First sober break up, yeahhhh ouch.
 

Finally ended my long, dysfunctional relationship tonight. I've soft-ended it a few times now but this time was the full deal.

I'm proud of myself because I said "this is what I need if I'm going to stay in this," and he said he couldn't manage it, so I said OK then this can't continue. I know that was the right thing to do, and I'm not sure if I've ever done it before in any relationship, even when I really, really should have.

But it hurts. A lot. We've been long distance for a few months now, so thankfully that takes the sting out a little... but it also makes it surreal and I know it's going to take a while to sink in.

Well, *puts on helmet* here I go, off on an exciting ride through sober emotions! I hate this amusement park.

You did something really good for yourself, fantail, even though it's painful. Good for you for taking care of yourself!!

Delfin

Hi fantail. I know that you can handle this, we are here if you need :hug:
That was a brave thing to do.

Hang in there fantail! :-)

(((((Fantail))))))

If the relationship isn't what you need and hasn't been for a long time, yeah it's time to close that door.

Bigger and better things await you. I truly believe that, because the promises worked for me.

Go ahead and ride those emotions, girl. It sucks for a while, it does. But the cool thing is when you get through the feelings, they are worked through and processed. When we drink down our feelings they don't go away or get better because we haven't dealt with them. They pop up when they please like emotional whack a mole. The only way to get through it is to feel and know that this too shall pass.

Hi fantail, I know you have been considering this for a while and I bet it wasn't an easy thing to do. Good on you for making the right decision, albeit a hard one. I'm proud of you!

It sounds like a step forward fantail - best wishes to you and for you :)

D

Were with you all the way Fantail :grouphug:

Well done--nothing changes if nothing changes.

You can get through this and now you will have room in your life
for a partner who truly meets you needs when you are ready :)

Fantail, I agree, emotions suck! Remember when we didn't have any? Uh, no, actually I don't... I don't remember anything much from back then. Hmmm. Except, oh yeah, there was a ton of self-loathing.

So, congratulations on a) having real emotions! b) taking responsibility for your needs and desires c) being honest and straightforward in difficult times.

Yay Fantail! :You_Rock_

Thanks everyone. It feels good to have someplace to say it. (IRL friends would mostly be like "Wait, when did you get back together with that jerk??!!" because we had a big long drunk breakup a while back). And it feels good to have encouragement.

Especially when this is kind of me right now:

Wehav, you're right about processing. The drunk breakup was like Groundhog's Day. I never dealt with my feelings, they never got less intense, and so it was just easier to get back together after it all.

This time I feel ready to get sober from the guy. Day 1. So far so good... sad but also relieved somewhat. In practice I haven't been getting much from the relationship for a long time. So on the day to day there's not much of a change. It's just a different landscape of hope. Different things to hope for.

I've lost so, so much in the last couple of years. And rather than feel like I'm at my breaking point with loss, I feel like I know how to survive it now. I hope. As far as real sobriety goes, I'm raising all alert systems to high and just going to focus on keeping my good progress going no matter what the feelings start doing.

Haha, yeah... waking up in the morning and thinking, "Uh oh, I think I had a lot of feelings last night..."

:lmao @ 29/31



ahahahahahahah

Like Janis Joplin said, "freedom is just another word for nothin left to lose"

I guess I broke when I had my first "real quit" four years ago.
It isn't so bad fantail. . .very peaceful really.

the tatters of emotional safety you've been wrapping around your shoulders weren't keeping you warm anyway

The breaking has forced me into myself, with mixed results
I find latitude in attitude, and longitude in sobriety
Overall, I know I will survive no matter what--
and that's my dead reckoning for the day ;)

Sounds like you did the right thing. I know it's painful, but you're being true to yourself. :hug:

Sorry to hear you're going through this.

Sounds like you've handled the break-up in a really mature way. It's amazing how sobriety lets us do things like that.

It's never easy to go through a break-up, even when you know it's "for the best" and whatnot. Knowing that it will get easier never helps much right now.

Hang in there and be kind to yourself. Try to get outside and get a little sunshine and fresh air if you can. And remember that you are AMAZING for going through this sober!!!!!

Yes.

I may need to get that henna'd on my forearm for a while.

Similar to "just don't drink today", I'm now in the world of "just don't call and say you take it back".

What's on offer is not enough.

Well, I really hate this. Starting to feel the weight of all the plans I had that involved him in one way or another.

I think I have actually never, ever done this sober! I don't even know what to do with myself. Getting wasted and being promiscuous and crying all the time does NOT sound appealing. But I don't know what this looks like otherwise. Is my life about to be a montage from a terrible movie where I eat ice cream and walk sadly through the streets looking wistfully at happy couples? That sounds terrible too, except for the sped-up-montage-and-happy-ending part.

I expect your life is going to be long and full and interesting, and that some of it will involve ice-cream-eating and wistfullness. But only some of it.

Alcoholics like quick resolutions -- we prefer certain ruin to not forcing an outcome that isn't right or ready.

When I got sober, I thought I had to learn patience. Now I'm starting to see that what I thought was waiting, was just plain living. I used to struggle against the tide, then I learned to tread water, and now I try to let it guide me.

In your case, I see no reason for it not to guide you to ice cream, for now.

:hug:

Ice cream is fine... buy hey, why not eat a healthy dinner first? Small actions to take care of yourself like a healthy meal might not make you feel better right away, but they will make you feel a little tiny bit better. If you keep doing that stuff it will add up.

I'm pretty sure my relationship is over now, and I am facing much the same situation.

I've been focusing on sticking to good habits: getting up and making a gratitude list (even though it can be fricking hard to feel thankful right now), doing the dishes, eating some breakfast, taking a shower and getting dressed, doing some work, taking a walk and getting outside, playing my drums, and doing yoga before bed. It's not exactly easy because I just feel awful about things, but I know it helps if I can force myself to just take care of myself.

And in between, crying my eyes out. I actually googled 'why do we cry?' the other day. One interesting thing I learned that we may cry to get over being upset rather than because we are upset. Maybe it really is healing. Heck, if that's the case, I should be better than new soon with all the crying I've been doing.

Also, journaling to process the feelings and find some form of self-expression. Hot tea and curling up with a blanket and a good book.

Also, try Googling 'A$$hat', click on the image tab and look at the images it brings up. It's good to laugh a little.