another sleepie thread
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
another sleepie thread
Someone here pointed out that I always get support when I ask for it.
I am in no danger of drinking.
But I am sad. I need a hug.
Or a kind word.
Or someone to draw me a cartoon.
Or something.
Feeling very broken by life. Hell, I am broken by life. It happens.
I am in no danger of drinking.
But I am sad. I need a hug.
Or a kind word.
Or someone to draw me a cartoon.
Or something.
Feeling very broken by life. Hell, I am broken by life. It happens.
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
Hang in there! There will always be highs and lows in life I hope in time they get a little more smooth for you. Hopefully you can get back on another upswing soon. But I. The meantime hang in there. It's good to reach out for help.
<---- That was the day Trachemys farted in my face.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
I have a lot of nightmares about my abusive parents these last few weeks. That usually only happens when I am really stressed out.
I tried to forget all that and not think about it- you know, not focusing in the negative. For many, many years.
But 20 years of daily abuse is hard to shut out.
I just ended up with anxiety disorders. And cutting. And other stuff. But I walked around smiling all day anyway. And I was always a clown trying to get others to laugh. You wouldn't believe it here but people noted that I was always smiling.
Well, it was just a defense/anxiety mechanism.
Seems unfair it should invade my dreams.
Anyway, I've run out of steam. Last couple months just took the wind out of my sails. Last few years really got me down.
I can't really talk to anyone about it all.
People don't want to hear it.
I tried to forget all that and not think about it- you know, not focusing in the negative. For many, many years.
But 20 years of daily abuse is hard to shut out.
I just ended up with anxiety disorders. And cutting. And other stuff. But I walked around smiling all day anyway. And I was always a clown trying to get others to laugh. You wouldn't believe it here but people noted that I was always smiling.
Well, it was just a defense/anxiety mechanism.
Seems unfair it should invade my dreams.
Anyway, I've run out of steam. Last couple months just took the wind out of my sails. Last few years really got me down.
I can't really talk to anyone about it all.
People don't want to hear it.
Marchia in Aeternum
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 11,094
'Tis the season to be stressed, sleepie. Short days, no sunshine, the holidays, all pile up on us. Try to find some ways to be good to yourself. Make up for all those abusers by treating yourself like gold. You know we care. You should, too.
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,534
Sleepie, I hope there'll come a day when you won't be haunted by your past. There has to be a way to combat this so it doesn't keep resurfacing. (I'm very glad you're not drinking.)
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
I had a dream not to long ago about my abisive stepfather in it I let him have it told how he screwed up so badly and why we did not and never would get along. I. The dream I saw him as a human being for the first time in a long time and that in his own very screwed up way he like anyone else was just trying to get through this life like anyone else but in what I'd consider a sick and twisted way however to him this was just the way that it is for him.
I found this dream really therapeutic. Too see him as a human being like anyone else and not just some monster helped. I still clearly feel there is no excuse for his behavior nor would I tolerate it again.
Someone once told me he did the best that he can I screamed how can that be! He said not that did the best but that he did /his/ best. Clearly that was not good enough in the whole scheme of things but in his messed up way he gave it his best effort. This also helped me realize again this guy is just another person with issues.
None of this makes what they did ok or tolerable. But it's like hey some people are pretty messed up what can I do? I don't wanna go on with the anger and bad emotions about it and I hope someday it will all pass but in the meantime stuff like that helps me cope some.
I found this dream really therapeutic. Too see him as a human being like anyone else and not just some monster helped. I still clearly feel there is no excuse for his behavior nor would I tolerate it again.
Someone once told me he did the best that he can I screamed how can that be! He said not that did the best but that he did /his/ best. Clearly that was not good enough in the whole scheme of things but in his messed up way he gave it his best effort. This also helped me realize again this guy is just another person with issues.
None of this makes what they did ok or tolerable. But it's like hey some people are pretty messed up what can I do? I don't wanna go on with the anger and bad emotions about it and I hope someday it will all pass but in the meantime stuff like that helps me cope some.
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
Thank you Straightup it always really delights me when I can bring someone out of the shadows a bit, that means so much.
Wow... encouraging? What threads have you been reading... I have even been called a bummer outright on my own threads in the past.
I really can't help but be who I am, and just this blatant honesty is how I am. I am not one to hide things or be anything besides genuine. Thank you for saying you appreciate my openness.
A few here have said similar things and thank you because it makes me feel less "wrong" for being myself.
Wow... encouraging? What threads have you been reading... I have even been called a bummer outright on my own threads in the past.
I really can't help but be who I am, and just this blatant honesty is how I am. I am not one to hide things or be anything besides genuine. Thank you for saying you appreciate my openness.
A few here have said similar things and thank you because it makes me feel less "wrong" for being myself.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 214
Don't know if this helps but it always does for me. My pastor told me a long time ago that the lord died on the cross so we would not have to carry everything around with us. He said when something is too heavy to throw it at the foot of the cross. Kind of like when you have pitch it day once a year and throw your junk to the curb you do not need anymore. So when I go to bed at night I say lord I can not carry -------- please take it off my shoulders. It probably sounds silly especially if you are not religious but it always works for me. Bless!
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