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Old 12-29-2015, 01:02 PM
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I get that, Scott my fellow corn-feeder.
Wasn't expecting gumdrops and lollipops just yet.

I've just read others' experiences of a feeling of relief once The Decision was made that seemed almost palpable. But I'm not everybody, I'm just me. I can go with that, at least for the time being.

If all I have to grouse about today is being kind of sleepy and a mainly "meh," I should be counting my lucky stars. Looks like it will be a clear night, so I can give that a try whilst walking (ok trailing along with the whims of) the dog.
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Old 12-29-2015, 02:16 PM
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I was definitely sleepy and meh for a while. You have so much to look forward to - everything will change.
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Old 12-29-2015, 03:03 PM
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So why wouldn't I be dancing in the streets?
I wasn't capable of dancing in the streets at 5 days

I didn't have the 'pink cloud'.
I was too busy trying not to drink and stay alive.

Things lightened up a lot later on tho

D
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Old 12-29-2015, 03:25 PM
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I understand. The reason I'm thinking of talking it over with the AVRT crowd is that they will point out that wondering why I'm not relieved at making this decision is AV- I just need to find an effective way to disregard the worry without dismissing it, if that makes any sense.

I just answered the poll about when people started drinking and I am in the majority - it was during my teens. And thinking about the sequencing, I just realized I've had it off all these years - there was a part I isolated from all of the others...

It's upsetting me right now, but I'm gonna think on it and try to come back to make a coherent and hopefully helpful (to me at least) statement.
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Old 12-29-2015, 05:49 PM
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Went meandering with the dog. No stars tonight and I found myself being triggered. Old pattern: come home, have a few shots and change clothes, walk the dog, back home for the balance of the bottle, pass out. So I took some deep breaths and simply acknowledged where the trigger was coming from. Knowledge is power, right?

Came inside and cleaned the kitchen, read some SR, and I'm better though still feeling a bit anxious. It will pass. And now I can walk in the kitchen without going "ick!"

I think if I need to explore that teenage drinking stuff it will be a different thread because I'd like for this one to be more about what it is now, not so much about all that came before.

Thanks again for being there.
This truly is a wonderful community.
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Old 12-29-2015, 07:18 PM
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Congrats on your progress! You seem very committed with a positive attitude, and that's a great combination. I look forward to seeing you progress in your sobriety!!
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Old 12-29-2015, 07:37 PM
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Hi obladi, welcome to SR and congratulations on your sober time.

Coming to SR will help you gather the tools which will help when the AV comes a calling .

I stayed very close when I first stopped drinking, it was my life line, night and day, as my body recovered and in time my mind. I just wanted to be 'Better' but it took time, couldn't be rushed. Advice on here was well received and eventually it sank in.

I can see you're positive about stopping. I felt that way too, I told myself I didn't drink, the rest was learning how to, ie, recovery.

I'm Pleased you found this site.
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Old 12-30-2015, 03:44 AM
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Day 6

Hevyn, Dee, Mags, FWG,
Thanks! I do love me some positive reinforcement when it's deserved, and it is. I'd say my attitude is more determined than it is positive, but I'll take that. It beats hopeless with a stick.

Physically: Feeling so much better. Slept the night through, no headache (but haven't taken meds yet so we'll see), the knee barely hurts though it's ugly, and I have a bit of lower-left back pain. Could be something internal or simply the crappy couch I spend so much time sitting on by the window while interneting. Labs will be drawn in a month, so we shall see.

Mentally: A bit better, maybe meh+. Feeling content that I made it through another night without drinking. Gratified that I've not entertained any serious drinking thoughts. There was that dog walk last night, but as there are no stores within reasonable corgi walking distance that was no issue. And I just realized that I stopped to fuel up at a gas station last night directly across the street from a liquor store and the thought didn't even cross my mind that it was there. That's good!

Working from home today. That will give me some latitude to take care of some more of this clutter whilst listening in on conference calls and whatnot. Further benefit is no need to go anywhere at all, the safest way for me at the moment.
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Old 12-30-2015, 06:49 AM
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Onward and upward Obladi! Getting things in order around the house/life can be helpful both for your sobriety ( AKA it keeps you busy ) and just life in general. It gives you a sense of accomplishment and visual proof of your work.

