How do you stay motivated when every other time has failed
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: California
Posts: 6
How do you stay motivated when every other time has failed
I'm super scared. I already have bad social anxiety, a part of why I drink, but I asked my husband to take me into the hospital to detox. I've been in hospitals several times and they're always difficult experiences.
I posted before how I keep trying so hard every time with so much motivation and determination. There isn't any other rock bottom I haven't hit. I've hit them all. Sometimes I ask, am I just a useless cause, I've tried EVERYTHING. My husband has bags and bags of prescription bottles of meds I've tried. I've seen psychologists and been on meds since my anorexia at 12. Ever since I've had problems. This isn't a post to complain. I was looking for advice or someone that can relate?
I gave up so much....I applied for SSI 3x, each time getting denied because I think they saw a healthy blonde girl just sitting in front of them who could answer the questions such as who is the president of the US and just advised me to get therapy.
When people say that it kind of makes me really sad and a bit angry. I've done therapy since I was 12. All the meds, I've taken. SSI only considers the past 3 yrs. I don't understand what to do. I'm lucky to have a husband that supports me but even he's getting fed up with my alcoholism and what happens if we separate? I'll have nothing. No money. I can't hold a job. I've just tried EVERYTHING. You mention it, I've tried it. I'm scared
I posted before how I keep trying so hard every time with so much motivation and determination. There isn't any other rock bottom I haven't hit. I've hit them all. Sometimes I ask, am I just a useless cause, I've tried EVERYTHING. My husband has bags and bags of prescription bottles of meds I've tried. I've seen psychologists and been on meds since my anorexia at 12. Ever since I've had problems. This isn't a post to complain. I was looking for advice or someone that can relate?
I gave up so much....I applied for SSI 3x, each time getting denied because I think they saw a healthy blonde girl just sitting in front of them who could answer the questions such as who is the president of the US and just advised me to get therapy.
When people say that it kind of makes me really sad and a bit angry. I've done therapy since I was 12. All the meds, I've taken. SSI only considers the past 3 yrs. I don't understand what to do. I'm lucky to have a husband that supports me but even he's getting fed up with my alcoholism and what happens if we separate? I'll have nothing. No money. I can't hold a job. I've just tried EVERYTHING. You mention it, I've tried it. I'm scared
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
What do you think is the source of your unhappiness? If there was some trauma you were living with as a 12 year old, go back to that and find resolution for it.
Using a substance or self-destructive life-threatening behavior to numb out or to try to externally fix or control an inside problem or emotion isn't the solution. Whatever inner pain you are experiencing, someone here has gone through it and has quit drinking anyway. You can too.
Don't let your past define your future. Put down the drink and deal with your pain sober. It's the only way.
You can do it.
Using a substance or self-destructive life-threatening behavior to numb out or to try to externally fix or control an inside problem or emotion isn't the solution. Whatever inner pain you are experiencing, someone here has gone through it and has quit drinking anyway. You can too.
Don't let your past define your future. Put down the drink and deal with your pain sober. It's the only way.
You can do it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: California
Posts: 6
I think it's my loneliness
I think my loneliness causes me the most unhappiness but at the same time I have social anxiety so it's this catch 22 situation. My husband is almost 30 yrs older than me and sometimes I think I rely on him too much but without him, I would have nothing. I really love him but moved in with him at 24, when I didn't have anywhere to go. It was just as friends but I fell in love with him. But learned things that made me sad. And made me judge him. I thought he only loved me because I was young and he had only had young girlfriends since his ex, who sounds abusive to me. She was his age and she really does sound bad. But his ideals of wanting a young pretty girl depressed me. Since looks have been an issue to me since 12.
When I was anorexic, I got so many modeling cards and people always told me I was pretty when I was thin so maybe it's a depression thinking people only loved me for the way I looked?
My appearance has always mattered far too much to me. Because I think without them no one would love me. But at the same time, I try so hard to do things for others, I have many nephews and my hands hurt from wrapping gifts haha, and I always send my sisters cards and gifts on their bday but on my bday I get nothing. It's not about money. But my husband and I do SOOO much for my sisters and their kids it hurts when I'm ignored, even on facebook. They never like anything I post unless it's a pic with their kids.
