For those doing good, a reminder of the ugly from the ugly
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 136
For those doing good, a reminder of the ugly from the ugly
I'm back and forth on SR repeatedly. I say "I quit!," and then go do it again.
It's dumb. I always end up back on this site though from just that moment of clarity which shocks me into sober awareness. For the most part this has always been the guilt of the following morning, but today is different, and I'd like to share this ugly and idiotic story because maybe it will help maintain the clarity of sobreity for others.
End of the semester. A buddy who came by the dorm throughout the year was always having some of our drinks, so last night he did his last visit and got us back with a handle of whiskey.
Now it's "Community Whiskey," or maybe I'm just saying that because I want it so bad. But it's to be "shared."
Of course, 3 of us in my dorm are drunks. Plain and simple.
Anyway, it's left out last night, my other 2 drinker roommates were out, and I went at it. I didn't drink all that much of it, but at the same time it wouldn't matter if I did. Drank, slept---
Today the whiskey is gone. It's in my other roommates room. He's hiding and sheltering it, and I know he's doing this because I found his handle of Vodka, which he bought the other day, in the trash and empty.
He came back before and I stopped him in his room:
I say, "Where's the whiskey?"
He says, "It's not yours."
I shout, "It's community."
He says "**** you it's not. I gave XXX more liquor than you and that whiskey is mine. You drank your share."
I scream, "F You."
He tries to close the door on me.
I push in, grab for the whiskey.
He touches my shoulder.
We fight, just slamming each other in the face.
I get the whiskey and get away and pour a glass and he comes out and pours a glass. And we leave it there on the counter...
And that's the story. I've told a story about having trouble with a roommate on here this semester; this isn't that roommate. This guy and I have had virtually zero problems this whole semester.
But just like that, hiding booze and justifying drink and all that, we literally beat the **** out of each other.
Just so dumb. I can't really believe that just happened yet. It's so ugly. So dumb. So pathetic.
It's Winter Break in a few days. And this is how we're leaving off; black-eyed over ******* whiskey.
I'm broke, SR. I have truly $0 dollars. A few coins, maybe $20 to cash in.
I am hoping I get it together this Winter break. A month broke.... if I can just accept it, do the month sober, I hope, I pray at this point, that I can maintain sobriety, and never do something so crazy and dumb and pointless as this again.
Goodluck to everyone. This is the ugliest addiction about. It's horrible, horrifying, and just plain awful.
To everyone, the best.
It's dumb. I always end up back on this site though from just that moment of clarity which shocks me into sober awareness. For the most part this has always been the guilt of the following morning, but today is different, and I'd like to share this ugly and idiotic story because maybe it will help maintain the clarity of sobreity for others.
End of the semester. A buddy who came by the dorm throughout the year was always having some of our drinks, so last night he did his last visit and got us back with a handle of whiskey.
Now it's "Community Whiskey," or maybe I'm just saying that because I want it so bad. But it's to be "shared."
Of course, 3 of us in my dorm are drunks. Plain and simple.
Anyway, it's left out last night, my other 2 drinker roommates were out, and I went at it. I didn't drink all that much of it, but at the same time it wouldn't matter if I did. Drank, slept---
Today the whiskey is gone. It's in my other roommates room. He's hiding and sheltering it, and I know he's doing this because I found his handle of Vodka, which he bought the other day, in the trash and empty.
He came back before and I stopped him in his room:
I say, "Where's the whiskey?"
He says, "It's not yours."
I shout, "It's community."
He says "**** you it's not. I gave XXX more liquor than you and that whiskey is mine. You drank your share."
I scream, "F You."
He tries to close the door on me.
I push in, grab for the whiskey.
He touches my shoulder.
We fight, just slamming each other in the face.
I get the whiskey and get away and pour a glass and he comes out and pours a glass. And we leave it there on the counter...
And that's the story. I've told a story about having trouble with a roommate on here this semester; this isn't that roommate. This guy and I have had virtually zero problems this whole semester.
But just like that, hiding booze and justifying drink and all that, we literally beat the **** out of each other.
Just so dumb. I can't really believe that just happened yet. It's so ugly. So dumb. So pathetic.
