Hawk07

My dog, Zoe, was diagnosed with a very serious heart murmur this week. They categorize heart murmurs on severity in a scale of 1-6 and she's at a 5/6. I brought her in because she was coughing a lot on walks and just seemed so tired and off. I thought maybe she caught a bug but this is so much worse

I've had her for 10years since she was a puppy so this is very hard for me to digest. The vet said there are medications we can put her on to make it easier on her heart but we'd be lucky to see her live another year. I just got sober a little over year ago and was an active alcoholic since I adopted Zoe.

I'm overwhelmed with guilt and sadness now. It's hard for me not to blame myself in some way for this. Would this be happening now if I had taken her for more walks? Given her more attention? Paid more attention to her diet? Sometimes I would buy her the cheapest food because my addiction was priority
What a great start to the new year. Has anyone else suffered guilt over how they treated a pet during their addiction? How do you move past this and forgive yourself?

I'm going to create a bucket list for Zoe full of fun and exciting things for us to do together. I'll focus on making the best of what time she still has.

nools

I'm sorry to hear this. Sounds like he is your best friend indeed.

Fabat50

Ah, I am so sorry.But please don't feel guilty.

You have given Zoe a home, warmth, food and most importantly human contact and love for 10 years. That is more than dogs need to be happy. Much of the stuff about top brand foods etc is hype. This is absolutely not your fault , heart murmours are usually genetic.

My own dog has probably had an up and down time with me through my own addiction. Including having to spend time in kennels when I was in the clinic. But dogs have short memories and forget and forgive easily. A nice walk, a long tummy rub and some dried liver and you have their heart!

This is probably a normal stage in terms of adapting to your new sobriety. Looking back over the past and questioning things you did or should not have done. But you can have a clean conscience with Zoe I promise.

And hopefully you will still have time to do some lovely things with her. But remember she doesn't need any big projects. She just needs you.

Well done on your first year clean and sober!!!!!!!

least

Yes, I felt guilty about the slip shod care I gave my animals when I was drinking. Didn't get many walks, and dinner was often late due to being passed out in the early evening.

The way I forgave myself is by vowing never again to drink so I will be able to give them the best care now that I'm sober.

I am sorry to hear the news about Zoe. Spend all the time you can with her. You've given her a good life.

JD

I'm so sorry to hear that. I don't think anyone can tell you that the murmur had anything to do with the care you gave the dog. Don't beat yourself up about it.

Our dog just had its spleen and a ruptured tumor removed on Mon.. I know what you're going through when the reality of mortality hits you.

Hawk07

Thank you everyone. If anything this strengthens my resolve to stay sober, throughout what time my dog has left and beyond in honor of her. All that wasted time, most of Zoes life being drunk or passed out. Of course it was also much more than just Zoe that I missed out on in life during that time. This last year of sobriety has been great. Especially with Zoe my constant companion for 10 years. That's part of the reason it's hitting me so hard. I wish I could have more sober time with my faithful little friend!

JD I'm so sorry to hear about your dog. Facing the reality that we will outlive our beloved pets is always hard.

Dee74

I'm sorry Hawk - thats sad news.
Heart murmurs happen tho - they're not really caused by anything we owners do.

You've worked hard to get well. I'm sure Zoe is thrilled.
You're a kind and loving owner and Zoe has I'm sure a wonderful home and a wonderful life.

D

MIRecovery

You can not control the past. It is over and done. You can not control the future because it has not come.

When my daughter and my dog (profile picture ) were dieing of cancer I chose to live in the now and enjoy every second I was granted.

We simply don't know what the future holds but staying sober will make sure we will never be that person again

aussieblue

I am sorry about your dog, I am sure you will enjoy some great times together in the future though.

fini

i like the bucket list idea, though i'm convinced the dogs don't care or remember today about the extra great park we went to yesterday.
make the bucket list for yourself and what you'll enjoy and Zoe is bound to be happy with a happy Hawk.
i'm sorry about the news; i have a 10-year old lab/shep/hound cross with some concerning lab results and know the feeling.

there is the concept of "living amends", which sounds like another way of saying yes to quality time ahead without spending it on useless guilt about the past.

soberclover

Zoe,don't beat yourself up. Focus on the now. My dog, ironically, is experiencing the same but with an added dose of kennel cough despite having got the vaccination. My dog and I are super connected in my recovery too. I know his time will come and I will honor him by continuing my recovery journey. I try to stay focused on today with him just as I do in my own recovery...focusing on one day at a time is much easier than spending too much time in the past or looking to far in to the future.

Don't forget to take care of yourself too Hawk.

jessie65

So sorry about your dog Hawk.
I'm sure it is nothing you did or didn't do, 10 years old isn't young, she's a senior.

My dog is 8 now but she had a murmur for the first 6 years of her life, and then it just disappeared. We had gotten lots of tests done too and they didn't think it would cause her problems but oh my did I worry, for years actually, she's my best friend.

Try not to worry too much ( they pick up on your mood!) It sounds to me like Zoe has a wonderful, loving home.