Fresh from rehab and going through a divorce
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 709
Fresh from rehab and going through a divorce
Hello all,
Been lurking around and posting occasionally -- what a great community.
I spent 7 weeks in rehab and came home Dec. 9. I'm still adjusting. My husband filed for divorce in Sep and took temporary custody of our son. I was/am a basket case. He moved out, took our son, and I was served with divorce papers the same day. (I also have 18 yr old triplets who are high school seniors, but they are from my first marriage.)
I've been sober for over 3 months and am very proud of myself. I've never quit drinking before (except during pregnancies) so this life is new to me.
I've been able to see my son over the holidays as the temp custody was lifted, but the divorce is still going through. My husband is hell bent on getting custody, even though he works 6 days a week, travels, and uses his 23 yr old daughter as his babysitter. (She has a ton of issues but that's another post...)
I alternate between being really sad and really pissed. I know that's normal. I also know that you're not supposed to make any big life changes the first year of sobriety, but that's out of my control. I haven't felt tempted to drink and it's really hard to feel this pain and heartache without alcohol's numbing effect. I haven't worked in 15 years -- been a SAHM -- and I foolishly signed a prenup so I'll get nothing after the divorce. This terrifies me.
My husband was/is a very controlling, inflexible person. It's his way or the highway. I think I drank so I wouldn't have to deal with the emotions I felt during our marriage. Of course, that ultimately led to where I am today. Some days I feel so lonely and scared.
The rehab I went to was non 12 step and I really got a lot out of it. I know that no matter how bad I feel, it won't last forever. No matter how much I want a drink, that feeling will pass, too.
Well, just wanted to say hi and I'm glad to be part of this community!
Been lurking around and posting occasionally -- what a great community.
I spent 7 weeks in rehab and came home Dec. 9. I'm still adjusting. My husband filed for divorce in Sep and took temporary custody of our son. I was/am a basket case. He moved out, took our son, and I was served with divorce papers the same day. (I also have 18 yr old triplets who are high school seniors, but they are from my first marriage.)
I've been sober for over 3 months and am very proud of myself. I've never quit drinking before (except during pregnancies) so this life is new to me.
I've been able to see my son over the holidays as the temp custody was lifted, but the divorce is still going through. My husband is hell bent on getting custody, even though he works 6 days a week, travels, and uses his 23 yr old daughter as his babysitter. (She has a ton of issues but that's another post...)
I alternate between being really sad and really pissed. I know that's normal. I also know that you're not supposed to make any big life changes the first year of sobriety, but that's out of my control. I haven't felt tempted to drink and it's really hard to feel this pain and heartache without alcohol's numbing effect. I haven't worked in 15 years -- been a SAHM -- and I foolishly signed a prenup so I'll get nothing after the divorce. This terrifies me.
My husband was/is a very controlling, inflexible person. It's his way or the highway. I think I drank so I wouldn't have to deal with the emotions I felt during our marriage. Of course, that ultimately led to where I am today. Some days I feel so lonely and scared.
The rehab I went to was non 12 step and I really got a lot out of it. I know that no matter how bad I feel, it won't last forever. No matter how much I want a drink, that feeling will pass, too.
Well, just wanted to say hi and I'm glad to be part of this community!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Florida
Posts: 874
Three months is a great accomplishment!
Welcome home, sign here?! That's terrible - and I've been there.
I looked at the timing as a bonus: It's much easier to deal with all this sober than drunk or hung over. I hope you can move forward one step at a time. Just don't drink. It won't help anything.
Keep posting so we'll all know how you are doing.
Welcome home, sign here?! That's terrible - and I've been there.
I looked at the timing as a bonus: It's much easier to deal with all this sober than drunk or hung over. I hope you can move forward one step at a time. Just don't drink. It won't help anything.
Keep posting so we'll all know how you are doing.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
I went through a break up in early sobriety and, being the male, had absolutely no power in the situation. Events unfolded one after the other. Just when I thought I was on a settled path, some new twist would present itself.
The resentments had me climbing the wall, and , oddly enough resentment wasn't much of an issue for me when I first got sober. I had to go to quite extreme lengths to rid myself of them. Feeling that screwed up/over was completely wiping out the benefits of being sober.
The resentments had me climbing the wall, and , oddly enough resentment wasn't much of an issue for me when I first got sober. I had to go to quite extreme lengths to rid myself of them. Feeling that screwed up/over was completely wiping out the benefits of being sober.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,414
As a child growing up with an alcoholic mother,
I was really damaged by my mother's emotional moodswings and anger.
My home was not a safe place to grow up in, and my "model" of coping
with problems was drinking.
Guess whose an alcoholic now, and has trouble trusting other people?
I am really glad to hear you are now sober and have had a rehab opportunity.
However, you have to be honest with yourself about why your husband may
want custody if your drinking has been a major problem in your family.
That said, your continued sobriety and working a solid recovery plan can
turn things around for you and your son--you may find your husband feels
differently after you've demonstrated you are sober and mean to stay that
way over time.
Please don't take this as a critique--it is simply another point of view of the custody situation.
I believe you can stay sober and really rebuild your life as a single person
and a great parent.
I was really damaged by my mother's emotional moodswings and anger.
My home was not a safe place to grow up in, and my "model" of coping
with problems was drinking.
Guess whose an alcoholic now, and has trouble trusting other people?
I am really glad to hear you are now sober and have had a rehab opportunity.
However, you have to be honest with yourself about why your husband may
want custody if your drinking has been a major problem in your family.
That said, your continued sobriety and working a solid recovery plan can
turn things around for you and your son--you may find your husband feels
differently after you've demonstrated you are sober and mean to stay that
way over time.
Please don't take this as a critique--it is simply another point of view of the custody situation.
I believe you can stay sober and really rebuild your life as a single person
and a great parent.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 709
Hawkeye, thank you for your perspective. My husband grew up with an alcoholic father and he has always been extremely sensitive to anyone drinking. This is not to downplay my issue with alcohol. I have wanted to get sober for a long time. Even though I didn't drink during the morning/afternoon, I got buzzed every evening. (I found that I was quite the "lightweight" in rehab, though.) I am very committed to staying sober and doing what's best for my son.
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