working a good recovery, and making progress ('we are not saints...' and 'progress not perfection' spring to mind), and is sticking to the principles of AA, then I wouldn't think it any of my business if I found out that was how she was funding her kids school fees.
I suppose we're all different though, and if it upsets you that much I suppose you need to have a proper talk with her about it.
And, does SHE consider the action immoral? Like, is it something that could be considered immoral by some people but not others? Like, one person might think hunting foxes is immoral, while another person doesn't?
The way I see it, is my sponsor doesn't have to agree with every moral stance I take. As long as she can guide me through the steps, and be a sounding board for me when I'm trying to work something through. Now, I wouldn't go in for being a prostitute myself, but if I had a good sponsor, who was working a good recovery, and making progress ('we are not saints...' and 'progress not perfection' spring to mind), and is sticking to the principles of AA, then I wouldn't think it any of my business if I found out that was how she was funding her kids school fees.
I suppose we're all different though, and if it upsets you that much I suppose you need to have a proper talk with her about it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: too close to the fire
Posts: 173
Infidelity with a married man., on going for a very long time.
This is about my making sound judgement regarding the matter.
Can my sponsor be behaving "honestly" as STEP 1 requires!!
I will let go of this and let God.
I do not have to Accept it though.
This is about my making sound judgement regarding the matter.
Can my sponsor be behaving "honestly" as STEP 1 requires!!
I will let go of this and let God.
I do not have to Accept it though.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
I recently left a twenty year friendship with a woman who I found out was having a long-term affair. It not only crushed her family, but the women in her circle of friends all abandoned her in the aftermath.
It's just so painful to be around that kind of betrayal.
If it were my sponsor, I'd tell her I was done with the relationship.
It's just so painful to be around that kind of betrayal.
If it were my sponsor, I'd tell her I was done with the relationship.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 3,163
At this point in your life, you need to be selfish.
What is better for you?
Your name implies that you know this, but I do not know what is really better for you, only you know that.
I would not dump her but for all the wrong reasons -- figure out what is best for your sobriety, and then do that.
What is better for you?
Your name implies that you know this, but I do not know what is really better for you, only you know that.
I would not dump her but for all the wrong reasons -- figure out what is best for your sobriety, and then do that.
Redmayne
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Manchester, England, UK.
Posts: 1,543
Personal qualities to look for in a sponsor.
I've written a more expanded thread on my suggestions on my thread of the same title as this post, personally speaking I'd suggest the following personal qualities are required in a sponsor...
Integrity
Compassion
Courage
Common sense
As Marcus Aurelius said,'Waste no time philosophising what a good man should be, be a good man!'
Tonm which I hasten to add, I include members of the fairer sex , who often have more of these deeply ingrained qualities than their counterparts...
Integrity
Compassion
Courage
Common sense
As Marcus Aurelius said,'Waste no time philosophising what a good man should be, be a good man!'
Tonm which I hasten to add, I include members of the fairer sex , who often have more of these deeply ingrained qualities than their counterparts...
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