UKstudent

I am very sure that my dad knows that I have serious issues with alcohol, and I am quite certain that he himself has issues with alcohol too.
I have basically said as much to him, and yet, stopping short of taking pleasure from this, he certainly shows no concern.
I am unsure how to deal with this situation. I think he has his own issues with alcohol, but his lack of serious concern for mine is reflective of a general issue with my dad, and from the 24 years of experience I have with him, I know there is UNDOUBTEDLY a part of him that wants to see me self destruct, or at least allow it to happen to see how I deal with it.

I'm quite unsure as to how to deal with this lack of concern. It kinda hurts my feelings and I don't know how to replace this lack of fatherly concern, given that I am sure there is absolutely a part of him that enjoys watching me self-destruct.

(not to say there is no part of him that is good, but in general what i have described is him)

kamm

I'm so sorry you're not getting support from your father. Not feeling cheered on and loved by a parent is certainly heart breaking and my heart goes out to you.
Having said that we can not control how other people act, no matter how close we are to them. All we can do is control ourselves and our response.
My suggestion is to try and focus on getting and keeping yourself healthy and happy... even if it means spending less time with dad.
Wish you the best.

Dee74

My dad wasn't much concerned about my problem either - he's not a bad guy he's just not that kind of 'go to' dad.

It's good that places like SR exist - always help and support here

strategery

I think you're looking towards the wrong person for support if he has issues with drinking and need to accept it for what it is. I doubt he is wanting for you to self-destruct, but it's more reflective of his own issues with alcohol.

Also, if you were telling him he has issues with alcohol, it's not likely to help you get support from him but drive him the other direction. His relationship with alcohol is his issue.

MariahGayle

I'm sorry UK but you seem to have great insight to what you need to do & that is fabulous! Be proud of yourself & take care of you!!

fini

or at least allow it to happen to see how I deal with it.

sounds like me
i have concern for my kids, but most certainly can't "disallow" things to happen to them.
and it IS up to them to deal with their stuff.
doesn't mean i don't care. or help.
but their stuff is theirs to deal with.
and while support is wonderful, your stuff is YOURS.

uncorked

Your dad may not want to acknowledge your issues with alcohol because it would force him to look at his own. Shrugging off your concern allows him to justify his continued drinking. I know it sucks but you can't expect support from someone who hasn't acknowledged his own problems with alcohol -- even if he's your dad. Are there any support groups where you live?

JD

You need to take care of yourself first. Do what you need to do for yourself. I know it's hard but if your dad isn't capable of showing compassion there isn't anything you can do to change him. Just like it's not possible to make an alcoholic stop drinking until they're ready to do it themself your dad won't change until he's ready to do it. Change what you can control, yourself, and accept what you can't change, your dad.

Soberwolf

Your not alone my dad is like that

bullmas

Uk , it would seem that most people with alcohol issues tend to want to keep good company ( family or friends ) b/c they don't want to be the only one that didn't quit

Cheers

tomsteve

you may want to venture over to the friends and family forum and learn about detaching. dont be afraid to pose the questions and concerns over there. lots of great knowledge there.

Clarebear13

So relate to this