The Big Lie
Trudgin
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
The Big Lie
When engaged in active alcoholism, there are few behaviors that are more self centered than the act of drinking. Many of us took hostages when we drank making matters even worse.
I listened to a speaker who talked of his life as a pond. We think our selfishness only effects one little cove in our pond. When we drink or use just this one little area is harmed. In reality the ripples of our self absorbed nature go throughout our pond. Everything we touch is effected. Drinking is not hidden in just in our little addict cove.
I was one who spoke of functionality(high) in my drinking career. In sobriety with a little time and clarity, I find for me this to be the big lie and most hurtful towards others. If I am to recover and not just be sober, I must recognize and change this extreme me - ism. Functionality meant I could justify my drinking behavior, utter nonsense.
Once I have broken the skin of this poison fruit it is simple to see the behavior, really. It is human nature but highly perverted in alcoholics who are drinking. I know it is in me.
Today I am grateful to begin to understand the nature of selflessness. For me, it is learned behavior - when I start to think of others before myself, I stand a chance.
If I were to make a "plan" as a newcomer number one on the list would be lose the right to self, based on what I have learned in recovery.
"It is better to understand than to be understood, better to love than to be loved and better to pardon than to be pardoned. "
It is in giving that we receive..........it is in dying to self we are born
I listened to a speaker who talked of his life as a pond. We think our selfishness only effects one little cove in our pond. When we drink or use just this one little area is harmed. In reality the ripples of our self absorbed nature go throughout our pond. Everything we touch is effected. Drinking is not hidden in just in our little addict cove.
I was one who spoke of functionality(high) in my drinking career. In sobriety with a little time and clarity, I find for me this to be the big lie and most hurtful towards others. If I am to recover and not just be sober, I must recognize and change this extreme me - ism. Functionality meant I could justify my drinking behavior, utter nonsense.
Once I have broken the skin of this poison fruit it is simple to see the behavior, really. It is human nature but highly perverted in alcoholics who are drinking. I know it is in me.
Today I am grateful to begin to understand the nature of selflessness. For me, it is learned behavior - when I start to think of others before myself, I stand a chance.
If I were to make a "plan" as a newcomer number one on the list would be lose the right to self, based on what I have learned in recovery.
"It is better to understand than to be understood, better to love than to be loved and better to pardon than to be pardoned. "
It is in giving that we receive..........it is in dying to self we are born
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
Fly N Buy,
it took me quite a while to understand the vastness of this alcoholism thing; how it had touched everything in my life and how enmeshed it was. tentacles everywhere.
the longer i was sober, the more clearly i could see that.
it wouldn't have helped me, though, to have been told that at the beginning of sobriety; it's something i needed to find out for myself, how "non-contained" it was.
how far the pollution had spread.
it took me quite a while to understand the vastness of this alcoholism thing; how it had touched everything in my life and how enmeshed it was. tentacles everywhere.
the longer i was sober, the more clearly i could see that.
it wouldn't have helped me, though, to have been told that at the beginning of sobriety; it's something i needed to find out for myself, how "non-contained" it was.
how far the pollution had spread.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Thank-you FnB.
I agree with all you have written, and acted the same way. Nowadays I am affected by the ripples of other's active alcoholism and can be quick to turn on the self-pity and resentment when that happens, and even though I am far enough into recovery to recognise those feelings, and ask God quickly to remove them from me, and say a hasty resentment prayer, I know how painful it would be for me if I let things slide. Those ripples I feel from other people's drinking behaviour could soon turn to waves.
Last night I went to a meeting still struggling to not give in to anger and self-pity after a telephone conv with a relative about the Xmas period (the usual stuff for the time of year). Thankfully, as is usual, I heard just what I needed to at the meeting, and remembered the many years where others were having to accept my ripples. My selfishness and my shoddy behaviour. Your post was just what I needed to read this morning to top up on that before I have contact with anyone else from my family who starts talking about that relative. It's fair enough if they want to form resentments, but for me they are a dubious luxury and I can't afford to have them.
Thanks again for a great post.
I agree with all you have written, and acted the same way. Nowadays I am affected by the ripples of other's active alcoholism and can be quick to turn on the self-pity and resentment when that happens, and even though I am far enough into recovery to recognise those feelings, and ask God quickly to remove them from me, and say a hasty resentment prayer, I know how painful it would be for me if I let things slide. Those ripples I feel from other people's drinking behaviour could soon turn to waves.
Last night I went to a meeting still struggling to not give in to anger and self-pity after a telephone conv with a relative about the Xmas period (the usual stuff for the time of year). Thankfully, as is usual, I heard just what I needed to at the meeting, and remembered the many years where others were having to accept my ripples. My selfishness and my shoddy behaviour. Your post was just what I needed to read this morning to top up on that before I have contact with anyone else from my family who starts talking about that relative. It's fair enough if they want to form resentments, but for me they are a dubious luxury and I can't afford to have them.
Thanks again for a great post.
Trudgin
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Hi Beccy -
It's all theory until we are tested on the front lines, right?!? Sounds to me like you are well prepared to let others be wrong today.
I can go from zero to 60 in the blink of an eye relative to my hurt-o-meter. I am still at times soooo sensitive. I frequently draw on this - It is a spiritual axiom that every time we are disturbed, no matter what the cause, there is something wrong with us.
Easier said than done and my halo needs frequent polishing as it's easily tarnished.
I find peace today in the simple knowledge that whether I interact on SR or in the rooms there are others like me who understand immediately what life has tossed at us. Between that knowledge and remembering my serenity is inversely proportional to my expectations I stand a chance today.
As you posted, we hear exactly what we need........amazing!
Merry Christmas
It's all theory until we are tested on the front lines, right?!? Sounds to me like you are well prepared to let others be wrong today.
I can go from zero to 60 in the blink of an eye relative to my hurt-o-meter. I am still at times soooo sensitive. I frequently draw on this - It is a spiritual axiom that every time we are disturbed, no matter what the cause, there is something wrong with us.
Easier said than done and my halo needs frequent polishing as it's easily tarnished.
I find peace today in the simple knowledge that whether I interact on SR or in the rooms there are others like me who understand immediately what life has tossed at us. Between that knowledge and remembering my serenity is inversely proportional to my expectations I stand a chance today.
As you posted, we hear exactly what we need........amazing!
Merry Christmas
Trudgin
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Originally Posted by fini 
Fly N Buy,
it took me quite a while to understand the vastness of this alcoholism thing; how it had touched everything in my life and how enmeshed it was. tentacles everywhere.
the longer i was sober, the more clearly i could see that.
it wouldn't have helped me, though, to have been told that at the beginning of sobriety; it's something i needed to find out for myself, how "non-contained" it was.
how far the pollution had spread.
it took me quite a while to understand the vastness of this alcoholism thing; how it had touched everything in my life and how enmeshed it was. tentacles everywhere.
the longer i was sober, the more clearly i could see that.
it wouldn't have helped me, though, to have been told that at the beginning of sobriety; it's something i needed to find out for myself, how "non-contained" it was.
how far the pollution had spread.
Thanks for this, fini........
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