It's Winter Break in a few days. And this is how we're leaving off; black-eyed over ******* whiskey.
I'm broke, SR. I have truly $0 dollars. A few coins, maybe $20 to cash in.
I am hoping I get it together this Winter break. A month broke.... if I can just accept it, do the month sober, I hope, I pray at this point, that I can maintain sobriety, and never do something so crazy and dumb and pointless as this again.
Goodluck to everyone. This is the ugliest addiction about. It's horrible, horrifying, and just plain awful.
To everyone, the best.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Welcome back QuietToday, sorry to hear of the troubles with your evening.
Hoping and praying you can get sober over break is a good start, but you will need to take action to really make it work . You need a plan that you can follow each and every day so the next time a situation presents itself you deal with it without alcohol.
AA is free and so is SR. There are even free/low cost detox and rehab programs in many areas.
Being sober at the end of the month is absolutely obtainable....the only variable is how willing you are to do the work to obtain it.
Hoping and praying you can get sober over break is a good start, but you will need to take action to really make it work . You need a plan that you can follow each and every day so the next time a situation presents itself you deal with it without alcohol.
AA is free and so is SR. There are even free/low cost detox and rehab programs in many areas.
Being sober at the end of the month is absolutely obtainable....the only variable is how willing you are to do the work to obtain it.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: East Coast of the US
Posts: 283
Alcohol makes things messier and more complicated. I hope things work out for you and your roommate, and I hope you can get yourself together over the break. Give sobriety a chance. It is so much calmer than the lifestyle you've described.
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
The million dollar question is do you want to quit drinking or do you just want the madness to end?
I spent 20 years trying to find a way to drink without the consequences. I never found it. I finally decided to give up the fight and admit I would never be a normal drinker
I spent 20 years trying to find a way to drink without the consequences. I never found it. I finally decided to give up the fight and admit I would never be a normal drinker
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Simply, there were two choices for me - stay in the problem or get into the solution. Some eventually are forced into a decision by blue lights, jail or an officer of the court. Problems along with our drinking progress.
Hope you'll become open to the solution.......
Hope you'll become open to the solution.......
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Everything above I agree with I can't make you believe me but sobriety is awesome QuietToday embrace it accept it
Print this thread out keep it in your wallet & make a point of taking Scott's advice about AA logging into SR daily & look around for detox rehabs to help
Rootin for you QT
Print this thread out keep it in your wallet & make a point of taking Scott's advice about AA logging into SR daily & look around for detox rehabs to help
Rootin for you QT
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 136
I have AA all planned. Or I had it planned--- but then drinks came.
I haven't bought drinks since before Thanksgiving. I thought the Holiday was it for me; no more. But then offers come and that's that; still not saying no.
And it's bad too. Wish it wasn't like this, but man; take that one drink, that one sip, and I am off my gears for the whole night.
Been stealing my roommmates' booze; not even considering consequences. They've the bottles marked too; just don't care.
Just messed up. I do want to stop. I am honestly going to try my hardest this Winter. If I can just get that week, you know? ****. Even that day, at this point.
I hate it. I'm so over this. The other day my girlfriend was here saying goodbye to me for the semester, and I wanted to be open and honest with her abot how much she means to me and all of that. It was a very quiet and easy night and we were just sitting. But it's a bit hard for me to be open and she'd brought over this wine and I thought I'd have a glass---
Sure enough, drunk, and then saying the very opposite of what I'd wated to say. Said how we wouldn't last the Winter break. Said how it'd be better if we didn't talk anymore. Said yadda yadda yadda.
Called and apologized, but Jesus Christ am I so over making these same embarrassments.
Going to try again. I know where AA is in my area now, and that's where I'm going. I've tried to do this by myself for almost a year now, and it just hasn't worked. Time to throw in the gloves and accept the fact that I need help here, and I'm going to do just that.
It hurts to accept help, in a way. But I'm doing it. I just can't be doing this anymore. I'm 25 and getting into fistfights--- it's too embarassing. And then throwing over the best girlfriend I've ever had for no reason also!
