Hello Friends!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,109
Hello Friends!
It's been awhile, I've kept you all in my heart and I've checked in regularly even if I haven't been posting.
My boy just told me that he wishes for me to quit drinking. He is 13 and it's a first to hear from a loved one, especially from one so near and dear.
I listened and I have a heavy heart.
xx
My boy just told me that he wishes for me to quit drinking. He is 13 and it's a first to hear from a loved one, especially from one so near and dear.
I listened and I have a heavy heart.
xx
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
Good to see you zen always like your posts. It's tough with the kids I can recall my son in the mornings a few times upon seeing all my empties saying wow dad you really hit em hard last night. I'd try and take the trash out before bed to hide the amount I was drinking. It's good to be there for the kids we don't realize it but me then vs me now it's 2 diff people and I don't think the family would like the old me back.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Welcome back Zenchaser. One of the big reasons I quit was that I also realized what I was doing to my children and family in general due to my drinking. It's a colossally selfish affliction, and I certainly hope you can find the strength to seek help to do something about it while you still can. You know SR is always here for you if you make the decision to quit.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,109
Thanks for welcoming be back everyone 
Last night I took my last drink. My boy is never going to have to say something like that to me again. I remember saying and thinking similar things about my mother when I was his age and now I'm just like her. I am so ashamed.
It truely is colossally selfish.
I can do better. We all deserve for me to do better.
Right now I'm drinking about twice a week but it's always to the point of drunkeness. I can do this. I just need to start and stay commited and not future trip and start racking up those consecutive days.
Last night I took my last drink. My boy is never going to have to say something like that to me again. I remember saying and thinking similar things about my mother when I was his age and now I'm just like her. I am so ashamed.
It truely is colossally selfish.
I can do better. We all deserve for me to do better.
Right now I'm drinking about twice a week but it's always to the point of drunkeness. I can do this. I just need to start and stay commited and not future trip and start racking up those consecutive days.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,423
You can do it zen
I was that little boy, and my mother didn't quit as many times as I asked.
Now here I am, battling alcoholism myself recreating the generational family pattern.
Your story will have a different ending.
Quit now and don't look back--
you can only choose the present, but that makes the future
I was that little boy, and my mother didn't quit as many times as I asked.
Now here I am, battling alcoholism myself recreating the generational family pattern.
Your story will have a different ending.
Quit now and don't look back--
you can only choose the present, but that makes the future
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
zenchaser,
good to see you back!
I just need to start and stay commited and not future trip and start racking up those consecutive days.
yes. and it's the "stay committed" part that i couldn't do for the longest time. always the momentary 'wth' interfered! bummer!
i needed more than committment; i had to translate that into action and back it up.
as you know, there are various ways to go about that, and several places here on SR with outlines of "plans" that others have successfully used.
glad you had this wake-up call.
good to see you back!
I just need to start and stay commited and not future trip and start racking up those consecutive days.
yes. and it's the "stay committed" part that i couldn't do for the longest time. always the momentary 'wth' interfered! bummer!
i needed more than committment; i had to translate that into action and back it up.
as you know, there are various ways to go about that, and several places here on SR with outlines of "plans" that others have successfully used.
glad you had this wake-up call.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,109
Thanks for that Hawkeye.
It really hurts to contemplate how I've raised my children in an environment of addiction. I feel like an epic failure. Him saying that to me last night pierced me to my core. Talk about a wake up call!
I can change and I will.
It really hurts to contemplate how I've raised my children in an environment of addiction. I feel like an epic failure. Him saying that to me last night pierced me to my core. Talk about a wake up call!
I can change and I will.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
I know someone who's mother didn't make it eventually she od'd or committed suicide no one knows for sure but he found her.
I don't think he ever really dealt with it to be honest.
Fast forward to now. I think this person has some anger issues I wonder on some level that I beat it for now and his mother did not. Or at least I sometimes wonder if this person feels this way.
At any rate it's been years for him decades even and it's still very hard for him.
Your child may or may not ever realize the gift you are giving yourself and him through sobriety but be assured it's better then the alternative.
I don't think he ever really dealt with it to be honest.