Is it wrong to just have my hubby drop off the gifts for the kids Christmas Eve and not go myself? I have too much anxiety but I don't want my family to think I don't like them
When I was anorexic, I got so many modeling cards and people always told me I was pretty when I was thin so maybe it's a depression thinking people only loved me for the way I looked?
My appearance has always mattered far too much to me. Because I think without them no one would love me. But at the same time, I try so hard to do things for others, I have many nephews and my hands hurt from wrapping gifts haha, and I always send my sisters cards and gifts on their bday but on my bday I get nothing. It's not about money. But my husband and I do SOOO much for my sisters and their kids it hurts when I'm ignored, even on facebook. They never like anything I post unless it's a pic with their kids.
Is it wrong to just have my hubby drop off the gifts for the kids Christmas Eve and not go myself? I have too much anxiety but I don't want my family to think I don't like them
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
BrightHalo, we all have an inner loneliness. A lot of your issues are being caused by alcohol, but until you get some sober time you won't understand that.
I would suggest doing things YOU like to do and not worry about your sisters or whether you are doing it right for them. Also if you believe someone has married you for your looks, then of course every year that goes by you'll start worrying more.
Regardless of why you believe your husband married you, you cannot control his beliefs or his reasons for staying married (or not.) He is going to do and believe whatever he wants. I think that until you create a life you are happy with - internally - it is going to always be a struggle.
Have you thought about going to AA meetings or church?
I would suggest doing things YOU like to do and not worry about your sisters or whether you are doing it right for them. Also if you believe someone has married you for your looks, then of course every year that goes by you'll start worrying more.
Regardless of why you believe your husband married you, you cannot control his beliefs or his reasons for staying married (or not.) He is going to do and believe whatever he wants. I think that until you create a life you are happy with - internally - it is going to always be a struggle.
Have you thought about going to AA meetings or church?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Pacific Coast
Posts: 785
I felt like I'd tried "everything" too, but I finally realized I kept looking for external fixes for what was an internal malady.
I realized that all the rehabs, programs, medications, therapies and SSIs in the world wouldn’t do me a bit of good unless I really, truly, sincerely WANTED to be sober more than I wanted to be drunk, and that had to start with ME.
Sobriety starts with putting down the bottle and not drinking no matter what.
After some time away from alcohol, your fears and anxieties and worries about who likes what on Facebook, etc, will likely start to fade a bit on their own. Then comes the hard work of overhauling the way you react and interact with the world so that you don’t feel compelled to turn to alcohol every time things don’t work out the way you want them to.
What you’ve tried so far obviously hasn’t worked very well for you, so maybe it’s time to try opening your mind to a different approach?
You can do this!
I realized that all the rehabs, programs, medications, therapies and SSIs in the world wouldn’t do me a bit of good unless I really, truly, sincerely WANTED to be sober more than I wanted to be drunk, and that had to start with ME.
Sobriety starts with putting down the bottle and not drinking no matter what.
After some time away from alcohol, your fears and anxieties and worries about who likes what on Facebook, etc, will likely start to fade a bit on their own. Then comes the hard work of overhauling the way you react and interact with the world so that you don’t feel compelled to turn to alcohol every time things don’t work out the way you want them to.
What you’ve tried so far obviously hasn’t worked very well for you, so maybe it’s time to try opening your mind to a different approach?
You can do this!
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
I have heard so many similar stories in AA I couldn't count them all. Most alcoholics that come to AA having reached this point where they feel they have run out of options, that things are really hopeless, defeated and broken, seem to be in the best position to make a full recovery using AA's spiritual principles.
I am lucky in being just an alcoholic, so my experience of other 12 step fellowships is non existent, but I would imagine you would hear exactly the same stories. The common characteristic I expect would be they refused to consider 12 step solutions until they had tried everyting else and failed. Then they recover.
I don't know which fellowship would be right for you, but I do know I reached the point you are at, reached out to AA, and never drank again.
I am lucky in being just an alcoholic, so my experience of other 12 step fellowships is non existent, but I would imagine you would hear exactly the same stories. The common characteristic I expect would be they refused to consider 12 step solutions until they had tried everyting else and failed. Then they recover.
I don't know which fellowship would be right for you, but I do know I reached the point you are at, reached out to AA, and never drank again.
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