paddyjnr1

Its 10.49am Irish time sitting in a bar by myself drinking brandy. Even if there was people here I don't want to talk because I'm shaking so much. I was under strict instructions not to be drinking Christmas day when I go for dinner at my sisters. But that incessant craving is back. I don't even like brandy but its the strongest they have and my stomach aches. There's Christmas music playing in the back round and I want it to stop. I feel so stupid for picking up the drink again but I was driven so angry one day by a sibling, I said f**k this s**,t and then I had a text war fight with my brother which got very deep and nasty. I need to stop I have a weeks supply of Valium 1 x d10 3 times a day bit now drinking on it. Prayers please

JD

Prayers to you paddy. I hope they get you to stop the drinking and drugging. You had so many years of sobriety do you know how to do that. Have a very marry, and sober, Christmas.

RDBplus3

Hello paddy,
I tried to 'fix myself' by praying. It didn't work for me, but I do believe the prayers helped direct me to a solution that did work ... the 12 steps.
Prayer, however, is a big part of my ongoing process of 'Living Life on Life's Terms' now that I am completely FREE from the obsession and craving of drinking. Regardless of the 'trigger' or the 'F#@( this $#!+' ... drinking has NO place in my life. And that MIRACLE came thru WORKING the 12 steps of AA. It all made me mad as hell at 1st, but the change in my life happened, and it is something 'I' could not fix, but 'I' had to do the REAL work ... not just make some b/s excuse that somebody ticked me off.

I read where a man asked his Pastor to pray that God would 'remove' his 'addiction'. The Pastor replied he couldn't do that, because God would have to remove his brain and replace it with a new one. We have to do the WORK it takes to get FREE from it. For me, the only thing that WORKED was the 12 Steps of AA ... after years of anger, justification, and struggling.

God, I pray that you will lead paddyjnr1 on a path of restoration to you.

RDBplus3 ... Happy, Joyous and FREE ... and I KNOW U can B 2

Ken33xx

That`s one of the biggest fears I have about a relapse: the craving will return.

Maybe you can get to a bunch of meetings and be in a safe environment.

Hawkeye13

Well paddy, you know keeping drinking won't lead to anything good mentally.
You also can't afford it financially at the moment, am I right?

I suggest you leave the bar and get to a meeting, then go home and shower and sleep.

You know, my brother used to drive me ape-shite crazy and my alcoholic mother
even more so.

For many years, they were a valid excuse / trigger in my mind to drink.
Finally, one day I finally, finally, got that what they said or did wasn't really my problem.
I could not engage them and walk away--even during the holidays if I had to.
My choice to use them as an excuse to drink was my covering my desire to drink.
They were a legitimate "reason" but really, I just wanted to justify to myself and others crawling back in the bottle.

You know this as well as I do--sending you compassion and a hug--I get it.
Now, stop this BS and get out of the bar now if you haven't already.

Mountainmanbob

You remind me of me back many years ago when I had close to three years sober and was married to my ex wife. I got so disappointed and mad at her that I went down the mountain and brought back up with me a 6 pack of beer. It was all down hill after that.

(We) know that drinking truly does not help in these matters.


M-Bob

Wholesome

I'm sorry that you're hurting paddyjnr. How about a meal and some sleep? Then another meal and more sleep? Lots and lots of water. Then maybe try to get back on top of things once you're rested and hydrated.

ScottFromWI

Hope you can find the strength to get out of the bar, go home, drink some water and get some sleep. It's a difficult time of the year for all of us, but drinking only makes everything worse of course. Kind of like trying to put out a fire by pouring gasoline on it, right?

Please be careful with other drugs too....valium or any other drug mixed with alcohol can be very dangerous. See a doctor if you need advice about it.

