Entertainning the thought of drinking
 

Entertaining the thought of drinking ?
We should not be doing that.
For, I learned long ago that if I entertain the thought of drinking for long,
I will end up with a drink in my hand.

Many years ago I had close to three years of sobriety.
Each day after work I would drive by the Round Up Bar.
I had heard mentioned often in AA meetings regarding the Round Up.
On day one as I passed the RU I started to think about one drink.
I didn't stop.
On day two as I passed by I thought, yes maybe just a couple.
I didn't stop.
On day three at the last minute I turned into the RU parking lot.
Got out of my car and walked in before even giving it a thought.
Then I ordered a tall beer and a double margarita.
I hadn't even played out in my mind what the consequences might be.
Without letting a minute pass by once seeing the two drinks in front of me.
I drank them down as quickly as possible.
Yes, once more I had returned to run with the liquid devil.

Since this last time sobering up 8 years ago,
I have not even once entertained the thought of drinking.
For a man or woman is what they thinkith.
M-Bob

Thank you.

True for a lot of things in life, good and bad ! Best to spend your time imagining yourself doing good things.

Thanks, MMB, for your story and wise words of warning.

Occasionally alcohol will call to me but it's voice is without power. More of pathetic plea in a hushed tone. It tries to convince me this time will be different and I just laugh at it and say, "Sorry but you have screwed me one too many times for me to ever believe your lies again."

Scared me when I read the thread subject and saw who posted it. As usual, MountainMan, you are drawing our minds to sober progress. Thanks.

Good, Che.

Excellent food for thought!

Excellent post Bob

The old "sober toolbelt"
 

Trying to keep these things fresh on my mind.
And pick up any more sober tools that I may find.
Or ones like you may share with me.
Have a blessed sober day,
M-Bob

Thanks, Bob!

Powerful message!!

AV scared me! Mine still calls out to me quite often. "Maybe you're not really alcoholic! Maybe you just drank too much as a coping skill. You've been sober 9 months...you can have a couple of drinks. It isn't fair that others can drink and you can't." OMG shuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut uppppppppppp!

Great post. I finally have arrived at that point where I fully understand, no matter what comes my way - pain or pleasure, fortune or adversity, or just plain old boredom - I know without a shadow of a doubt I can never safely drink alcohol again. That's a good place to be. :)

Putting in place -- A whole lot of good working sober tools.
 

Not sure why but, that reminds me of a time in which I was sitting in an AA meeting many, many years ago.

A grumpy "AA Old Timer" sitting next to me stated that,
"once most get their families, jobs and homes back together
they will once more return to the drink
thinking to themselves, oh yes it will be different this time around."

I'll tell you what, his statement made really wissed me off.

As I look back I guess that I see where
the old guy was right (at least in my case).

So what's it take?
A (whole lot) of good working sober tools.

M-Bob

I think I'm getting here too. I'm not overly confident in this as yet, but it is what I have now started to believe about me. Feels both grown up and calming.

great thread!
xx

Anytime the thought even enters my head (which is very seldom), I just think back to my Day 1, lying in the ER with an IV stuck in me, thinking I was going to die...that does it for me:)

Great post MM. I am with you on that.

I have found that I cannot entertain those occasional thoughts of drinking, or I am in trouble. I simply banish them as "not an option", and they go away. Contemplating a drink, or "playing the tape forward" doesn't work for me because my drinking did not result in ruinous consequences. For me it has to be about the better life I have now, and not wanting to waste the years I have left.

Once sober and at a wedding reception I entertained the thought of drinking while watching those around me drink within minutes I had two Heineken beers sitting in front of me that was the end of three years of sobriety.
Mountainmanbob

Mountain Man,

You are so right, as usual (must get boring).

Something triggers me to think about drinking, most recently a need to interact with my sociopath Ex.

I am blessed that it does not happen too often, but when it does, I first need to take drinking off the table as something I just don't do, and then address whatever caused it to come on the table in the first place. But first, drinking off the table.

The catch for me is that my opinion, for what its worth, is that the drive to drink is just one of many self destructive behaviours I have and to be at peace requires accepting that.

So I don't get mad at my AV, I just tell it that I am not drinking.

Then I take an honest look at what caused the visit. The key for me is honesty. With myself. Something I have never been good at. Because it creates vulnerability. Another bad thing for me. Even vulnerability to myself.

Until I realised that I have always compared myself to an ideal, not to Dropsie.

So now, when the AV comes to call, I first take drinking off the table, then I take a hard look at what is bothering me, honestly, and try to give up what I don't need anymore, and do the best thing for Dropsie's peace of mind.

Thats the plan anyway.

But what is nonnegotiable is to take drinking off the table before it gets cosy there. Because once it becomes an option, bad things happen.

I loved your point about drinking the first drinks fast when we are breaking our sobriety -- like breaking a diet, and then we say now that I have drunk why not keep going. We all do it -- what are we two???

My benders always started with the first drink which was always taken without any thought of the consequences.

Today the thought of taking a drink never occurs to me. This is possibly the hardest thing to understand about step based recovery. True freedom from alcohol means that alcohol has no influence on my life or my decisions. I don't drink it, it doesn't control where I can go, it has just been removed from the picture. It hasn't occurred to me to entertain drinking. This is the AA miracle.

In the tenth step promises it says in part " ...we will find that this has happened automatically. We will see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes! That is the miracle of it."

I was so surprised, three months in and doing my best with the steps, working on 9, when my sponsor rang me and told me I had been sober three months. I literally had no idea! I had never been able to stay sober that long. Then I realised that in all that time I hadn't wanted or needed a drink. God had actually done for me what I couldn't do for my self. It just came, and the drink problem was gone.