Fast forward to now. I think this person has some anger issues I wonder on some level that I beat it for now and his mother did not. Or at least I sometimes wonder if this person feels this way.
At any rate it's been years for him decades even and it's still very hard for him.
Your child may or may not ever realize the gift you are giving yourself and him through sobriety but be assured it's better then the alternative.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
I have to learn to master my thoughts.
don't know about that.
mine just come and go.
often i can direct them, and often, i can't.
i certainly can't master them.
nor do i think that matters .
what i needed to "master" is actions.
just some thoughts on the matter
don't know about that.
mine just come and go.
often i can direct them, and often, i can't.
i certainly can't master them.
nor do i think that matters .
what i needed to "master" is actions.
just some thoughts on the matter
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,109
Originally Posted by fini 
I have to learn to master my thoughts.
don't know about that.
mine just come and go.
often i can direct them, and often, i can't.
i certainly can't master them.
nor do i think that matters .
what i needed to "master" is actions.
just some thoughts on the matter
don't know about that.
mine just come and go.
often i can direct them, and often, i can't.
i certainly can't master them.
nor do i think that matters .
what i needed to "master" is actions.
just some thoughts on the matter
The hardest part I think is accepting that it's really over even though a huge part of me wants it to be. I keep having this dream that I have gum stuck in my teeth and I can't pull it all out. I know that it's about my inner struggle over this addiction.
I guess for now all I can do is keep taking it day by day. For my boys who deserve a mother who puts them first and who is present and sober.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,423
If you recognize the mind games, you can stop them in their tracks
I find total sobriety much easier than trying to moderate.
The best thing about it is you can go days without ever thinking about alcohol. Really.
I never would have believed it until it happened to me.
My problems come when I start my own mind games of "moderation".
Doesn't work for me, no matter how much my AV voice tells me it will.
You aren't stupid, you are addicted physically and mentally to alcohol,
but you can kick the addiction,
You can fill you life with joy and fun with your children:
hobbies and hiking and cooking food together.
Long talks and watching the stars come out.
So many things to do when you aren't drunk, it truly boggles the mind. . .
I find total sobriety much easier than trying to moderate.
The best thing about it is you can go days without ever thinking about alcohol. Really.
I never would have believed it until it happened to me.
My problems come when I start my own mind games of "moderation".
Doesn't work for me, no matter how much my AV voice tells me it will.
You aren't stupid, you are addicted physically and mentally to alcohol,
but you can kick the addiction,
You can fill you life with joy and fun with your children:
hobbies and hiking and cooking food together.
Long talks and watching the stars come out.
So many things to do when you aren't drunk, it truly boggles the mind. . .
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,109
Originally Posted by Hawkeye13
If you recognize the mind games, you can stop them in their tracks
I find total sobriety much easier than trying to moderate.
The best thing about it is you can go days without ever thinking about alcohol. Really.
I never would have believed it until it happened to me.
My problems come when I start my own mind games of "moderation".
Doesn't work for me, no matter how much my AV voice tells me it will.
You aren't stupid, you are addicted physically and mentally to alcohol,
but you can kick the addiction,
You can fill you life with joy and fun with your children:
hobbies and hiking and cooking food together.
Long talks and watching the stars come out.
So many things to do when you aren't drunk, it truly boggles the mind. . .
I find total sobriety much easier than trying to moderate.
The best thing about it is you can go days without ever thinking about alcohol. Really.
I never would have believed it until it happened to me.
My problems come when I start my own mind games of "moderation".
Doesn't work for me, no matter how much my AV voice tells me it will.
You aren't stupid, you are addicted physically and mentally to alcohol,
but you can kick the addiction,
You can fill you life with joy and fun with your children:
hobbies and hiking and cooking food together.
Long talks and watching the stars come out.
So many things to do when you aren't drunk, it truly boggles the mind. . .
I don't play with the idea of moderation. I never even try to moderate once I start drinking. I know what I'm looking for. What I do is moderate the amount of days that I drink. I mostly drink on the weekends and I don't like to drink the day after a binge. I can put them away though! I have a crazy high tolerance, I can drink for hours and hours. It's not healthy. And it's expensive.
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