I can tell you that the sensitivity to alcohol in public ( at stores, etc ) will definitely decrease over time, in fact it looks like it's already happening for you!
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Old 12-30-2015, 07:12 AM
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Fortunately for me, liquor is not available anywhere but liquor stores here. On one of my last visits to Wisconsin, I was shocked to see hard liquor in a Walgreens! Even so, I gotta drive a fair way around to avoid any of the ubiquitous stand-alone booze bins. So I am still planning to send my daughter on errands for some time yet. Dollar Store/Grocery Store/Rite Aid/Fine Wines and Liquors seem to be in one strip most everywhere.
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Old 12-30-2015, 10:46 AM
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Note to self: coffee at this stage is not the best idea. Stick with water.
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Old 12-30-2015, 11:12 AM
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I became much more sensitive to caffeine after quitting, to the point that I avoid it almost completely now.
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Old 12-30-2015, 04:33 PM
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I'm playing this game with my youngest daughter that she doesn't know we're playing yet. It goes like this:
"Daughter, will you please clean the kitchen today?"
"Mom, why do I have to clean other people's spills and dishes?"
"Daughter, because that is what living in a communal household is like, Please clean the kitchen. And also can you finish the laundry like you told me you would do yesterday?"
Morning comes, kitchen is not clean, so I clean it.
"Mom, I'm sorry that I didn't clean the kitchen before you got to it."
"Daughter, I appreciate your apology. Could you please finish the laundry?"
Afternoon comes, no laundry doing happening, so I do the laundry.

I'm going to see how long we can keep this up. I've tried punishing, being obnoxious, yelling, and who knows what all else? Oh drinking. None of these things seem to have made a difference.

So the game is: ask for one thing to be done once/day. If it is not done, I will do it. Either way, the house will be in better order, I will enjoy calmly carrying on (as opposed to crazily carrying on) and perhaps the girl will cave in to reasonable at some point. Perhaps.

So that's not really about drinking.
But it is.
Because drinking isn't the only way to ignore or disregard or minimize something that is causing me to be upset.
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Old 12-30-2015, 04:36 PM
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I'd like to thank myself for that post.
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Old 12-31-2015, 06:09 AM
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Are you kidding me?
I just wrote the most incisive post EVER and was spontaneously logged out!
Now the world will never benefit from my cutting words of introspection and revelation!

Never mind, it was just all about me and how I won't drink today or tomorrow and that seems to be sufficient. Not because I'm thinking about the day after tomorrow, but precisely because I'm not.

Physically good - bit of a headache, par for the course.
Mentally ok, which is somewhat of a miracle given the state I was in just a few weeks ago.

7 days, ho
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Old 12-31-2015, 10:18 AM
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"Daughter, this morning, will you please clean the upstairs bathroom, including the floor and shower?"
(Begruntled sound) "Yeeeees, mommm"
Daughter actually was up before noon, in the bathroom with music going!
I just checked. She cleaned the counter, left cleaning supplies thereon.
She swept the floor, left pile of sweepings thereon.
Looks like maybe (???) she kinda sorta cleaned the shower.

Sometimes all you can do to maintain an even keel is shrug and maybe chuckle a bit internally.
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Old 12-31-2015, 12:37 PM
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7 days - so amazingly wonderful, Obladi.
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Old 12-31-2015, 01:23 PM
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Thanks, Hevyn.

I'm waiting for the "amazingly-wonderful" feeling to hit, but I'm sure not holding my breath.

At the moment I'm figuratively pacing the floors, knowing I dasn't go ANYwhere because the car would mystically land in the parking lot of the closest liquor store. I am SO fortunate to have this kid who understands and is on board even if somewhat skeptical. When I just shouted out a frustrated, "I can't stand it that I can't go anywhere!" she responded with "No, you can't. Give me a list of what you want and I'll go get it."

What's so hard now that was so easy earlier?
1. It's a holiday weekend
2. It's a weekend
3. It's 4pm and this is when the hardest part starts every day I'm at home
4. It's been 7 days and I think AV likes to think of those as cause for celebration

But it's still simple. I won't drink today and I won't drink tomorrow. Ever.

Bathroom update: I brought the dustpan up, so pile on the floor has been removed. Everything else same as it ever was. Guess I'm doing the rest tonight. *wrings hands in glee* What shall tomorrow be? *cackle*
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Old 12-31-2015, 01:28 PM
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You're much more upbeat than I was on Day 7 - I was still resentful & didn't look forward to 'missing out' on all the 'fun'. Yet it hadn't been fun for a very long time.

Congrats on making it past 4pm.
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Old 12-31-2015, 04:50 PM
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Well, it got worse. Minutes ticking by while I thought about my daughters going to the store and leaving me home with my car. In which I could easily take myself off to the liquor store and get home well before them. Thinking I could probably tough that temptation out, but what about when my older daughter goes to work later? Again, car, easy enough to "sneak out."

So I took both sets of keys to my car down to my daughter who will be working tonight. She will keep them in her purse and I can retrieve them in the morning if I suddenly have the need to go somewhere (unlikely).

Phew.
That's better.

I sure do hate wrestling with the notion of being sneaky; it's so unlike me.
Any more
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