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Im just not sure

Old 12-30-2015, 11:35 PM
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Im just not sure

nevermind
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Old 12-30-2015, 11:41 PM
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Tough questions, notsure. And I'm notsure how to answer them for you. I will send you my hello and welcome.
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Old 12-30-2015, 11:50 PM
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Hi notsure

I think people can definitely be alcoholic without drinking everyday, but only you can decide if it's a problem or not.

I'm not sure what you do because you haven't said, but I've been a hard worker in all my various careers working 10-12 hours a day...sometimes more.

I started drinking where I could to relax...eventually I found myself drinking nightly after a while, even though I really couldn't either, but I found I needed to...

I also found myself saying I needed to drink because of a stressful phase I was in, or a difficult relationship.

There was always a perfectly reasonable excuse for my drinking, at least to begin with.

The problem was I came to rely on it so much.

Have you tried no drinking at all for like say 3 months? That may help you decide whether it's an issue or not.?

D
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Old 12-31-2015, 01:01 AM
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Originally Posted by notsure7 View Post
nevermind
Welcome and if you`re not sure? No problem.

Looking at my own drinking history there were signs fairly early something was amiss. And what I mean by signs is I would occasionally wake up not remembering what I did the night before.

Not a lot but around that time some friends and co-workers began to notice and comment on my drinking. Looking back by age 25 my drinking was well on its way to becoming a serious problem.

But I was young and could put up a great front.

So, my friends, employers and family members bought my act for another good five years.

By 30 the drink was out of the bag so to speak but it took me another five years before I was willing to at least contemplate the thought of seeking help.

Mind you I wasn`t thinking about stopping I was just willing to go to an AA meeting. Just check it out.

But this is only because I was coming in for a crash landing. My girlfriend had walked out, I was about to get fired again, my savings depleted and had started to buy hash in a country were the drug laws are serious. All bad news and all so obvious that even I began to see it.

So I went to an AA meeting and sat at table with about eight members on a Saturday night back in 1993. And that was that. I haven`t had a drink or drug since.

To be honest I really don`t know what to make of it but that`s what happened.
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Old 12-31-2015, 01:46 AM
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I wasn't sure either. And my OH still drinks like a fish, staggers home and tells me he's not an alcoholic and I wasn't either. Whatever.

I wasn't sure how all this stopping one addictive / compulsive behaviour for another kept happening.

I still wasn't sure after I'd stopped for a month and thought I was going insane without my old crutch to help me wind down as soon as work finished for the week and til I have to get back to it on Monday.

I wasn't sure even when I walked in the doors of AA after being sober for a month, (suffering from washing-machine head and just wanting to wail and melt into a soggy puddle of despair), and really expected them to laugh my arse out of the room because I wasn't an alcoholic. What I found were people who told me I probably was. And to stay sober a day at a time and keep coming back.

I wasn't sure, even when I started going to meetings regularly and listening to how others thought and felt, and thinking 'how did they get in my head?'; and when others experiences tallied with some of my own.

I wasn't sure even when I started to feel that life was pointless without alcohol to cushion me. And when I was going to bed praying that I could just never wake up again. That something could take away these feelings.

I wasn't sure, even when my boss referred me for counselling and I couldn't bring myself to be honest with the counsellor about lots of stuff. Over the weeks I visited and wove a web of deceit (just like the one I wore as my wonder woman cape every day and in every situation). And again when I went to the Doctors and couldn't be honest with him. And when I realised that even my best friends only knew a small % of some of the things I'd done and thought, because I kept myself and my actions hidden from them.

Then one day I was sure. I knew what I needed to do. I finally fully conceded to the fact that I had a problem with alcohol and other addictive behaviour. (This was 6 months into sobriety by the way). That day I got a sponsor and started working the 12-steps. Now my perspective and how I experience my life has altered so much, and I am content and genuinely looking forward to another year ahead, without alcohol.

Sometimes we don't know how ill we are until we start to get better. Talk about a vicious circle hey.

On an Earl Hightower tape I listened to recently, someone asked him "what if I give up alcohol, and later find I didn't need to."
EH laughed and said something like, "With respect, a 'normal' person wouldn't find it necessary to ask that question. If you're not alcoholic and stop drinking, then all you've missed is a few drinks. Big deal. If you're an alcoholic, and you stop drinking, then you'll have missed out on lots more drinks. BIG deal."

If you've come here (even just to express that you're confused about whether you are or are not; whether you should or should not) then you are someone who has more to lose by continuing to drink like you are, than you have by getting sober, and working a program of recovery where you can learn to be comfortable in sobriety. Your AV (addictive voice) will be telling you all sorts of stuff to convince you not to stop, and to justify your drinking (you deserve a drink; what about your drinking friends - they NEED you; no-one will like you sober; you get all your best ideas when you've had a few drinks; maybe if you just changed what / where / who with etc....; but he / she drinks more than me, it's THEM that's got a problem; but I manage to do X Y Z; but nobody else says I've got a problem; I need to celebrate a win / a birthday / an annivesary / a promotion; I need to commiserate a death / my team losing / not getting a promotion; it's great weather for a beer; it's rubbish weather and I need cheering up; I'm bored; I've got too much to do; I've got money to spend; I'm skint, poor me.... (I could go on) . Don't listen to it - it's a liar. They all are. None of those things are improved or made easier with excessive drinking.
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Old 12-31-2015, 03:57 AM
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I am starting again here. The last time I felt that everyone was worse than me because they drank every day or had a DUI or something that I didn't do. At time I still feel that way but I realize after 30 years that my relationship with alcohol is the problem. It's how I feel about it.

If I really get honest I realize that I have done a lot of things in the last 10 years that I would have done 20 years ago. Driving drunk with my kids, hiding booze, being loaded in front of my kids, lying a lot to everyone myself included.

As time continues your rational thoughts are constantly overtaken.

We all know deep inside what our relationship is with the drug we choose. You just have to listen to that voice and believe it.
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Old 12-31-2015, 04:21 AM
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Welcome NotSure
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Old 12-31-2015, 05:13 AM
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Some amazing and informative responses to a one word arrival, wow! And many many thanks to those who've shared their own confusion, so helpful to me.
I'm with you all on this, nine months in and I'm certain now (for the first time)that I'm an alcoholic. That's ok, I'm working on it.
xx
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Old 12-31-2015, 04:33 PM
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Welcome to the Forum Notsure!!
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Old 01-02-2016, 06:26 PM
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One thing I am sure of , I can never drink again. What a relief.
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