Michellelindsay

I'm sitting in my flat bored out my head..Feeling like I would love to join you ..Always liked the irish bars
However I have my sensible head on and know I'm not going to have a drink ..for today, one day at a time ..
Don't beat yourself up about a minor relapse that is what made me keep drinking ..
I hated myself for thinking I will stop then got annoyed so drank more to forget ..
Xmas is a day away sober up tomorrow and enjoy your family ..
How lucky you are to have a family apart from my horse and cat I have no one .. All the best
Tomorrow is a new day x

Fly N Buy

The insidious insanity repeated many, many times in my life until something changed. I would point my finger at other and came to realize there were three fingers pointing right back at me! I'll drink at them - they hurt me so I'll hurt me too!

Insanity..........

I hope you'll find the help you need to get sober. This is a deadly game, friend.

aasharon90

There is no shame in admitting defeat
and there is no need to be afraid to ask
for help.

Too many people have died and will
continue to do so with this disease
and illness. When we are sick we seek
help from doctors and those that have
the knowledge and tools to help us get
well and teach us how to take care of
ourselves in a more healthier way.

We in recovery continue to care and
show support to others still sick and
suffering with this horrible addiction
of alcohol or drugs. We pass on many
helpful suggestions to point others in
a direction to seek help.

Rehabs are hospitals for us struggling
with addiction and because I was so
sick with my own alcohol addiction,
it took the love, care and concern of
my family to place me into the hands
of those to teach me about my addiction
and plant a seed of recovery in my mind,
heart and soul, for me to nurture
it and grow with each passing day I
remained sober.

For them, I owe my thanks and graditude
for helping me get my life back and live
a healthier, happier and honest life for
yrs to come.

If you have the willingness to want
to live and can get yourself to a hospital
and ask for help then please go.

Once you surrender yourself to the
fact that alcohol doesn't work for you,
the same way many of us found out,
then allow a program of recovery to
be taught and learned to incorporate
in all areas of your life one day at a time,
then you will not have to suffer any longer
with your addiction.

If you want to stop the insanity and get
off that merry go round of addiction, then
help is waiting for you today. Not tomorrow,
but today.

paddyjnr1

Hi Guys, thanks for the lovely thoughts, I rang a member at 12pm and he came so I guess I'm sober since 12and took me away also had a meal and an hours sleep, feeling ok
watching TV at the moment and going to try my hardest not to drink tomorrow.
Hawkeye you are quite right, I didn't even have the money, I had to borrow it and now I'm in deeper s**t. thanks again folks

paddyjnr1

Believe me it was no fun, hold on to your sobriety..

Anna

I'm glad that you have stopped drinking and that you are feeling better. It's clear that alcohol makes things worse, and you do want to have a family dinner at Christmas.

paddyjnr1

yes it is true because they strictly said if i'm drunk don't come near them

Dee74

I'm glad you called someone Paddy.

A little Xmas honesty for you...

You're lurching from crisis to crisis, man - maybe it's time to stop talking about recovery and actually do something about it...now?

Make this a Xmas to remember - for all the right reasons

D

tomsteve

Once more: The alcoholic at certain times has no effective mental defense against the first drink. Except in a few rare cases, neither he nor any other human being can provide such a defense. His defense must come from a Higher Power.

Hevyn

Paddy - Maybe this crisis is the further proof you needed to get the job done. No point in playing with it any longer - it's only bringing you misery. There's nothing in it for us anymore - it's not a way to cope, or to have fun, or to live. Being foggy & numb isn't what we're meant to be. Praying for this to be the last time you suffer this way.

paddyjnr1

It's 7.20am and i'm awake, slight tremble in y hands but the thoughts of a drink are super strong.
I'm not going to let it win though, I am praying this morning to get through the day without a drink.

paddyjnr1

Just back from Christmas shopping, I was a bit nervy walk through the isles especially when i came to the liquor isle but I just passed it , there was a bottle there beckoning me to buy it but I said no thats it.
I'm broken from it, i'm going to rebuild myself back up again.
Although i worried about Christmas night as i'll be here by myself.
I'm going to make a few phone calls in a while and see if any other members are in the same predicament and maybe invite them over to watch a movie or something..