I hate it. For everyone sober, I hope to get there too. For everyone still drinking, this stupidity is all there is. It doesn't change; once you know you've the problem, there's really nothing else to it but just that; a problem. The "fun" doesn't come back; the "relaxation" is never there; the "relevance" is always forgotten the moment you sip.
There's nothing to drinking.
I'm going to try again, SR. I really am. I hate that I come here such a mess again and again, but hell---- once more, I am trying again. I'm not giving up.
I haven't bought drinks since before Thanksgiving. I thought the Holiday was it for me; no more. But then offers come and that's that; still not saying no.
And it's bad too. Wish it wasn't like this, but man; take that one drink, that one sip, and I am off my gears for the whole night.
Been stealing my roommmates' booze; not even considering consequences. They've the bottles marked too; just don't care.
Just messed up. I do want to stop. I am honestly going to try my hardest this Winter. If I can just get that week, you know? ****. Even that day, at this point.
I hate it. I'm so over this. The other day my girlfriend was here saying goodbye to me for the semester, and I wanted to be open and honest with her abot how much she means to me and all of that. It was a very quiet and easy night and we were just sitting. But it's a bit hard for me to be open and she'd brought over this wine and I thought I'd have a glass---
Sure enough, drunk, and then saying the very opposite of what I'd wated to say. Said how we wouldn't last the Winter break. Said how it'd be better if we didn't talk anymore. Said yadda yadda yadda.
Called and apologized, but Jesus Christ am I so over making these same embarrassments.
Going to try again. I know where AA is in my area now, and that's where I'm going. I've tried to do this by myself for almost a year now, and it just hasn't worked. Time to throw in the gloves and accept the fact that I need help here, and I'm going to do just that.
It hurts to accept help, in a way. But I'm doing it. I just can't be doing this anymore. I'm 25 and getting into fistfights--- it's too embarassing. And then throwing over the best girlfriend I've ever had for no reason also!
I hate it. For everyone sober, I hope to get there too. For everyone still drinking, this stupidity is all there is. It doesn't change; once you know you've the problem, there's really nothing else to it but just that; a problem. The "fun" doesn't come back; the "relaxation" is never there; the "relevance" is always forgotten the moment you sip.
There's nothing to drinking.
I'm going to try again, SR. I really am. I hate that I come here such a mess again and again, but hell---- once more, I am trying again. I'm not giving up.
Trying to Enjoy Life Now
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Sittin' on the dock of the bay
Posts: 275
Hey Quiet,
The first thing you need to do IMHO is take advantage of your situational advantage. You're in college, I'm sure you don't have a lot of stuff to move around when you move so do yourself a favor and get yourself as far away from the mardi gras section of the dorms as soon as possible or the situation will most likely pull you right back into itself.
When I was in college the school had a specific building for quiet students, I think they called them 'academic' dorms. See if you can find something like that, if not, just tell housing that you’re not getting along with your room mates and it's affecting your studies and you need a quieter area.
I went from military to college to real life and trust me, unless you’re the military there is no easier time in your life to pick up and move away from a problem than there will be now. No lease to worry about (same landlord), no house to sell and I’m guessing very little to haul from one spot to another. A trip to the housing section of campus will do all the paperwork and organizing for you. Think about that.
Take advantage of this.
As far as the other steps it sounds like you’re going the right direction if you follow through.
Good Luck!
The first thing you need to do IMHO is take advantage of your situational advantage. You're in college, I'm sure you don't have a lot of stuff to move around when you move so do yourself a favor and get yourself as far away from the mardi gras section of the dorms as soon as possible or the situation will most likely pull you right back into itself.
When I was in college the school had a specific building for quiet students, I think they called them 'academic' dorms. See if you can find something like that, if not, just tell housing that you’re not getting along with your room mates and it's affecting your studies and you need a quieter area.
I went from military to college to real life and trust me, unless you’re the military there is no easier time in your life to pick up and move away from a problem than there will be now. No lease to worry about (same landlord), no house to sell and I’m guessing very little to haul from one spot to another. A trip to the housing section of campus will do all the paperwork and organizing for you. Think about that.
Take advantage of this.
As far as the other steps it sounds like you’re going the right direction if you follow through.
Good Luck!
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